Another day to come and see you. Please wait a little more. I held my pendant and kissed it.

**

I looked at you, so peaceful and I can no longer ask for more. I want to hold you, but you seem so far away. So out of reach. Why?

**

I visited our favorite places before I came to you. You love the ocean, the breeze, the warm sun, waves that gives you peace. You once told me, you want to be one with the waves. Someone who can help erase all the pain, anger, sorrow, memories like footprints after it has been washed away.

I never understood you, maybe I'll never will.

I walked with a heavy heart thinking about you. I remembered your smiles that made my heart skip a beat. Laughter that filled my heart with glee. Also, the way you looked at me with so much love that I want to freeze that moment forever. FOREVER!

I looked back and saw my footprints being washed away by your favorite waves.

**

I woke up happy, excited because you wanted us to meet. You were gone for a while, so it made me miss you so much.

You requested I wear the necklace you gave me on my last birthday. You forgot I never took it off after you gave it to me. It gave me comfort when you're not around.

**

You arrived to our meeting place earlier than expected, I felt overwelmed that you missed me the way I missed you. You ran to me, hugged me tight that I almost ran out of breath. You pecked my lips, and gave me your best smile. We went to the amusement park, it's been a long time since we last visit. I was excited, happy, and jumping like a kid. You just laughed on how childish I was that time. It was one of the best memories I had with you.

After that we went to the beach. We sat under our favorite tree, and embrassing us with its cool shade. You told me everything you did when we were apart. Told me how lonely you were when I was not around. I laughed because you were never this cheesy, you pout and pretended to sulk. I can't help it and kissed you on the lips. You were shocked, caught off guard and said your lips are off limits from now on. With what you said I pretended to sulk too. I faced the other way, and closed my eyes.

You called my name many times. I pretended not to hear. I was still closing my eyes, when felt your lips on mine.

The kiss was gentle, warm and sweet. You smiled because I gave in that fast. I hugged you and said I love you.

You saw the necklace I was wearing. A smile formed on your lips and said one day you will add another pendant for my necklace. I asked why can't it be now. You said now is not the time.

I looked at you puzzled. You looked into my eyes and told me life was never this good before you met me.

Tears from my eyes. You wiped it away. I felt so touched that I hugged you for a very long time as if I will no longer see you. But you never knew that I was the fortunate one to have someone like you to love a person who lacks in so many ways like me. I am blessed.

We were silent for sometime. Drowned in our own train of thoughts.You took my hand, opened my palm and drew an invisible heart. You said the heart you made, I can't see it but I can feel it. Just like your love for me.

I had an idea, and looked for something sharp. You asked what will I do with it. I answered I want to mark our love on this tree. I carved a heart with our names on it. I saw you laughed saying I was cheesy and childish. I teased you because I know you love my cheesiness. Now it's your turn. You carved me standing alone. I asked why am I alone, you looked at me and said you'll find out soon.

We went home with heavy hearts. I want to spend more time with you, but I know we have to part for now.

You kissed my lips and said you love me so much. Even added to infinity and beyond which gainned a chuckle from me. And drew another heart on my palm and reminded me of your love.

I already knew you will be gone for a while again. I never asked further cause I know you are not yet ready to share it with me. I respect and trust you. That's why we lasted for 6 long years. We both know how deep our love is and not narrow minded to think negatively about each other when we are apart.

While I was walking, I was startled when someone hugged me from the back. Then I found out it was you. I faced you, and hugged you back. We were like that for sometime and people kept on staring at us. You didn't care and so was I. Then you stepped back, walked backwards and shouted I love you. I shouted I love you more. We laughed and for the last time, you waved goodbye to me. You turned your back and walked away. That last scene made me immobile for a while and just watched you dissapear in the darkness. I will never forget that moment. My heart ached and I walked home miserable.

**

After that day, we called and texted each other every now and then. We are not the typical text all day couple. At times you texted back few hours late or days even. And told me how tired you are. I want to be with you but I know I can't. I don't even know where you are. If I insist you will get mad and I don't want that. I know you've always been secretive but I know you. You will never dissappoint me. So I gave you strength instead.

**

Months passed. I longed for you. The seldom text became non existent. I waited for your return with a broken heart.

**

One day I receive a letter. I opened it and it's from you. I was happy and read it.

Well, the letter only contain me going to our favorite tree.

I woke up the next day feeling happy and light headed. At last I will see you. I went there hoping to find you, but I saw no one. I waited for hours. Nothing. I was feeling hopeless when a little girl hand me a letter. I asked who gave it to her she answered she had it for months now. And only waited for this day to give it to me. Then she left. I called her, but she never looked back.

I was scared, not knowing what to do.Afraid to open and read what was written inside. My hands were shaking, and tears forming in my eyes.

I took a deep breath, and opened it. And once again it gave me the instruction to dig under the carvings we made when we last came here.

I don't need to find the carvings, I know exactly where it was. I started digging and recovered a box. I brushed all the dirt and opened it.

I saw pictures of you. Smiling towards the camera. As if you were smiling at me. I never saw them before. I felt my heart got squeezed that I can no longer breath. Cold sweat enveloped me. I never realized I was already crying hard.

I looked at all the pictures. I fell in love with you over and over again while I was looking at it. Then I saw a letter, I took it from the box and read it.

**

June 28, 2007

I love you.

I know your upset I'm not there. But don't be. I have my reasons. And remember I love you so much.

Well I guess you are wondering what I have been doing in the few years right? We seldom see each other, rarely talked. You never complained and I love you for that. But deep down I feel guilty keeping you in the dark. And don't hate my mom and dad, I begged them to be quiet.

Call me coward. But I'm sorry. I can never tell you this upfront. How can I hurt the most important person in my life. I couldn't while breathing.

**

While I was reading, my heart kept on pounding and it hurt so much, but still I continue to read.

**

While reading this, I am no longer with you. We found out I had cancer 3 years ago but it was stage 3. My parents sent me to the best hospitals, asked for second opinions hoping to prolong my life. I'm sorry, but it was too late.

**

My heart stopped, I can't believe what I just read. It killed me inside but I can't stop reading. And I continued.

**

The doctor told me I have 3 months left. I cried my heart out. I thought of you instantly. I hated myself for leaving you. How will I face the person I love knowing one day I will no longer wake up and be with that person. So I begged my parents to see you for one last time.

Hate me all you want. I deserve it. I left you. But please always remember I love you until my last breath left me.

And about the letters, I actually pre-planned everything. I told my parents about this and asked for their help.  

Remember last time when we were here. I told you I will add another pendant for you right? Inside the box you will find a pendant that I designed, and my ashes will be concealed in it. I know I am being selfish, possessive even, but I love you so much and I want you to have a piece of me forever.

**

I looked for the pendant, and I held it as if my life depended on it. I traced the sun shaped edges and the center is the moon where your ashes is sealed. I caressed it like I was caressing your face. Tears streaming down my face.

**

I continue to read your letter feeling hopeless and broken inside out.

**

If one day you will miss me. Come visit me here. I asked for my ashes to be spread in the ocean and be one with waves. So that if you have troubles, if you're feeling sad, come find me. Walk in the shoreline and leave your worries behind. I am here to help you erase them like your footprints in the sand.

I may not be with you physically, but I will always be with you. And don't forget the palm heart I gave you. You can't see it but you feel it. And my love for you is like that.

**

I stared at the letter for a while. Speechless. Praying for this nightmare to end.

**

I stood and found our carvings. I carved our names with a heart, and found yours. Last time It was only me. But now, there's you, carved inside my heart. And beside it, you wrote, TO INFINITY AND BEYOND LOVE SEO JUHYUN.