“Nothing in this world happens by chance” 
― Paulo Coelho, Veronika Decides to Die

 

► Jealous - Labrinth

 

So um, hi.

 

How are you doing? Yesterday, I deleted my account. It took a while to decide, but seeing that you're online and not talking to me is just too painful. So I'm sorry. Anyways. it's good to see that you're doing fine. Are you eating well? Are you studying hard? 

School has been really hard for me. Especially now that the guys from the lower sections were transfered in our class so their grades would improve. I get humiliated by them a lot. They're nice when they're asking for answers. But after that, they would start being insensitive again by having no limits with their words. Next school year, everything would change. I would leave Pampanga to go to Angeles. I would study there for K-12. I would be staying in a dorm or an apartment.

I honestly have no idea why I did this. 

 

But Joshua, I feel so gloomy.

 

I don't know what do with my life anymore. Everything has been a one big routine. The same things happen every single day. I really have nothing much to say, so I'm gonna take this opportunity to express my feelings.

 

I remember last Monday, when I read your message, I cried so hard. I felt regret rushing in me. I wanted to hug you. I wanted to take back every words I said. But then I thought, who am I to feel such things? I broke up with you, and that means I gave you the opportunity to seek for someone better. To look for someone who would give you the things I cannot give. I'm not blaming you. I'm blaming myself. I know that I'm the one responsible for my own emotions.

I felt like an and a jerk at the same time. I cried while laughing as the memories kept flashing in my mind. The same day I read our old messages. I was less-sad that time. I miss you, Joshua. And no matter how much I tell myself to stop, my hands keep on clicking your account, hoping to see something. A piece of hope, maybe. But nothing. And I took that as a clue to stop everything. And then, I deleted our 30,000+ messages while shaking. It was the hardest thing ever. I deleted the messages you sent in my phone. I deleted everything. But I could never delete you.

 

When you receive this, it's probably December 25, 2015.

I hope I'd be better by then.

I would stop typing on the same day.

 

I probably look desperate to you right now. But um, thank you for everything, Joshua. I hope you realize how hurt I am, seeing you.

I can't bare to see you. Not now, at least. Well um, I love you. Stay safe!

I'll let the song say the rest.

 

 

// 9:27 PM