[CONTENTID1] 04 whatifs [/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] I nodded weakly, "Yes... I'm a lesbian and I..."

It seemed like I had finally experienced eternity while waiting for her to speak. 

"I'm deeply in love with you." Is what I wanted to say but my own lips failed me. She waited but I just ended up bursting into another crying fit. She sighed and wrapped her arms around me, "Seulgi... Is that why you avoided me for so long?" She weakly asked, clearly having a hard time taking everything in. I nodded slowly in her embrace. I felt safe just knowing that she hasn't left me yet. I expected her to run away or even tell me how gross I was. I expected her to get angry and spite me but what I got was something I would never have imagined. She hugged me.

"Seulgi, I love you. You should've told me from the start. I'll accept you no matter what you are. Yes, I am religious. I was a bit homophobic before but... For you, I can try to change. I'll... do it because I love you and I understand now. Seeing how devastated you are, I know that nobody chooses to be gay. Nobody chooses to suffer like you." She told me seriously. She looked into my eyes and smiled. Behind that smile, I felt her reaction was the calm before the storm. How long? How long would she stay until she finally can't tolerate my ual orientation? How long should I face every day with the fear that she will find out the worse truth? That is the truth that I not only like girls but a particular girl that happens to be her.

"Joohyun... you don't understand-" I finally spoke after moments of hesitation. She sighed and shook her head, "No... please, let me. Let me understand you. I won't let our friendship end just because of our different views. You're my best friend. You accepted me despite knowing how I felt about homouality. Now, I should accept you for being who you are."

I opened my mouth to respond back, but I found no words to say. Should I just go along with this, despite knowing the inevitable? 

I mentally shook my head as another thought came to me. No. I will get over her. She doesn't have to know. It'll be like everything was the same all along. I'll carry this secret to my grave.

"Thank you, Joohyun... and, I'm sorry... for avoiding you." I silently spoke, the lump in my throat sliding down by force. She smiled and slightly pushed me back to wipe my tears away. I melted under her stare but tried my best to ignore the feeling.

"It's okay... What matters now is that we cleared up the misunderstandings between us. Friends?"

A sharp pain pierced me in my guts. Or was it my conscience?

"... Friends." I repeated with a forced smile.

~~~

Days passed by and it seems like Joohyun really accepted me. She treated me no differently than she did before. Although, I felt like it was just because I didn't initiate as much skinship as I did before. She didn't seem to notice, but someone clearly did... the one person who knew about my feelings for Joohyun: Choi Sooyoung.

"Um... Seulgi, have you told Sooyoung yet?" Joohyun asked me one day as we made our way to the table.

I silently nodded, causing her to halt in her steps. She gawked at me, pretending to be hurt, "So... you've told her already? Before me?" She asked in obvious shock with a hint of jealousy. I blinked once, twice. Wait, did I just identify her manner of asking as... an act of jealousy? My eyebrows met at the center. No, not these what-if's again... I mentally groaned.

She snapped her finger in my face, causing me to flinch back into reality.

"I'm asking you, dumb bear. You told Sooyoung before me?"

I sighed and nodded, gaining another gawk from Joohyun. She shook her head, "So you value your friendship with her more than you value our-"

"Joohyun, how many times do I have to tell you? I told her because she actually supports homouality..." My voice slowly drifted into a weak mumble as I noticed the change in her expression. She let out a bittersweet