Minho remembers the first time he heard Jinki's name.  

He was twenty when his friend Taemin approached him after class and invited him to a party that weekend. 

"I know you're still upset about things going sour with Kyuhyun but there's someone I want you to-" 

Minho started walking away before Taemin even finished the phrase. 

"Taem, no." He stated firmly, looking back at the kid who had started to give him chase.  "I think I'm perfectly capable of finding a boyfriend on my own." 

Not affected in the slightest by the lack of enthusiasm from Minho's part, Taemin insisted. 

"I know you are, Min, we've been friends for over fifteen years. And that's precisely why I'm telling you that you need to search no longer because I already found your soulmate."  

Minho rolled his eyes at the dramatism in Taemin's words.  

"Have I ever tried to set you up before?" Taemin asked, grabbing Minho by the arm and making him turn to face his friend properly. 

Minho bit his lip nervously, "Well, no, but-" 

"That's because I never felt the need to but Jinki, he's the one Min." 

Taemin seemed really confident in his words, his eyes showed no sign of hesitation but Minho still doubted it was a good idea. 

"I don't know, Tae." 

The boy placed two comforting hands on Minho's shoulders and smiled encouragingly. 

"Just say you'll be there. All you have to do is meet him, if he is not what you want then I'll just apologize and buy you dinner next weekend." 

Minho sighed in defeat, "Ok." 

The week of the party was a particularly tough one for Minho, there were papers to finish, work to be done, practices to attend, family problems to solve, and that's why he could hardly be blamed for sleeping the Saturday away and missing the party. It couldn't be helped. 

Or at least that's  what he would tell himself everyday for years to come, when the days became  cold and the nights lonely. 

Minho looks at Jinki from afar, partially hidden by a tall decorative plant outside his favorite barber shop. 

The elder is on his phone arguing with someone, he paces the length of the hallway and cards a hand through his hair, pulling hard on the strands to release some of his frustration. 

A call is ended and for a moment it looks like Jinki is going to slam his phone against the floor, he pockets it away instead and drags his feet across the corridor to plop tiredly onto one of the benches by the glass guarding. 

Minho watches longer than he should, it's always the same when it comes to Jinki. He still hasn't figured out how to walk away from the man, but today it seems like his attentiveness is justified. Jinki is sad, he rubs his  eyes with the back of his hand and stares blankly at the celling. 

It takes all of Minho's restraint not to go to him and try to assuage his pain with a sincere embrace, but when Jinki makes to stand he simply cannot stay still and watch him leave. 

Standing in front of Jinki is always hard, always painful. It makes Minho stumble on his words and blush like a teenager, still he tries to make the most of this unexpected opportunity. 

 "Hi, I'm-" 

"Choi Minho, yeah I remember you." Jinki says with a cordial smile. "Friend of Taem, right?" 

Minho shakes the small hand offered to him and nods, silently impressed by the naturalness of Jinki's friendly gestures. Nothing in his face betrays the sadness that colored his chocolate eyes just minutes ago. 

"I saw you from the escalator," Minho lies. "Are you waiting for someone?"  

It is a weird question to ask, there are a million reasons why Jinki could've been at the mall, but Minho was never a smooth talker and having the man of his dreams looking inquisitively at him doesn't help his case. 

Fortunately Jinki doesn’t freak out.  The edges of his smile stiffen a bit though, and he seems to hesitate for a second before answering. 

"I was, but it seems like they aren't coming." 

He's not sure what gives him the courage but at that moment Minho dares to do something he had promised himself not to do.  

Minho lets his heart win. 

"What a coincidence, I was supposed to meet with Taemin to watch the new James Bond movie but he just called to cancel on me." 

He's sure Taemin would forgive him for lying if he knew. 

Jinki chuckles, "Talk about bad luck." 

"Yeah." 

It is now or never, Minho thinks and he takes a deep breath willing that surge of bravery to last a little longer. 

"Since we were both stood up, would you like to, you know, watch the movie with me?" 

The wait for Jink's answer feels eternal and agonizing, but it's totally worth it. 

"Sure." 

After the movie they decide to have dinner together and make up for Jinki's missed reservation. 

Minho's never been a fan of action films, Taemin used to laugh at him for it but he's always preferred watching romance or comedy. However, he's willing to watch every single spy, superhero or science fiction film in existence if that means he gets to spend every evening like this,  discussing story lines over a glass of wine with the most brilliant man he's ever known. 

Jinki talks about the opening scene of the movie, comparing it with what he learned from Día de Muertos  during the two years he lived in Mexico City as an exchange student. 

"They don't have this cool parade like in the movie, but somehow I think the way they do things is  kind of better, because even if they celebrate death it is not like it's a party, there's always this air of solemnity and melancholy among the people. It very interesting, a successful marriage between the catholic religion and the pre-Hispanic traditions..." 

In case an opportunity like this one shall never present again and this is his first and last  moment alone with Jinki, Minho clings to the man's  every word and gesture, he focuses on the way his lips move and his nose scrunches. He lets himself be hypnotized by the deep sound of his favorite singer's speech. 

Minho remembers the first time he heard Jinki's voice. 

It was Taemin's birthday and they were celebrating at a bar near his house. Minho had to work the evening shift that day, so by the time he arrived most people were already wasted. Including the birthday boy. 

He downed a couple shots of tequila hoping a slight tipsiness would make him feel less left out and tried to engage in conversation with some guys he knew, when the sudden screams of a name he had heard once before caught his attention. 

Taemin and some of his friends were dragging a giggling young man to the small stage by the bar, meant for Karaoke Night. The man pretended to struggle but it was obvious that he didn't really mind being manhandled into singing happy birthday to Taem.  

The guy was cute, that's the first thing Minho noticed when they finally managed to get him on stage. His hair was dyed a light pink that matched the color of his flushed cheeks, the charming round glasses perched on a quirky nose made his squinty eyes look even prettier and the way he bit on his full lower lip as he waited for the music to start was both y and adorable. 

He was just Minho's type, at least physically. And the thought made Minho smile, he should definitely start trusting Taemin's judgment a little bit more. 

It wasn't love at first sight, but what he felt when Jinki started singing that day was something extraordinary, something that made Happy Birthday sound like kismet and purpose. For a instant the world disappeared and Jinki's song was just for Minho and Minho alone. 

He rushed to the stage as soon a the song was over, an overpowering need of being closer to Jinki guiding his feet through the crowd.  

It's not like Minho expected Jinki to see him and acknowledge him as his long lost soulmate, all he wanted was to talk, to get to know the man with the handsome face and the beautiful voice. But as fate would have it that simply wasn't possible, because when he finally got to Jinki he found him in the arms of another, his sparkly eyes closed and his lips moving fervently against the ones of his boyfriend, of Kibum. 

"I had a lot of fun, we should do this again sometime," Minho says as he walks Jinki home, voice calm but heart hopeful.  

Jinki grins. 

"Definitely." 

They did it again indeed, dinners after work, weekends at the movies and before Minho realized, he was spending all his free time with Jinki.   

He knew he was walking on thin ice but he'd much rather fall and drown, lose himself in the impossibility of his desires than going back to the safe ground, where he only observed Jinki from the distance and the brilliance of the elder's smile was never directed at him. 

It was relatively easy to pretend he wasn't doing anything wrong, to just make their hugs linger a bit more, to steal glances when Jinki wasn't looking, to let their hands brush as they walked down the street. It was only when the name of Kibum came up in a conversation that Minho was forced to remember his place in Jinki's life. Fortunately that didn't happen too often. 

They were at a museum when Minho let himself consider the idea that maybe he wasn't the only one playing with fire. 

Minho reads the label under the multicolored skull in front of him. To be honest when Jinki called him to invite him to see the exhibition of ceramic skulls at the museum , he didn't think it was going to be this fun. Minho is not artsy person, he only accepted because it was Jinki who called and he would follow Jinki to the depths of Hell, but even someone like him had to accept that the work of the artisans was truly impressive. 

He's admiring  all the details in the painting of the piece when he catches Jinki's reflection on the glass of the display case and it surprises him to notice Jinki is looking at him. The elder's gaze is soft yet intense and there's a smile on his face Minho is not familiar with, one with hints of fascination and melancholy. He doesn't want to say it in case he's terribly mistaken but the look on Jinki's face reminds him of his own expression whenever he sees Jinki. 

Minho pays more attention then and in a matter of  minutes it seems like his entire view of the world changes, because he can feel it now, Jinki's eyes on him as he pretends to examine the skulls, Jinki's hands on him in the form of unnecessary touches with the pretense of guiding him to another room or taking him to see a piece of his liking. Even the tone of Jinki's voice is different now, it is sweeter and more affectionate. 

The realization has Minho feeling so determined and lighthearted that he takes the risk to surprise Jinki in the act, when the elder is stealthily trying to ta take a picture of him. 

When their eyes lock Jinki panics a little bit and he blushes a faint pink, but Minho only smiles knowingly. 

"You have to take pictures of the art, right?" 

The tension breaks and Jinki snorts. 

"Exactly." 

That evening at the museum ends with the lies, with the hidden motives, and Minho holds Jinki's hand as they walk out of the place.  

Minho remembers the first time he heard Jinki cry. 

They are kissing, mouths hot and hungry. It is deep and desperate, the way their tongues slide against one another and their teeth pull at swollen lips. They've done this a few times now but Minho is sure he'll never get tired of Jinki's taste, of the sound of his whimpers as they are forced to part for breath. 

Jinki backs him to the wall, makes quick work of the buttons of his shirt and Minho nearly sobs when he feels those soft hands caress his skin. That kind of contact is new, they've never gone further than kisses before but the sensation of Jinki laying a trail of wet kisses down the length of his neck easily drowns his worries. 

At least until Jinki starts weeping against his shoulder. 

"You were supposed to be there," the elder mumbles and Minho frowns, feeling more confused than ever before. 

Minho tries to look at Jinki, but he just wraps his arms around him and buries his face even deeper into his shoulder. 

"Taemin said you'd come and I waited, I waited the whole night but never came." 

It finally dawns on Minho, what Jinki is trying to say and his own eyes are quickly filled with tears. 

"Why weren't you there, Minho?"  

Minho's heart breaks at the sound of Jinki's brittle voice, and he forces himself to say the humiliating truth out loud. 

"I fell asleep." 

Jinki lets out a watery chuckle and Minho can't help but to do the same. It is indeed ridiculous to be in such a difficult situation because he couldn't keep his eyes open that night. 

If only Minho had been there that night they wouldn't have to hide their love from the world.   

If only Minho had been there that night  there would be no Kibum and Jinki wouldn't have to live as a liar.  

If only Minho had been there that night they could share kisses instead of tears. 

"I'm sorry, " he says, but even to him the words sound empty and pointless. He screwed up their lives and there are no words that could possibly express the pain that tears him apart. 

"So am I." 

Jinki finally shows his face. And even with the glossy eyes and the red nose, to Minho he is the most gorgeous man alive. 

"I'm moving to New York with Kibum." 

Minho's brain collapses and the fear spreads through his body making his head shake fratically 

"B-but you-" 

"Don't." Jinki stops him pressing a finger against his lips. "I've made my choice. Kibum and I, we are not perfect, he isn't you," the elder admits with a sad  smile. "But it works and I love him. I just wanted to see you one last time and say thank you for the past few weeks. Even if it has to end this way, I don't regret a thing." 

It was so naïve of him to think he could keep Jinki in the end, to fool himself into believing it was possible to escape the consequences of his mistakes but mostly it was selfish to expect Jinki to give up the life he had worked so hard to build, for him. Minho understands all that now and the ache in his heart becomes almost unbereable. 

Jinki sees right through him when he holds Minho's face between his hands and whispers, "Don't punish yourself. Let me be the villain, the one who walks away." 

Minho nods weekly and Jinki pulls him into a new hug. 

"Just promise me you'll stay awake the next time." 

"I promise." 

And as he held Jinki for the last time Minho  prayed for that life to be short. Maybe in the next one he'd be an insomniac, then he wouldn't have to settle with dreams of Jinki, for he'd use the sleepless nights to find him so they could be together, as they were always supposed to be.