Thirty Eight
The Roommate
And his heart fell with her tears. When she looked up at him, she could tell by the miserable look in his eyes that his heart was breaking. Crying, she moved to him, taking refuge in his embrace. And it was there, soaking in his shirt was her tears she had long held inside.
At that endearing moment, she explained the events of the last few weeks. How she had discovered she was pregnant. How she couldn't wait to tell him. How she discovered that something was wrong. Her trip to the doctor; the pain meds, the blood work, the results altogether with her filiming and studies.
Jonghyun tried his best to hold it together, tried to be strong, the solid person he knew she needed him to be. But he coulnd't help but shed a few tears; tears of sympathy for her Seungyeon, tears of sadness for the baby that almost was, tears of confusion at how his world could go from such a high to such a low in a matter of three words: But I was. Not knowing what to say, he simply held her; her hair, planted kisses to the top of her head. Looking up into his eyes, she tried to prepare herself for his reaction.
"Are you mad?" Her voice was small.
"Mad?!" His eyes went wide incredulously. "Of course I'm not mad. My God, Seungyeon... I am so sorry I don't even know what to do, what to say..."
"Don't," she shook her head quickly, tears returning to her voice. "Please don't be... don't be too nice. Don't apologize. Don't. Just don't... it's just... I can't take it right now."
"Okay," he nodded and gulped back the lump in his throat and wiped his eyes. Summoning his strength, he let out a breath. "What do you need from me right now? You want me to cry with you or..."
"I want you to help me stop crying," and her eyes met his, he just about lost it. They were wide and full of tears and in that moment he would have done anything to take out the pain from her. Forcing his emotions from his face, he let out another breath.
"Hey... do you want to get out of here? We could go to my cafe grab a few dessert and pretend not to know each other?" Jonghyun got a small smile and a tad laugh out of her. Wiping her eyes, she shook her head.
"No. I appreciate the idea but you're packing and I'd rather stay home." She'd been away from him, her home away from home, for so long and she just needed to be with him, so much.
"Want to bake some cookies?" His mouth curved up in half a smile. "You know how much I love your cookies." And her sadness cracked the tiniest bit further.
"Ha... That's more like it," she managed a small grin. "But I would rather just sit."
"Okay..." He sighed and she settled back in his arms.
"How about some wine?" Seungyeon suggested.
""Ah well then,I thought you would never ask." Jonghyun shrugged. And Seungyeon couldn't help but laugh and he was relieved to see that she was still in there, still whole. He chuckled along with her; holding her tighter. "Why don't you make yourself comfortable and I'll just get us some drinks."
After a glass or two, Jonghyun and Seungyeon decided to lay in bed, resting in each other's warmth.
"Maybe we can just sit like this for a little while." Seungyeon suggested, breathing in his scent; nuzzling closer to him.
"Absolutely," he kissed the top of her head and stretched his leg. And there they lay, on the bed by the windows, looking at the view of the city and the stars above.
It was a good hour or so when Seungyeon spoke again, but when she did, she seemed a little lighter. Turning up to look at him, she confessed.
" I'm sorry if I had taken so long to tell you that. I never meant to hurt you." she paused. "It's just that I had these two amazing days where I was going to have your baby, our baby and it made me so happy... so deliriously happy. And I know we've talked about having a family since early on but it was unplanned." she stopped and paused again wiping her tears and smiling through her sadness "However for those two days... I wanted it so much."
"We can have it again sooner if you want." Jonghyun felt naughty as he said that but was afraid he was being to insensitive.
"Pabo" Seungyeon chuckled. "You'd be gone in two years."
"About that..." he racked his brain for the right words to say. "I'm sorry that I can't withdraw from it now. This is another case of my recklessness."
She still hated the thought of him
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