After that huge quarrel with Myungsoo, you sneaked back into his apartment. Your eyes were red and puffy from crying. You were sick of your tears already. Just stop it, you told yourself. Entering his apartment, you glanced vigilantly everywhere. This should be the last time I’m coming here, you mumbled softly.

Sniffing back your tears, you went into the bedroom. Myungsoo wouldn’t be there, you knew that because Sung Yeol called you informing you that Myungsoo was drowning his soul with drinks at his place.

“We quarrelled again; I don’t think our relationship is repairable anymore.”

“Wae?”  

“Yeol, I’m having many doubts and insecurities about our relationship. Many people doubt us. Hayeon thinks he’s playing with me. He hasn’t told me he loves me yet, not even once. And the 3 girls you met the other day, they were asking me to leave him – they said I didn’t deserve him. I’m under so much pressure, I don’t know what do. All I want is to hear him say those 3 words, that would just clear my doubts and insecurities.”

“Myungsoo’s hard to read, eh? I know how you feel. Don’t worry, I’ll help you guys. I’ll talk to Myungsoo.”

“Don’t force him. Take care of him, please.”

You never told Sung Yeol about leaving Myungsoo. He would try to persuade you to change your mind and you didn’t want to. You had firmly made up your mind. You never wanted to be that desperate. It was just that you were going crazy, you just needed to hear those 3 words. Everything would be alright then.

You packed everything into the luggage, whether if it wasn’t important. Nothing should be forgotten and left behind, you didn’t want Myungsoo to be reminded of you every time so you took all of your stuffs. A sigh of helplessness escaped your lips as you took a last look at his apartment. A photo frame came to your attention, it was a photo of you and Myungsoo. Both of you were smiling so brightly and innocently as though nothing could break through you. But now it was different, you were on the losing end.

You hesitated whether to bring the photo frame with you, but then you shook your head. It had to be there, you thought. It belonged there, you belonged there. “Shut up,” you told yourself sternly.

Right before you left his apartment, you left a little note. Since it wasn’t possible to talk to him, you decided to write him a small note.

‘Hey, I’m sorry for everything that I’ve caused. I know you’re hurt, I know I’m selfish. I need to reflect on myself. I’ve been thinking a lot. I have so much insecurities and many flaws. Nobody is perfect, I thought you were. But you’re the same as I, your flaw is not being good with words. And what’s mine? Being too sensitive. I’m sorry, Myungie. I’ve been a bad girlfriend, a really bad one. I don’t deserve you, you don’t deserve me either. Like what the others say, you deserve someone better than me. A girl that doesn’t over-think, a girl who doesn’t feel insecurewith you. You’re a good boyfriend, Myungsoo. I know you’re able to find someone much better than me. I know you’ll live well, without me. I’ll do the same too. Next time when we meet, we’re friends. I’ve been saying this too much, but I love you. I should stop saying that in case the meaning starts to disappear. But I love you, so that’s why I’m letting you go. The days I’ve spent with you were lovely and wonderful. I want to go back to those days, but I can’t. We can’t turn back time. We can’t be the same anymore. Please don’t hate me, I don’t know what I’m doing too. But I sincerely hope that I’m doing the right thing for us. Till we meet next time, goodbye Myungie……’

Pulling your luggage with somewhat hesitance, you left the apartment without looking back and headed to your house. You changed your number and bought new clothes.  It was time to start anew – you were a new person now. No more dwelling. No more over-thinking. Maybe I should give love a break.

It was the day of Christmas, the day where you spent time with your loved ones, having a warm meal together. Everyone knew you loved Christmas, you were so hyped up the previous Christmas but this Christmas, it wouldn’t be the same. You were alone this year unfortunately. You left Myungsoo, wait the last time you checked, he threw a fit and left you. You hated to admit it, but he left you. “Go on and find another boy.”

1 month without him was hell, it was torture. You had been ignoring him for 1 month. 1 month has passed; each day was slow and torturing. Each day, you grew fonder of him, you longed for him even more.

You were right, your thoughts became true. If Myungsoo leaves, there would be no one hugging you, giving you warmth. There would be no one cuddling with you during the cold. There would be no one spending Christmas with you. 

You were right, he left and you left. Both of you left. Both were to blame. There was no one hugging you, giving you warmth and the fact that you were outside in the cold freezing wasn’t helping at all. It had started snowing, this year would be a white Christmas. You didn’t care, without Myungsoo, there was no point celebrating Christmas.

Shaking your legs, you rubbed your hands together for heat. It was -6 degrees and you went outside to take stroll along the neighbour. You found a bench and sat down. Many couples were around you; rub your happiness on me please. You thought casually. You took a sip from your hot chocolate as you watched people walk pass by. The Christmas decorations were such eye-candy, it was luminous and very eye-catching.

A group of boys passed by you and you were reminded of Myungsoo. Why? You thought, why do you see him when you close your eyes? Why do you hear him even when you block your ears?

“I thought you knew that I was different from the other guys.” He was, he was special. You didn’t mean to compare him with other guys, it just slipped out of your tongue. You knew his past – the scars he received from his parents emotionally and how much he hated being compared to.

You thought about yourself, maybe you were a little too much. You shouldn’t have forced Myungsoo, you knew he was like this. Myungsoo wasn’t good with words, he didn’t know how to express his feelings. You knew all these, didn’t you? However, you were too blinded by your insecurities to even think about his feelings.

You felt a pang on your chest, horrid was all over you. You should have thought about Myungsoo’s feelings, up till now you had only thought about yourself. You should have spared a thought about Myungsoo’s feelings. Why regret now? It was all too late.

All I thought was myself, I’m such a mean person. You bit your lip and realized with painful clarity. You were overcome with deep regret and remorse. Myungsoo must have hated me, in addition, I even asked him not to hate me.

You were too drained to even think any further so you continued drinking your hot chocolate.

彡彡彡

Myungsoo screamed hysterically as he threw a tantrum in Sung Yeol’s place. He didn’t care if the neighbours could hear him and he didn’t give a if he had burst Sung Yeol’s ear drums. He didn’t give a about anything now.

He had been living in Sung Yeol’s house since the day of the quarrel. He hasn’t return back home since. Sung Yeol had been making trips back and forth to get Myungsoo’s stuff. Myungsoo didn’t have the courage to go back – to the place full of their memories. The first time Sung Yeol went there, Myungsoo was awaiting at Yeol’s place for good news. Something like, “She’s there waiting for you, get your back there.” Or “I’ve brought her here!”

But no.

Sung Yeol came back to Myungsoo dejected. Hot tears were prickling in his eyes when he heard Sung Yeol.

“She left, everything’s gone. It’s like she hadn’t been there at all. There’s no trance of her existence. She took all her stuff away. Except these.” He handed the photo frame and the note to him. That was the photo frame you didn’t bring with you.

“This…” Myungsoo sobbed bitterly as he remembered taking the photograph. It was taken on your 3th date. He had brought you to the amusement park and played all the rides with you. You both looked so happy that it brought tears to him just thinking about that day. Myungsoo sniffed as he wiped his tears with the back of his palm. I shouldn’t be crying, he told himself.

Later on, he proceeded to read the letter. I’m sorry was all he could say as his voice trembled. Sung Yeol also told him about the 3 girls the other day. “She’s been through a lot because of you.”

So it had been a month, a month since he last saw you and a month since he returned back to his apartment. For a month, he hadn’t left Sung Yeol’s house once, he didn’t even attend school. So basically, he had no life. He texted and called you so many times but it always went to your voicemail. “She’d changed number.” Sung Yeol told him but Myungsoo didn’t want to give up. He continued doing the same thing every single day without fail.

“Why don’t you go out? It’s Christmas!” Sung Yeol suggested. Myungsoo just shook his head and told the older to just go out if he wants to celebrate Christmas. He was used to being alone, it was okay. Just like before he met you, he was a loner too so now, he was back to his loner self.

“No, you’re going out whether you like it or not.” Sung Yeol grabbed hold of his shirt and pushed him into his room to get ready. Sung Yeol prayed in his mind that you would be outside too. He knew where you live and everyone knew you loved Christmas. You probably wouldn’t lock yourself at home.

Sung Yeol dragged Myungsoo to some place. Myungsoo examined his surroundings carefully, it was very familiar. He was sure he had been here before. Then it hit him, he was in your neighbourhood.

“Hyung, why are we he-” He was cut off by Sung Yeol.

“I’m doing you both good, just follow me.” Myungsoo could only nod and hugged himself for heat. It was freezing cold and he was glad he wore gloves and a scarf. Cuddling with her would be the best, he smiled faintly.

“Stay here.” Sung Yeol ordered Myungsoo and left him stranded there alone. There were many couples on the streets, Myungsoo couldn’t bear to watch them any further. They only reminded him of you. He went into a store and a shop assistant went up to him, “Hello, may I help you?”

Myungsoo thought for awhile, it wouldn’t hurt getting you something though he wouldn’t be able to pass it to you. He could just keep it. “Yes, I’m getting something for my girlfriend.”

Girlfriend or ex-girlfriend?

Girlfriend! No doubt your relationship was over, but Myungsoo still recognized you as his girlfriend. Let’s just say you had never left his heart, not even once. The next time I see her, I’ll tell her that I love her. 

“If you ever saw her again, what would you do?” Sung Yeol asked him. What would I do? Myungsoo had no clue either so he told Sung Yeol plainly that he didn’t know.

“Think.” Sung Yeol gave him a serious frown. Myungsoo gulped and thought deeply. “I’ll tell her that I love her and I’ll never let her leave my sight ever again. I won’t let her leave again, I won’t let her feel insecure again.” Sung Yeol smiled, more than satisfied at Myungsoo’s answer.

Myungsoo had chosen couple lockets for you and him. You gave him a couple keychain last time, so now it was his turn. He wore his immediately while he sent yours for wrapping. Somehow, he wanted to pass you the gift that day so he prayed hard that he could see you.

He exited the store and met Sung Yeol outside. “Yah, get me the cookies from the shop in that alley.”

Myungsoo frowned at him, why couldn’t he get it just now when he left? But since Sung Yeol had helped him a lot, he smiled and agreed.

“Take care, Myungsoo! Good luck!” But Myungsoo didn’t seem to pay much attention to Sung Yeol’s words. As he walked into the alley, he realized that he was near your house. His heart gave a jolt. Good luck! He remembered Sung Yeol’s words; oh he must be up to something.

Maybe I walked through this alley, she would appear and give me a surprise, Myungsoo smiled and melted inside just thinking about you. Magically, fatedly. He had this foolish grin on his face as he made his way deeper into the alley.

“You’re doing well, right?” He mumbled under his breath. She who was so special. If you were really there, Myungsoo thought. He would never let you walk away from him again. He would hold onto you tightly, he couldn’t lose you. Never again.

Myungsoo stood rooted to the ground and his eyes widened. His lips curled into a smile as he lowered his head, smiling foolishly to himself. There you were, taking a sip from your drink unaware of his presence. You made Myungsoo’s heart shine brightly and melt warmly. Butterflies appeared in his stomach as he stared at the ground.

You noticed someone standing there so you turned. You froze in panic and wished that you didn’t turn around. Because right in front of your eyes stood Myungsoo. A prince.

A gasp escaped your lips, indicating that you were taken aback. What was he doing here? You questioned yourself as you looked away from him.

“Yeobo,” His voice sounded heavenly from your ears. Yeobo, oh how you missed hearing him call you by that! You sat on the bench, too surprised and shocked to even move an inch. You were quivering with excitement, you realized. You had always wanted to see Myungsoo again, and there he was, looking like Prince Charming in front of your very eyes.

“You don’t have to say anything. I’ll do the talking now.” he spoke up. You instantly looked up at him. He gave you a satisfied smile; finally you were looking at him. “Everyone has flaws. I’ve accepted yours now, I should have known that you felt insecure.” You swore your heart stop just by listening to him.

“We shouldn’t talk about the deserve part. I don’t care if I don’t deserve you or whatsoever. All I know is that I need you. I need you so badly that I can’t do anything without you. I need you, I need to see you. I need to feel your love so damn badly. I’m nothing without you.”

It took you awhile to absorb everything, you couldn’t think now. Your mind was currently blank. Your eyes blurred suddenly with tears, Myungsoo’s speech was so meaningful and touching.  

“Yeobo, you’re wrong. I didn’t well without you. You’re not doing the right thing either,”

He took a breather before continuing. “There are 2 people in a relationship, we both have to make an effort to keep it going. It can’t be just you, we both have to do something to make it right.”

Blinking back the tears, you thought about Myungsoo’s words. He was right. He took the seat beside you and hugged you. At first, you hesitated for awhile. The situation was very awkward. It was 1 month since you last saw each other but it seemed like a thousand years. “Sung Yeol told me about the 3 girls. I just want you to know that whatever the others say, don’t listen. They’re just envious of us. And I’m sorry for not being able to show you my feelings and for not being able to give you my answer.” He locked eyes with you and gazed into your eyes fondly, “Look at me.”

You had no choice but to look back into his eyes. Oh you didn’t know how much you missed looking those eyes of his. His eyes sparked brightly and you got lost looking into them. “Whatever they say, I’m not going to care. Because,”

He paused. You frowned at him slightly but he just laughed. What? Because what? Tapping your foot impatiently, you pouted as you waited for him to continue. But he didn’t.

“Are you playing with me now?” You glared vengefully at him. He held up his hands, giving you an innocent look. You were about to hit him hardly when he quickly replied, “Because I love you.”

You could swear that your heart skipped a beat. What did he just say? A blank expression was on your face and Myungsoo grew worried. Did he just….

“Yeobo?” He waved his hand in front of you. Seeing no reaction from you, he brought you into a kiss forcefully. His right arm was around your neck as he locked lips with you. You felt your knees buckle. “I love you. I love you. I love you so freaking much.” He mumbled in between the kiss. You pulled him apart as you gasped for air. The kiss lasted for 1 minute? 2 minutes? 3 minutes? Well, you didn’t care then. Myungsoo just told me that he loves me… You thought with an elated look on your face.

“Aren’t you going to reply me back?”

You struggled to keep a straight face as you faced him. “Reply what?” You teased playfully.

“That you love me?” You rolled your eyes playfully.

“I do?” You stuck out your tongue at him but you were brought into another kiss again.

“Of course I do,” you answered your own question and giggled. “I love you, Myungie.”

Myungsoo softened, hearing your nickname for him. He smiled whimsically and played with your hair. He missed playing with your hair so much. “Don’t ignore me, never again okay?”

You nodded your head and replied, “I won’t do that. Never again.”

“I love you. Those 3 words will never ever lose its meanings.”

MERRY CHRISTMAS 

hiyeom! it's christmas, finally! though i don't really celebrate it, let's just spend the day happily and replay infinite's white confession which i'm doing now! hahahaha truthfully, i think this fic is rather fail. it was really rushed. i'm sorry, i apologise in case i don't meet your expectations. i'm really sorry, i'll be back with better fics. i promise. when i re-read my fics, i always think i can do better. and really, i think i could have done a really better job with this fic. the last chapter was so fail, i was so embarrassed to even write it. well, i'm glad that there are still subscribers and people who look forward to see my updates. well i hope there are. this fic was really short, i should have brain-stormed more in advance first. so i'm really disappointed that i rushed through. 

btw, read my one-shot. wrote this with my friend. it's a christmas fic, though it's angst. i only have 1 subscriber, i'm so sad ;____; sub will you?   heheheh and lastly, i wanna thank everyone who has read this fail fic. i'm so grateful to you guys i can just cry. TT TT thank you so much. please join me as i give you a round of applause! <3 hehehe wtf am i talking about. it's midnight, omg let me just sleep. byeyeom guys! oh and please follow my tumblr! http://myunghamstar.tumblr.com/ talk to me.