You went to school the next day, Myungsoo and you were in the same university but attended different courses. You yawned loudly as you made your way out of class. You couldn’t wait to reach home to get some sleep because you looked as if you haven’t slept in days. It was mainly because of last night. You couldn’t fall asleep no matter what you did. You were bothered by everything.

“Yah.” You halted and turned around to see 3 girls standing behind you. You sighed – they were the girls who were obsessed with Myungsoo. They were here to harass you again, weren’t they?

“What?” You replied with annoyance. Better make this quick, you thought.  

“Are you still with Myungsoo?” They interrogated you.

“I don’t know what Oppa sees in you.” One of them grumbled with a smirk.

“I’m really sure he can do better with one of us.” Another mocked as she looked at her nails. You gulped though you were used to this. You were used to the threats from the angry fangirls of Myungsoo. But today, you didn’t feel like hearing any. Today, their words sounded harsher to you and you were too emotional to handle all these without breaking down. You felt like you’ve just been hit by a bullet.

 “Oppa doesn’t love you, don’t push yourself to him!” The last girl cried and then laughed evilly. She’s freaking obsessed. You got goose bumps forming on your arm hearing her awful laughter. The other 2 girls joined and continued laughing with her, at you.

You found tears welling up in your eyes, what if they were right?

“You don’t deserve him, ! Oppa is ours! Just get lost from us and him!” You swore that their hearts were black  in color, how could people say such mean stuffs?

You your heels and walked away from them. You couldn’t bear listen to them any longer, you felt so awful as though you’ve been stabbed in the heart.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

You instinctively turned around and saw Sung Yeol standing there. You heaved a sigh in relief when he gave you a faint smile. My savior of the day!

Sung Yeol was one of Myungsoo’s best friend and to you, he was like a big brother that would cheer you up no matter what. “O-Oppa!” The girls stuttered. Who wouldn’t, Sung Yeol was so tall and he looked dead serious like he could kill someone now with his glare.

“We’re just talking!”

Sung Yeol ignored their comment. “Myungsoo would be blind if he chooses one of you. His standard isn’t that low. You stop stop harassing ~~~ if you don’t wish to die. Get lost.” He scoffed and they immediately stumbled away.

“Thank you, Yeol,” you mumbled, giving him a bitter smile. “Don’t tell Myungie, please…” You immediately said. Sung Yeol was about to protest but he softened when he saw your hurt expression.

“Bye, oppa.” With that, you quickened your steps and headed home.

彡彡彡

You sat on your bed, curled into a ball with a slight pout on your face. You sighed loudly, confused by everything – your feelings, the words of Hayeon and the 3 girls and Myungsoo. You thought about their words, yet again. You hate to admit it, but they actually made sense.

“He could be playing with you. He has never told you that he loved you.”

Maybe.

Then you referred to the incident earlier today.

“I don’t know what Oppa sees in you.” I don’t know what Myungie sees in me either.

“Oppa doesn’t love you, don’t push yourself to him!” Maybe he doesn’t. Am I pushing myself to him?

“You don’t deserve him, !” I don’t, do I? I don’t deserve such a beautiful guy like Myungsoo…..

An unintelligible feeling of easiness seized you, for once you were having doubts of Myungsoo. It’s the first time, you realized. Your insecurities could eat you alive.

What if?

What if Hayeon was true? What if the words of the 3 girls were true? What if Myungsoo was playing with you? What if Myungsoo didn’t love you? What if you were pushing yourself to him? What if he left you? What would you be without him? What would you become if you lost him? What if you could never look into his eyes again?

You would be lost in this terrifying world.

You shook your head sorrowfully. Those frightening and scary thoughts had to be gotten rid off.  You glanced out of the window; it was the start of winter. It hadn’t started snowing yet, but it was getting really chilly.

If Myungsoo leaves, there would be no one hugging you, giving you warmth. There would be no one cuddling with you during the cold. There would be no one spending Christmas with you. You sighed loudly, on the brink of tears. You hated to admit it, but you were gravely afraid. You were afraid that Myungsoo would leave you all of a sudden. Oh no, you were deeply in love with him.

The biggest worry when you’re in a relationship is that your love could just leave you out of a sudden and you wouldn’t know when….

Just then, Myungsoo entered the room. His room, to be exact. You stayed with him since your parents were always overseas and Myungsoo had his own apartment.

If he breaks up with me, I would have to leave this place – the place filled with all of our lovely memories.

“Hey yeobo~” He smiled beautifully. He looked so breathtaking that you were even more afraid. Many girls were after him, and if he leaves you, he could easily have another girlfriend and you would be forever alone.

You made space for him as he lied beside you, “Myungie,” You gave out a faint smile, hoping he wouldn’t suspect anything. You lied there, silently thinking about the incident the day before.

“Myungsoo, I love you.”It was the first I love you between you guys and it was really awkward. You couldn’t believe that he didn’t reply back. He just nodded his head and ruffled your hair. You were really expecting a reply back but he just held your hand and walked out of the park. You couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Why wouldn’t he just tell you that he loves you? That would make everything better. That would just prove Hayeon and the 3 girls wrong. That would stop you from thinking too much and from feeling insecure.

“What’s wrong?” Myungsoo asked. He knew you too much and you couldn’t help but feel grateful and touched. But sometimes, because of that you couldn’t hide anything from him.

And we’re not supposed to hide anyway, so just why wouldn’t he tell you that he loves you?

But he could hide things from you – was it because you didn’t know him enough? Everything’s wrong, Myungie. But of course, you wouldn’t say that out. Myungsoo would grow crazy, wouldn’t he?

“Nothing,” you bit your tongue, hoping he wouldn’t suspect a thing. But on the contrary, he knew of course. He was like a genius. He knew everything about you, from your feelings to your thoughts inner or outer.

“You can say I’m your stalker.”He said with his pokerface. “Maybe I really am.” You couldn’t tell if he was joking because he was hard to read with that face of his on.

He was always hard to read.

“Then I’m your number 1 fan girl.” You replied and he agreed. “The number 1 fan girl who knows everything about me.”

Not everything, you thought. You didn’t know his feelings for you. You didn’t know if he was sincere and whether his feelings were real. If it’s real, why wouldn’t he say I love you?

“Don’t lie, you can tell me everything you know.” He gave you a smile. The smile that made butterflies appear in your stomach. “It’s okay if you don’t wish to tell me.” He wrapped his arm around your waist and you nestled your head into his chest, instinctively. Sometimes, he was too innocent that you couldn’t doubt him.

“I love you.”

You found yourself saying those 3 words again. You didn’t know why you said it. It just managed to slip out of your tongue. Now you dreaded Myungsoo’s reaction. You didn’t want to know because somehow you knew you wouldn’t be getting a reply back.

“I know you do.” He patted your back and hummed you your favorite song. But I don’t know if you do, Myungie.

“Do you love me?”

Myungsoo just looked at you though you tried to avoid eye-contact. “Look at me.” You had no choice but to look at him. His eyes were beautiful – it took your breath away and you almost got lost just looking into them. Both of you stayed silent. He leaned in and gave you a kiss. “You should know.” He mumbled in between the kiss.

I don’t know, Myungsoo.

hiyeom! another chap yepyep! the drama has just started, the next chap is gonna be interesting as heck! thank you for the lovely comments! i wanna thank everyone for reading this! thank you so much! :D and 9 days to christmas! 25-16=9 okay yes. 

byeyeom!