You rolled your eyes with irritancy and moved away from Myungsoo. You were tired, exhausted of Myungsoo, his fangirls and the people who doubted your special relationship. “You don’t love me.” You mumbled softly. Myungsoo’s ears perked up at your statement.

You heard Myungsoo sighed loudly, “Yeobo, no…..”

Your heart sank deeply as you felt your heart shattering. Tears trickled down from your cheeks, onto your neck and then your shirt. “Yeobo…” He hugged you from behind but you pushed him away.

Amidst your tears, you stood up and left the room. You couldn’t take it anymore, your doubts and insecurities were taking over you. “He doesn’t love you,” An annoying voice in your head told you. “Just leave him. You don’t deserve him. He’s too good for you.”

Those evil and horrible thoughts took over your mind as you fell onto the floor, with hands clasping your head. “Shut up!” You screamed loudly as you continued crying. A knot was forming in your throat.

Myungsoo rushed out of the room and his eyes widened at the sight of you on the floor. “Yeobo?” He came closer to you but this caused you to scream louder. “Go away, Myungsoo!” You wringed your hands in despair. You didn’t want him near you at all.

He rolled his eyes at your dramatic behavior; this was his first time seeing an outburst from you. He wasn’t good with words, you knew that. He didn’t know how to express his feelings, he had difficulties. You had accepted that fact long ago. So why were you throwing a fit now? He too, didn’t know how to react in this situation. He could only stand there and look at you. He scratched his head awkwardly as he listened to your screams and whines. Though he didn’t like seeing you like this, he listened.

He was a great listener; he always listens to everything you say without interrupting. And now, he would do the same too. He listened to your rants, one by one, it hit him. It hurts him when you didn’t realize his heart.

He loves you, he does. He just didn’t know how to say it and express it. Mainly because his parents never told him before. You see, his parents were forced to get married. They once told him that words didn’t mean a thing at all, just like those words they said during their wedding. He doesn’t love her, she doesn’t love him.

He was brought up like that; the words of his parents were all fake. They didn’t mean a word they said. They didn’t love each other, so there wasn’t any love in his family. They never told Myungsoo bed time stories, they didn’t spoil him, they didn’t spend time listening to him, they never once told him that they love him.

Because they don’t, Myungsoo would always tell himself that. He was envious of his friends. They all were loved by their families deeply but he was alone. He had nothing before, but now he has you. But still, he didn’t know how to express his feelings to you. Thus, he used his eyes and his heart. That was why your relationship was special and unique. He didn’t want to tell you that he loves you because words wouldn’t have any meaning.

“H-Hey,” Myungsoo walked to the table and grabbed a box of tissue. He knelt on the floor beside you and patted your back. “I’m sorry..” He whispered softly, sending chills down your spine.

You shook your head, wanting him to disappear from your sight. “Go away!” You cried out loud, not caring if it was audible to the neighbors.

“Yeobo, don’t be like this.” I love you, you know…. Despite the wanting to say that, Myungsoo held back. He didn’t know why. He just couldn’t spit those words out. He loves you, he does in fact very much. You are the most important person to him now; his life revolves all around you. His parents didn’t give about him any longer, that’s why he moved out on his own. He was blessed to have you. You are his one and only.

You knew you couldn’t stand being mad at him for long. You knew you would start forgiving him minutes later. You didn’t want to, you realized. You wanted to be angry with himfor once. Actually, he wasn’t to blame for. The only person that needs to be blame was you. You shouldn’t expect so much from Myungsoo. He was like that; he was this kind of guy. You were mad at yourself for loving him so much and expecting too much.

Expectations would eventually lead to disappointments.

You realized that you were too dependent on him. You loved him so much that you got hurt so easily by him. It has to end, this has to end. You needed to be more dependent and to stand on your own feet. Because you just loved him so much….

Myungsoo leaned closer and brought you into his chest. You nestled your head on his chest, still crying. Your cries resounded throughout the apartment. You felt comfortable in his chest, you almost relented until you realized that this was one of his motive to make you give in. You immediately pushed him away, crying harder. You bit on your lips, trying to end your tears.

But you were too overwhelmed to even stop. Your eyesight was blurred by your overwhelming tears. “Don’t cry….” You felt Myungsoo’s hand on top of yours. You brought your hand to yourself, away from him. “Don’t touch me.” You hissed in between your cries. You shakily stood up and sauntered to the bedroom. Myungsoo followed behind you, eyeing on your every action.

“What are you doing?”

You ignored him as you blew your nose. You grabbed your schoolbag and shot him a glare, “I’m leaving. Don’t look for me.” With that, you ran out of the apartment. Apparently, Myungsoo didn’t follow. That bastard, you scoffed under your breath. But you needed some space too.

You found your feet bringing you home, your own house. It shouldn’t be known as home any longer, nobody lives there now. Nobody. Your parents were always overseas and you were an only child. You couldn’t blame them; they were working to put a roof over this family. You unlocked the door and dragged your feet upstairs to your room. You let yourself fall on the bed helplessly and weakly. Sleep immediately took over you. Well, at least you didn’t have to cry to sleep or over-think.

彡彡彡

3 days. It has been 3 days since you last saw Myungsoo, he wasn’t been in your sight today either. You had kept yourself busy these few days, you studied all day. It worked, you didn’t think of Myungsoo that much. You avoided him in every way you could. You didn’t see him in school at all strangely. He had school too, maybe he didn’t attend.

You had ignored his calls and texts. You read the texts, I’m sorry, please forgive me, I’m sorry and those and rubbish. You grew madder at his spams, what does he think my phone is? Spamming me?

His friends were everywhere though, they were always spying on you, you found out. Earlier today, Sung Yeol approached you in the hallway as you got your books from your locker. “Hey, how are you?”

You just shrugged your shoulder; you didn’t want to talk to him too. Though he was innocent, he was one of Myungsoo’s friends. It was possible that Myungsoo had sent him to talk to you.

“You know, about Myungso-” You held out a hand to stop him. You shook your head, indicating that you didn’t want to listen to him.

“Well, just hear him out okay?”

“I don’t see why I should.” You mumbled bitterly.

“You should if you saw him. He looks horrible.”

“Worse than me?” You raised your eyebrows questioningly. You had heavy eye bags under your eye. You dressed sloppily. Your face was as pale as a sheet of paper.

Sung Yeol nodded hesitantly. “He looks dead, to be honest.” You felt your heart shatter; it’s all because of me. He was like that, and it was your entire fault. You thanked Sung Yeol and walked away from him. You didn’t want to hear anything about Myungsoo anymore.

You stormed up the stairs to the roof, it was the place where you spent quiet moments with yourself and nobody else. Nobody would be there, there would just be you. Alone. But you loved it, nobody could disturb you.

You had your arms on the handles and sighed loudly. What was going to happen to us? You wondered with your eyes closed. Was this the end of us? You didn’t care how long you spent there wondering. Time wasn’t an issue anymore.

“Yeobo,” someone wrapped their arms around your waist. You rolled your eyes irritably. Who else could it be?

Kim Myung Soo.

You spun around and glared furiously, shooting daggers at him. Like what Sung Yeol said, he looked horrible and dead. You softened at the sight of him. Maybe it was enough. 3 days not seeing him was enough. It was a punishment for both of you. It killed you inside to see him suffering.

“I’m sorry, Myungie.” You brought him into a tight embrace. “I’m sorry,” you sniffed, on the verge of tears.

“It’s okay, I’m sorry too.” He played with your hair in return.

You smiled, everything was going to be okay now. Myungsoo’s going to tell you that he loves you any sooner and it would be goodbye to all your insecurities.

“I love you.” You giggled, feeling like a cheese ball.

“You know the answer.” He chuckled lightly. Your smile faded away instantly. Till now, he couldn’t say it? A big frown replaced your smile. A wave of futile rage swept over you.

“Other boyfriends would always tell their girlfriends that they love them..” You mumbled sulkily.

“I thought you knew that I was different from the other guys.” He replied back with a frown on his face too. You knew this wasn’t going to go anywhere.

“I just want to hear it from you verbally.” You mumbled softly with a pout on your face.

“Well if you want someone that tells you that he loves you when there's no meaning to his words, then go find some other dude other than me.” Myungsoo exploded furiously. You were comparing him with other boys and he hated it. He hated comparison. His parents would always compare him with other kids in the past.

“Myungsoo ah, I heard that JiSoo topped the whole school again. Why can’t you do that?”

“Myungsoo ah, HyunJin came 1^st in a swimming competition, why don’t you want to learn swimming? You can’t do anything!”

They made him feel useless as though he was incapable of doing anything. He would like to shoot back, “Why aren’t you like other parents who love their child? Why can’t you be like them too?”

And now, his girlfriend was comparing him with other dudes? Of course he couldn’t stand it. He shot you an intimidating glare and stalked off. “Go on and find another boy.” He smirked in disbelief and left you standing there like a fool.

Just when I thought everything was going to be okay….

hiyeom! 1 more chapter to go! and it'll be the christmas chapter! yipee, please comment pleaseeeee. :D p.s please follow my tumblr if you have one! its myunghamstar.tumblr.com i post my singing and writing work there! please big me i'm very bored. talk to me on tumblr! byeyeom!