Note: Once again, the inspiration song is highly recommended 

Taeyeon – U R

Can you believe I almost cried on broadcast today because of you? Silly girl, silly us. I just can’t believe we almost cried together in front of like, two hundred thousand people. That is like, Korea itself.

For a long time, in my heart,
Full of clouds, it rains
For warm sun to shine,
I sincerely hoped.

Crying reminds me of the past. I will never cry for something I did not see happen yet. Nor will I cry for a moment in time. The only thing that spurs me to cry is the stuff that has happened in the past. The past that haunts with regrets and unfulfillment. The past that my youth has wasted. The past with right encounters at the wrong time. The past with wrong people at the right place. The past that drained me out. The past that scared me of the present and the future. The past that I do not want to visit except for a rare glimmering memory. That then would be the shiny golden ticket lulling me into the lifelong fantasy that I would take a long, long time to get out off. The thing is, the past has happened. There is no reason for me to comeback. There is no strength for me to defy the force of time. The is no power for the hope of changing it. There is no reason to cry anymore. Long I have been waiting for that stream of sun ray to wash away yesterday’s ash. Long I have abandoned that mournful land in my heart to save space for a change. A change of weather. With a chance of sunshine and meatballs obviously.

Raindrops that wet my shoulder,
When I dried, I alone,
Was so afraid that it would remain.

I was looking for hope. Then I’m met with disappointment. I left the soil in my soul unattended, half neglecting, half awaiting the serendipitous rain that would bring with it erosion for my deserted past. The rain did come. It rained hard. It couldn’t stop. It was a heavy down pour. It washed away the dirt that I had been waiting to get rid of, but then it also gnawed into my core, tearing my body apart. Me and him was a whirlwind. We brushed past every place we have been to, we broke down all milestone, and we took everything we could with us for a rocket ride soaring across the sky and then a painfully long plunge downward. It soaked me in distrust and solitude. It burned down whatever fence I have built for myself. I was bared.

You are like a light, after the rain has passed,
You come up in my heart, like this.
Cause you are, the light that fell on me,
You are, like a beautiful dream,

Then you came back. Out of nowhere. As if you’re the God given light I read about in the Old Testament. Somehow the universe let you down, and you left whatever Eden you where rejoicing in to descend to me and my earthly manners. I was pretty sure you left, for good, when hunky tall strange guys lined up our doors with deliveries packed with giant lifeless teddy bears and your half of the couple item set. I was pretty sure I lost you. Your beaming smile that marred whatever pathetic predicament your shenanigans led you in, your eyes squinting so shut sunshine and rainbows might probably ooze out when you are hushed to sleep, your slender fingers that can barely hold up your pearled manicure,… I thought I have lost all of them. They were sent in a tied package with somebody else’s name under receiver. Gone, out of