It isn't true, Jinki whispers as he enters his bedroom. 

Of course it isn't , Minho's his best friend, if he was dating someone Jinki would be the first to know, but no matter how many times he tells himself that, he can never find comfort in the words. 

Someone taps gently on his door and Jinki freezes. He knows who the visitor is, only one person in the dorm cares enough about his privacy to knock when the door is closed, but he decides to ignore it. Jinki simply can't face Minho right now, not after what he has done. 

He needs to call Joohyun first, apologize for being such a jerk and assure her that had he been in his right mind, he would have never reacted that way. To be completely honest Jinki can't remember a time where he was in his right mind, but hopefully she will and forgive him. 

Jinki hears Minho dragging his feet back to living room and he lets out a sigh of relief,  moving towards his dresser to change into a more comfortable outfit. 

He wipes off the make up and goes through an extended version of his skin care routine if only to keep his mind occupied in something other than the incident at the party. Sadly there are only so many products you can rub into your face and too soon he is forced back to reality. 

Looking at his reflection in the mirror of his vanity, he can barely recognize the man taring back at him, he seems so... defeated.  

He used to be good at this game once, it is devastating to admit that he's finally lost control of everything. 

The tears come when he is on his bed. Jinki tries to muffle the sounds of his pathetic misery with a pillow, but even if he can keep the others from listening to him, there's no way he can hide from the crippling shame that burns him from within. 

The door opens with a creak and a heavy weight lands next to him, shaking the mattress. Jinki groans. Almost a decade later and he still hasn’t learned to put on the lock. 

"How long will you keep doing this to yourself?" Taemin asks, forcefully pulling the pillow away from Jinki's face. 

Jinki rolls his eyes at the younger man. "Too much soju on an empty stomach, it won't happen again." 

For a second it seems like Taemin is going to take the bait and just drop the subject, but then his usually vacant eyes glaze with concern and Jinki knows he's screwed. 

"I understand why you felt the need to hide it back then and a selfish part of me still thanks you for it, but we are not sixteen anymore, we can handle it and most importantly we can help you handle it." 

Taemin's voice is low and sincere, Jinki can almost feel the love in his awkward phrasing but he knows better than to let himself believe in such pretty words.  

"It's not that simple," he answers sternly. 

The blond man frowns, but once again reigns back his own character in order to convey the message he had waited too long to say. 

"Of course it is not simple, it will never be simple. We're freaking k-pop idols!" He points out almost resentfully.  "All I'm saying is that it is possible now. It probably always was but we were too scared to see it." 

Taemin plants a fleeting kiss to his forehead before he leaves and Jinki forgets to drown the sobs that rack his body. 

She's beautiful, absolutely stunning. Jinki observes her from afar as she chats animatedly with her members and is amazed once again by the graceful lines of her body and the natural elegance of her style.  

No matter how much Joohyun insists in denying it, Jinki knows she genuinely likes Minho. He can see it in the way she moves around him, in the sweetness of her smile and the glint of her eyes. She tries to be subtle, perfectly aware of how dangerous it is to let her feelings get the best of her so early in her career, but Jinki can tell. He's way too familiar with the struggle to ignore the little signs.  

They would look amazing together, Jinki can admit as much now that  his tears have long since dried. A prince and his princess, a love pretty and safe that people would envy and not be disgusted by, 

"Don't be one of those annoying characters, Jinki."  

Pretending not to be totally freaked out by Jonghyun's sudden appearance, Jinki just shots him and inquisitive look and waits for the younger man to explain himself. 

Jonghyun smiles at him and reaches up to put some errand strands of Jinki's hair back in place, his touch always warm and gentle ."The ones that suffer in the shadows, deem themselves  not good enough and make choices that are no theirs to make." 

Jinki pouts. "Not you too." 

The younger man chuckles and pats his cheek playfully. "Just think about it, Leader." 

Jinki is trying to study. Getting a master's degree seemed like a really good idea some time ago, but these days trying to act like a proper student and not using  his privileges as a celebrity that often, is proving to be more difficult that expected. 

He wants to be mad when Kibum enters his room without a care in the world, but honestly he is quite thankful for the distraction. 

"Jinki, we need to talk," Key says, plopping onto his bed.  

The elder turns his desk lamp off and walks over to the bed so he can sit next to Kibum. 

"What's wrong?" 

Key twiddles his thumbs nervously, avoiding eye contact. "I guess there's no easy way to say this," he mumbles, pausing to take a deep breath before his confession. "I'm moving out next week." 

Jinki's stomach sinks, Kibum is the third one to leave. He knows it is more than a little ridiculous but there is something heartbreaking in watching s grow up and move on. A reminder that everything they are is going to end one day. 

He doesn't let Kibum see just how much these kind of things affect him though. Jinki smiles, wide, bright and encouraging. 

"Well, that's not completely unexpected. We'll miss you, but I'm sure you'll feel more comfortable living in a place of your own," Jinki says, throwing an arm around his friend's shoulder. 

"I'll miss you too, but yes, I think it's time to leave the nest," he admits with a grin. "And at least now you'll be able to spend more quality time with Minho," Key adds, turning his grin into a knowing smirk. 

Jinki groans and stands off the bed. "Please tell this whole moving out thing is not part of your evil plan to get me to do, whatever it is that you are expecting me to do." 

Key crosses his arms across his chest and sends Jinki a dirty look. 

"Of course not." He shots back, indignant.  "It might be hard for you to understand given your pitiful situation but the world doesn't revolve around your and Minho's sad love story." 

"There is no story," Jinki states firmly. 

"Only because you keep repressing your feelings."  

Jinki falls back on his chair and rubs his face with frustration. 

"Why can't you just respect my decisions?" He asks angrily. 

Kibum sighs and kneels in front of Jinki. "You are not making any decisions here Jinki, you're just avoiding them." 

When Jinki opens his mouth to retort, Kibum stops him and grabs his hands in a firm hold.. 

"Look, you are an adult and sure you can do what you want with your heart but I think you're forgetting this is not just about you." 

"Except it is," Jinki whispers, surprising even himself with how crushed his own statement makes him feel and sound. 

In an unexpected gesture, Kibum brings one of Jinki's hands to his lips and leaves a small kiss on his knuckles. 

"Whatever," he says with a sad grin as he stands up to leave. "Just know that if it were me, I would want to know." 

When Jinki walks into the dorm that night he is assaulted by the appetizing and comforting smell of homemade food. It is a surprise, for he knows Jonghyun and Kibum are away, spending the night at their respective homes. 

Minho, comes out to greet him wearing a cute apron with little frogs in white toques printed all over, probably a fangift. 

"You cooked!" 

The younger smiles shyly and leads the way to the dinning table. 

"Soon, we'll be crazy busy with our dramas," Minho says as he unties the apron and lays him over the kitchen island.  "I just wanted to do something nice before that happens." 

Jinki smiles as they both seat down to eat. He understands it is wrong and dangerous but he can't help but imagine a different life, one where he and Minho could be together, where coming home to a warm dinner and a loving partner was part of a daily routine.  

The broth Minho prepared is delicious, the meat is juicy and the vegetables perfectly cooked. Jinki munches happily on the food and showers Minho with much deserved complimets. 

"That's a nice sweater, that shade of blue looks good on your skin," he observes, moving on to praising Minho's appearance now that he's exhausted every possible comment about his food. 

"Joohyun gave it to me, she sent cute cupcakes too. To thank me for the jackets." 

And just like that the spell is broken. All the warmth abandons Jinki's body and it takes all of his self control not to throw the Oreo cupcake Minho offers him to the floor. 

Jinki swallows down the last piece of the strangely bitter dessert and stands up. He thanks Minho for the meal once again and starts making his way to his bedroom. 

Minho's deep voice stops him not two steps after. "Don't walk away from me, Jinki." 

The tone of the younger's voice makes Jinki's blood freeze in his veins and when he turns around to face him there's no doubt that something has broken between them. Jinki frowns and forces down the anger that threatens to overtake him. 

"He told you," he accuses through gritted teeth. 

"They did," Minho corrects calmly,  "but it is not like I needed them to. I may be a little naïve, Jinki, but I'm not a child." 

Jinki looks intently at Minho, trying to find in the other's expression any clue that could help him decide how to fix this, how to go back to his comfort zone, but the younger gives him nothing. He remains seated at the table, waiting. 

"Say something, Jinki," Minho demands softly, begging to Jinki with his eyes, but for what? The elder doesn't dare to guess, in case his own desires betray him and he ends up destroying everything forever. 

Minho waits until he can't anymore. 

"Minseok called, he's moving to England next year because of his work. He wants me to  live with him for what's left of this year, that way we could spend more time together and when he  leaves I get to keep his apartment. Have my own place." 

Jinki feels it coming before Minho even opens his mouth. The question. 

"Should I move out, Jinki?" 

"He is your brother you should be with him while you can," he answers coldly, mechanically.  

His words doesn't please Minho and yet again Jinki's whishes he could see through the other's heart and understand what is it that he expects from him. 

"Do you want me to move out, Jinki?" Minho insists, finally standing up and walking to him with slow, calculated steps. 

There is a spark in the younger's eyes that awakens something in Jinki, a part of him he's spent years trying to kill, but it is not enough to make him talk, not yet. 

"Do you?" Minho asks again, stopping his advance only when his body is pressed to Jinki's. 

"No," Jinki whispers, eyes locked with Minho, struggling to convince himself that what he sees in the other's face is not a dream, 

"Why?" 

It is when confronted with the possibility of real happiness that Jinki realizes just how hopeless his life until that moment had been, for even with the other just a breath away he still doubts,  he's still afraid to lose it all. 

"Answer me, Jinki, or I swear to God that I'll walk out that door an-" 

Jinki kisses Minho to keep himself from drifting back to the shadows of bleak conformity. He threads desperate hands through his hair and slides into his mouth to finally taste the truth in the other's tongue. 

"You should leave but I hope you won't because I love you and I can't stand he idea of you being away from me." 

Minho accepts his confession by kissing all hesitation out of Jinki, refusing to let  them part for air again even when they are drowning in one another. And Jinki feels more than hears when words are said against his lips. 

"We'll figure something out, then."