V.

The walk home from the cemetery didn’t take long. Wendy could hear the rattling of the things in her luggage. Souvenirs. Some for her mother, some for that rascal little sister of hers. Finally being able to see them after ten months that felt like ten years.

It was Christmas the last time she went back home. The only time they could forget about the debts and the problems. Barbecued pork, homemade kimchi and stir-fried glass noodles on the small mahogany table, personally cooked by her mother. The small Christmas tree stood mightily despite being the same Christmas tree since Wendy was five years old. Boxes filled the bottom of it, most of them empty, only being placed there for show.

This time, there was no Christmas. Only debts. Debt collectors. And two days of catching up with her mother and sister, and helping out with the tiny convenience store they had, not that there was much help requiring.

Wendy turned a corner, taking a deep breath and then letting it out. She didn’t expect for Ms. Bae to let her go. That the only assistance Ms. Bae needed from Wendy was to fetch some flowers, a flower bouquet of pink carnations and white lilies to be precise, from the flower shop around the corner. Once she got them, at the expense of her own money, she was told to leave.

Ms.Bae was emotionless, face serene and unmoving as she stood before a headstone, her hands lying flat on her sides. Unaffected by the names engraved on the marble in front of her. Her parents’ names. Year of passing: 2005. The year that Joohyun had disappeared from Wendy’s life.

Wendy bit her lip as she resisted. The urge to put a hand on Ms. Bae’s shoulder was strong; to hold her, to tell her she was sorry for her loss but Wendy knew she didn’t have the right. She wasn’t a friend to Ms. Bae. Just her personal assistant. Ms. Bae had drawn a line between their worlds. A line that was not meant to be crossed.

The weather was calm and there was no wind. There were faint sounds of chirping being drowned out by the passing vehicles. Wendy stepped back, giving Ms. Bae the privacy that she deserved. She wondered why Joohyun hadn’t told her about this.

Right. Not friends? Not fully. Not quite. Joohyun must have not considered Wendy as a friend. She would’ve told Wendy otherwise. If they were friends. Because friends tell each other things. Especially important things. Unless Joohyun didn’t have the time. Or the means to do so.

Phone? Joohyun had no phone. Address? Two weeks of hanging out with Joohyun passed by quickly, almost a blur, that the thought of asking where she lived didn’t come across Wendy’s mind.  Besides Joohyun didn’t like to talk about herself. She wasn’t fond of talking.

Ten years of lone suffering. Of enduring pain alone. And now Joohyun had learned to not feel, voiding emotions as if they were an affliction, a weakness to get rid of. Becoming Ms. Bae. Wendy could have helped Joohyun. More so than what she had done already. A lot more.

Wendy gripped the handle of her luggage tighter. The regret was there, slowly eating up Wendy, her conscience. Now she had lost the privilege to comfort Joohyun, to even talk to her without feeling a mix of hate and fear gurgling away in her stomach. Would Wendy even get the chance to get their relationship...friendship…acquaintancy back? Was that even a word?

Why did Wendy care so much? Why did she still care despite Joohyun forgetting who she was, what they were? Acquaintances and whatnot.

“I mean she was your first crush back in high school…”

Wendy shook her head. Admiration. It was only admiration. Joohyun was too pretty and pure, the purest Wendy had ever seen a person to be, if Joohyun was even a person. And Joohyun was smart. An honest hard worker. Qualities that Wendy aspired to be back then when she had thick-framed glasses and chubby cheeks, her proportions bigger than what a high schooler should be; mouth as loud as a truck’s horn and a brain that barely managed to contribute into passing her classes. This wasn’t a crush because admiration wasn’t akin to a crush unless admiration brought about fluttering feelings which would then make it a crush…right?

This was complicated. Enough about Ms. Bae. She had left for Seoul.

Vacation. Now. Yes. No wicked tyrant to boss her around. Yeeeees. Finally.

Wendy opened the door to their tiny yet quaint convenience store, the bell that hung atop it ringing as she entered. “Mum! I’m home!”

* * *

Irene swirled the drink in her hand, in the shot glass. Clear liquid. The smell pungent in her nose but she didn’t care. The aftertaste of forgetting bitter things was worth it. Numbing the feelings, the emotions, sadness and hurt through a shot glass of clear liquid was a necessity today.

Mourning. Her childhood memories replaying in her mind like an old film. Her father teaching her how to fish in the little pond in the back of their house. Her mother showing her how to cook and then comforting her whenever she would come home with ruffled ponytails because of Minsoo, the daughter of the school’s principal who pressured her for homework and lunch money. Nothing but painful, bittersweet memories.

The past that relived itself on this day, on the 18th of November. Ten years yet the wounds were fresh and raw as if it reopened every time she was here in Daegu, in front of her parents’ graves. Then accompanying it were the other memories…no…nightmares. Of high school. Of Minsoo and the rumours and the stares and the busted lip every once in a while.

Alcohol was comforting. Soothing. Like a gentle in her back, the way her old friend used to do. When she would crouch at the back of the school under the shade of the huge tree, crying, wanting to escape but needing the education, for her parents, for herself, to escape the province life. She would feel that in her back, consoling her, then her friend’s words saying it would be okay. That everything would be okay.

“Don’t worry Joohyun-ah! I’m here now! I’m here for you! Everything's going to be okay.”

But where was this friend now? Another sip of alcohol. Slipping deeper into the memories, past