CHAPTER FIVE

Siwon stares at a picture he found inside an old book and sighs deeply. He feels his heart heavy. That picture brought sad memories to him. Memories that he hadn´t been able to erase no matter what he hid for that.

The only woman he had loved his whole life for real…his high-school teacher Eunha who died of cancer when he was still a teenager.

The only woman he could never forget no matter if he tried to, getting married and starting a new life with another woman.

God. He swears he tried to be happy with this new woman. And for moments he got it, but at the end he realized that love was not forever…

Yes. It doesn´t exist the love that lasts forever because it always comes to an end.

When you lose that love, you find a replacement for it in order not to feel empty with yourself and that´s what Siwon did with Ara, but soon he realized that he was totally wrong. He must admit he feels tied to his past. And because of it, he won´t be able to love freely again.

Siwon’s POV

Flashback

“I love you, seonsaengnim”

“Huh? You can´t love me, Siwon”

“Why not?”

“Because I´m going to die, you know that. Besides, a relationship between a teacher and her student is forbidden”

“But you are not my teacher anymore…and…and I will still love you if you die”

“Thanks for loving me that way, Siwon. You are a great boy…how I wish I could be your age and be healthy…I would definitely accept your feelings…but…”

“I will never abandon you, seonsaengnim. Let me stay with you till the end. Let me love you”

She smiled and nodded weakly while Siwon hugged her gently. They stayed like that what it seemed an eternity sharing the warmth from each other.

I was happy while it lasted…

After two weeks, she died…leaving an emptiness in me.

My love. The only person I truly loved in my life.

I cried as I´d never cried before, even for days I couldn´t stop crying. Reality doesn´t forgive, and I didn´t have the strength enough to go on with my life.

Many people asked me to forget her and go on with my life, but…what if I could forget her? Would I have a happy life? Would I be able to love like this to another person? And that person gets to love me back for then disappear from my life all of a sudden once more?

No…I wouldn´t be able to betray her that way.

I did it once getting married to Ara…but…now I´m just afraid of loving again and be loved in return.

But…what about Kyuhyun? That annoying boy who tells me he loves me over and over again every single day?

What´s this feeling that is growing inside my chest for that boy?

Should I call it…?

No! It´s NOT love!?

It can´t be!!

End of the flashback

oOo

“Where the hell did Kyuhyun go?” – Siwon asked, irritated with the annoying boy. He was sat alone on his sofa with crossed arms.

That was a good question indeed.

The boy had disappeared from his house some days ago without a particular reason for it. Siwon couldn´t understand it at all. It was supposed to be okay with the kind of relationship he had with the boy. But in spite of that, the boy left him once again.

Why did he do that? Seriously…he can´t understand it. Even if he tries. They have been dating for almost two weeks since he went for Kyuhyun to the airport. The boy had accepted his conditions and rules. He had no objection at all, so why did he leave all of a sudden and is unable to answer his calls?

Yes. Siwon had called him up many times but the brat is ignoring his calls. So, where was the annoying and insistent boy who spent his time saying that he loved him over and over again? The boy who never got tired of saying that Siwon was his destiny?

Siwon sighed in frustration and ruffled his hair.

“Aishhh…why am I so upset? As if I were in love with him or something?”

In love with him?

That. Can´t. be!

He stood up and went for a beer. He needed it before getting crazy with himself.

No result.

Even if he drank some beers. Kyuhyun still was in his mind. He deserved an explanation directly from him. But the boy never picked up the calls.

That was annoying!

What should I do? Should I call to his house and ask about him? After all, at least I need to know if he´s okay…

“Kyuhyun says he is not here” – his ex-wife Ara replies when Siwon asked about Kyuhyun.

Dammit! So the boy doesn´t want to talk to me…and lies saying he is not at home when it´s obviously he is…just to irritate me. I can´t get it!

“It doesn’t matt…”

“Hey! My brother asked me insistently about the picture you treasure so much. The one you have with your teacher when you were a teenager”

“Eh? What are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, dear…don’t pretend you don’t know. That makes me sick. It always did” – Ara said and then she hung up, leaving Siwon agape.

The picture I treasure so much?

Don´t tell me that Kyuhyun saw that picture! But how…I mean when? I had kept it inside my old grammar book for ages. Hid very well.

But that book I use to keep it inside my night table…

Oh no! He saw it! He should be!

Siwon put the last can of beer on the table and sighed deeply.

“I´ll go for him to his high-school tomorrow. I need to see him in person and talk about that picture”

Then he took a look on the calendar over his fridge door and a mark caught his attention. He stepped by it and watched it.

Oh. My. God.

I totally forgot it!

And he did. The mark on his calendar which circled a special date with red, it was no other than his seonsaengnim´s death anniversary. And he had completely forgotten about it…

But how? He used to go to his home town every year to commemorate his death anniversary. He never forgot or missed a year. Never before till now…

What happens to me really? Why could I forget something so important like that?

In spite of the multiple questions in his head. He knew the answer. He had been thinking about Kyuhyun all the time that he had completely forgotten about his seonsaengnim´s death anniversary.

That had been all.

That was the damn truth. And Siwon realized about it.

The date was tomorrow…

What should he do tomorrow?

Going for Kyuhyun and give him some explanations in order to bring him back to his life? Or should he go to his home town to present his respects in her tomb as he usually does every year?

He was conflicted…

After thinking it deeply for a couple of minutes still staring at the calendar, he knew exactly what he should do.

No more mistakes from now on.

OOo

Siwon couldn´t sleep the whole night. Rolling from one side to another one, thinking about his current situation with the boy and his new feelings for him.

It´s all your fault, Kyuhyun!!

Siwon got up early and took a shower. After getting dressed for going to work, he knew he needed to do something before that.

He cared a to arrive late at work or even not to go to the office. Even though he cared what his boss, Kyuhyun´s dad could say about his irresponsibility, but he really needed to see Kyuhyun.

Today was a special day in his life. A date he almost forgot completely because of the annoying boy.

But before going to see his seonsaengim´s tomb, seeing Kyuhyun was the first thing to do. It was a need. God knows how he has missed that boy. Somehow he needed to clarify the misunderstanding between them.

Because he had it clear now. He knew what he felt for the boy, and it wasn´t a joke or something.

What he felt was true.

It amazed him since he never i