Chapter 5; Unfinsihed [last!]
Unreachable.
I looked at the text I just recieved. It was from Kyu.
'Are you okay?'
Idiot, how can I be okay. After what just happened, how can I be okay. Or maybe are you pretending aboout not knowing how I feel?
I sighed and pushed on 'reply.'
'No, of course not, how can I be okay? Is you wound okay? I'm sorry.'
I wonder if it's alright. He hit him pretty hard just now. I should have protected him better... The most precious idiot for me, I couldn't even protect him from something like that. And the worst thing is that he got hurt because of me...
Tears strated to flow. Why hasn't he replied yet? Maybe he's busy? WAIT! What if he's still there!
I stepped out of my bed and ran to the door, but before I could open it and rush the house out toward the park, I heard my phone. Luckily the volume was set low, so Siwon couldn't hear it. I grabbed my pink phone and read the text.
'It's okay, everything is fine. I'm at my sis' house, so she's taking care of it. And I know that you'll be okay as long as you try to love him, so just bare with it for a moment. After tomorrow everything will be alright.'
W-what? How can he say that, just like before. I won't do it, I won't!! Never! I won't love Siwon, even if I'll lose Kyu anyways, they should know that already. But what if... Kyu doesn't want to be with me... So he's, he's... making me love Siwon...
I stared to the wall in front of me , shocked by my own thought. I don't want that. He told me he loved me, he can't do that!
I tried to reply to the text, but my hands were bibbering so much that it was hard to do.
'What do you mean? You think my love is just merely that! Do you think I'll be okay without you that easy? After all those years? The world without you was so hard, I don't want that anymore. Maybe... Are you okay without me? Is it okay with you that I'm marrying someone else tomorrow, who I don't even love?!'
"If not... Please... Don't say those things." I cried just by myself. I hugged my knees waiting for his reply.
Are you painfully living each day just like I am. Or aren't you in pain at all? Was it just me who thought that maybe... Maybe we could still try. You told me just now that you loved me. Are we too late? W-was I too late? No right. We can still be together. I know it. I just feel that we still have a chance. I... I just know it.
I started to cry harder and unfortunaly, Siwon heard me. I heard his footsteps coming closer so I rushed to the door and locked it. Siwon probably heard it so he knocked on the door.
"Sungmin. Are you alright?" When I heard a smile curved on my lips and I slided down to the ground, sitting with my head between my legs.
"Sungmin. W-" I started to chukle.
"You both are real idiots." I started out loud and layed my legs on the ground.
"Eh?'' Siwon answered confused.
I kept my silence for a bit and kept on laughing, but my laughter suddenly stopped.
"Idiot..." I sighed, "How the hell do you guys think I'll be- I'll be okay?" I chuckled but felt my tears rolling down my face. "Are you idiots? Dumb? What are you guys?" I sobbed. I couldn't hear anything anymore from the other side of the door, but I knew Siwon was still there.
I saw my phone light up and jumbed to my phone. Forgetting that Siwon was still on th other side of the door. I wanted to read the text but got interupted by Siwon.
"Sungmin-ah." I turned my head to the door evn if I couldn't see him. "I love you... I really do.'' And I heard his footsteps walking away. My hand began to shake. The phone that was just now in my hand, fell on the ground, next to my bed. I was so shocked by Siwon's word. Only now I realized how bad I was toward Siwon.I kept on being selfish, while Siwon was also hurt this whole time. He always tried to let me feel better. He was always nice to me, helped me with anything I needed, did everything I wanted, but I did nothing for him. I just ignored him, while only thinking about my first love. But still. I love Kyu and only him. There is no one who can hold me heart. I looked at the fallen phone. I almost forgot the text.
'Min-ah. To be true, until now I always hoped for us to still have a chance together. I still love you, more than I loved anyone before and more than I ever will. That's why I have to let you go. I promised myself to do whatever it takes to make you happy forever. No matter how lonely that makes me or sad. You're more important than my own life. After I saw Siwon, I knew that he was the one who could make you the happiest person in the world, unlike someone like me who only hurt you. So I have to give you to him. Sungmin. Just this time, listen to me. Of course I won't be okay without you, but I know you will. It's not that you can't love someone else, it's just that you don't let yourself. If you allow other people to make you happy, I promise, the world without me won't be that hard.'
It was the worst text of tonight. The worst of my whole life. Kyuhyun wanted to give up all his happiness just for me. Yet I still doubted his love. He was right that Siwon is a good person, but that still doesn't mean he can be better than Kyuhyun. It will always be Kyuhyun. Always. I cant AND won't let myself.
'Kyu. I mean it. If it isn't you, no one can hold my heart. I know you want it. I know you want me to only love you and be with you. There is a small change that you can't make me as happy as Siwon, but even if you can't we still can be happy together. Even if you try to, you know that you can't erase either of our memories or feelings. So please hold onto me, please hold me.'
"Please Kyu, please." I whispered while holding my phone to my heart, praying for this moment to stop. Wishing he wouldn't end it like this.
I stood up and layed on my bed. Searching for my bunny and hugging it really tight. Everything went blank until my phone started to vibrate again.
'Lee Sungmin. I beg you for the last time... Be happier than me.'
After that, I can't even remember what happened. I only remember crying. Crying and feeling hurt. Like being hit by a bullet...
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-Next day-
''Sungmin! Sungmin!" There was a loud yell from outside. "SUNGMIN!" Ah... It's just Heechul...
HEECHUL?! I sat up shocked, and ran out of bed 'Oh No. He's gonna kill me!'
"Chullie~ I'm coming." I walked toward the door to unlock it. "Sorry Hyung, I forgot to lock it."
I saw Heecul standing right before me with his arms crossed. He looked angry at me, but that quickly changed.
"Why did you l- SUNGMIN! WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOU!!" He held my cheeks between his hands and raised my head up.
"Eh? W-what do you mean?" I asked him. Is there something wrong with my face?
"Your eyes are so... RED! And PUFFY! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED WITH YOU! YOU LOOK SO PALE! DON'T TELL ME THAT SIW-" he yelled as hard as he could. I knew he was going to blame Siwon, while he didn't do anything.
"No. It he didn't do anything bad..." I sighed. Heechul calmed down and looked pitiful at me. "He's- He's really nice Chul-ah. Don't worry about him" I said lifeless.
"Then what did happen?" He asked me confused. I wonder... I can't remember anymore.
"I... I don't know." I told him, looking blankly. I tried to remember it, but nothing came.
"You! Don't lie to me. Let's go make you ready and talk about it in the meantime..." He said. It was the first time that Heechul acted like that toward me. He was usually a y person, but I knew all along that he was a good human. I guess that's why I still ended up befriending him.
We walked the room in, actually Heechul dragged me while I was lost in my own thoughts. He let go of my wrist and stared at me. I just stared back and didn't say anything. Still trying to remember something. I looked away out of guilt. I wanted to tell him so badly, but I couldn't. I didn't even know myself what happened.
"Sungmin! Tell me already! You can tell me everything you know." he said sincerely.
"I really don't know Chullie. I-I don't..." I felt my eyes getting watery, but this time they didn't fall. He looked at me with a surprised face. "I-I don't remember... But one thing is for certain... He said I have to be happy..."
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After 2 hours of making ready and one hour of travelling, they finally reached the place, where it all was going to happen. It was a beautiful place, with thousands of flowers in pink, white and blue and a huge amazing building. The party was next to the building, in a beautiful garden. There were already many people gathered and everyone came to me as soon as I arrived. Some told me how beautiful and handsome I looked. How happy they were for me and that I'm so lucky to marry such a handsome man. Siwon came to me and introduced people to me, I smiled at them and chatted a bit. I met many new people and welcomed and thanked them for coming and for their gifts. But the whole time I was searching for just one person. Unfortunaly I didn't see him.
I greeted everyone after one hour and finally went to our parents. My mom looked so happy, that her son was finally going to marry, so did my dad. I had an endless talk with Siwon's parents but someone grabbed my attention. I smiled a sincere smile for the first time since I came here. I excused myself from our parents and ran toward the person.
"Zhoumi! You came~" I exclaimed cheerfully. That means he's here too. "How have you been?"
"Sungmin~ I'm doing fine. You must be nervous for later, right?" He asked me happily.
"Yes, I am. Are you alone? Or did you come with Kyuhyun?" I asked him shyly.
"Huh? I didn't come with him," My smile immeditly faded away and a fake small crossed my lips again. "He was already here for awhile~ He was just talking to Hyukjae-shii. He was... Oh there he is. " He pointed behind me and I looked behind me and after that worried at Zhoumi. I want to go to them, but I don't want to leave Zhoumi alone. What to do~
"Haha, don't worry, you can go to them." He smiled at me. "I'm waiting fo-"
"Mimi, I'm back." I looked beside me and saw Henry. "Sungmin~ Hi, again." He smiled to me.
"I told you it was alright. Go~" Zhoumi giggled and turned to Henry and I walked as fast as I could toward Kyuhyun, Eunhyuk and Donghae.
"Kyu~ " I pounced on him and giggled. He looked confused at me but laughed in the end.
"Hi, Min. You look happy. I told you right." He said with a weak smile.
"You weren't right at all..." I pouted.
"Eh? I don't get it at all~" Donghae whined, "Let's go, Hyukkie. I'm hungry, I'm hungry~" He yelled and grabbed Eunhyuk's arm and dragged him away.
As soon as they left, it became silent again. We just looked into each others eyes. They were both filled with pain and regret. But after re-reading the texts, i realized that there was nothing that would change his mind. Finally this is it. We're going to end like this.
My tears wanted to fall again but I tried to hold back my tears. "Kyu..." I whispered. He looked gently at me.
"Uhm..." He hummed.
"..."
"Min-ah~ It's almost there." He smiled a sad smile to me.
"Huh?"
"In a little bit time, you're going to give yourself to Siwon." I looked shocked to him as he turned his head the other way to avoid my eyes.
"K-" "Sungmin!"
Siwon walked toward us and held my hand. "You have to make ready, hurry up, our moms are waiting for you."
I just nodded and turned to Kyuhyun around, who was hurt by the fact that Siwon held my hand like that. "I'll see you later Kyu."
"Yeah, see you." I said to them and went to the building were my mom and his were waiting.
Short normal POV, after that Sungmin's POV again.
Kyuhyun and Siwon sat together at a table, drinking a glass of punch. Siwon kept on getting greet and congratulated.
"Kyuhyun-shii. I know you're worried, but don't anymore." Kyuhyun looked suprised at Siwon. Siwon was just looking in front him and coninued, "I promise you, I will take good care of Sungmin. I will make him forget you. I already understood that you want that to happen. I won't make you regret your decision. I'll make him fall in love with me and then he will be happy again." Kyuhyun stared at Siwon, but nodded. He knew what Siwon meant. Kyuhyun smiled at the thought that Sungmin will be finally happy.
"But you have to promise me something in return." Siwon ended and looked at the confused Kyuhyun. He just nodded and listened to the latter. "Please try to also be happy. Even without him." Siwon said seriously to Kyuhyun, that made Kyuhyun smirk. This is guy was really something. Even thought Kyuhyun was the one who made their relationship like this, he still wanted him to be happy. He is really perfect for Sungmin.
Siwon also started to laugh of Kyuhyun. They both laughed a lost without anyone knowing why, they understood each other so well. Kyuhyun was happy he was going to give Sungmin away to such a great guy. He suddenly doesn't regret anything.
Siwon sighed suddenly after the laughter. "I wanted to ask you... Could you see Sungmin less?" he hestitated to say it. "I mean. I don't want you to fully part or something. I''m alright with you guys seeing each other, but it will be a lot easier if you didn't see each other much. For both of you." Siwon didn't want to say it, but he felt sorry for Kyuhyun. He wanted the both of them to recover soon. And this was the best way he could think of. He also thought that Kyuhyun was an amazing guy, even with his snarky, cold attidude. Siwon felt guilty toward him, but he still wanted to make Sungmin happy and he knew that Kyuhyun would also want it like that.
Kyuhyun's smile faded for a minute but a small, sad smile came along. Siwon wished he would just have that blank face than this one. He must have hurt Kyuhyun really badly, since Siwon never saw a smile like this. It gave him goosebumps. I t made him also feel a bit of pain in his heart.
"Don't worry about that, Siwon-shii." Kyuhyun sighed and looked in front of him. "I already took care of that. For now on, I won't stand in the way of Sungmin's happiness~ And I'm sure he will love you soon." He said smiling.
"W-What do you m-mean?" Siwon didn't like it at all. He knew that there was something behind it.
"I..."
I stared at the mirrow before me and sighed. I looked to myself.
"Sungmin... Lee Sungmin... What the hell are you doing? Marrying someone other than Kyuhyun... Wasn't it always your secret dream?" I told myself in the mirror and shed one tear. "Why are you listening to that dummy? You love him, he loves you... You don't need anything else right? Why do you still let him ignore your feeling... And by the way, you idiot! Since when did you become such a crybaby." I whiped the one tear away that fell down and smiled to my reflection. "That's right. Let's not cry anymore~ That's the reason why Kyu left you idiot! We should show him that we are strong enough to be happy with him, Sungmin Fighting~!" I really went crazy... I'm talking so much to myself. I face palmed myself and went out of the building.
Today I'm sure of it. I'm not going to give up after so much years. This time I will surely convince him. I walked cheerfull around to find Kyu, but couldn't find him. But I did see Siwon, that means that Kyuhyun must be there too~
This time I won't let him ever go away again.
I neared to Siwon, but didn't see Kyuhyun so I decided to ask Siwon. "Siwon-ah~ Have you seen Kyuhyun? I can't find him anywhere." I pouted cutely, but at the looks of Siwon's face, I saw that there was something wrong.
"I'm sorry Sungmin..." Siwon said sadly, knowing the reaction that would come of Sungmin, "Kyuhyun-shii went away for work."
Sungmin sighed and pouted. So he already went away. I guess I have to wait for tommorow... WAIT! My wedding is to-
"And..." he added, "He won't come back again." Eh... W-what did he say? W-was it a joke? I suddenly felt something salty in my mouth and woke up out of the shock. I realized that I was already crying. Am I and idiot? I just told myself that I wouldn't cry anymore, to show Kyuhyun that I was strong enough, but I'm already crying...
"I'm really sorry Sungmin. He... He didn't want me to tell you yetm but-"
"Why..." i whispered. "Why did he leave?"
"Sungmin... "
"When did he leave? Please tell me I can still catch up with him." I wanted to run after Kyu, but I was stopped by Siwon.
"He already left a while ago. He must be almost at the airport..." T-This can't be! Why is God so unfair to me.
I started to cry even more and Siwon hugged me to comfort me. I hugged him tightly and some people stared at us, but I could care less, because now that Kyuhyun left me... Nothing matter anymore. Because the person whom I wish to love isn't here anymore. He went on his own journey. His own love. And I'm not included in it... So the only thing I can do is let you go. I'm ready now. I know now, that I can be happy without you. I can love someone else, if I just allow myself to. But one thing is certain. I will never love them as I love you and you will always be in my heart.
Kyuhyun-ah... Thank you... And goodbye... Please be happy... That's the only way I can live on...
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'I was right... You will be okay with him. You'll surely love him...'
He smiled for a second and stared at the boy in Siwon's arms.
"Goodbye, Lee Sungmin."
-End of Unreachable~-
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