"Oh, Kyungsoo. I don't even have the words...I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I don't know...I'm just...I'm sorry."

He let Naomi's voice wash over him, taking away a little bit of the disappointment he felt. He'd been so close. If it hadn't been for the stupid charley horse at mile twenty, he would've made it for sure. Maybe he should've eaten the energy goo sooner? Maybe he should've taken some extra calcium supplements. If he'd warmed up and stretched a little more before starting the race, perhaps the cramp could've been avoided.

"Thank you, sweetheart." His reply was devoid of warmth. He was numb, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well.

"How do you feel? What do you need from me?" Naomi's tone was pleading. He could hear the heartbreak in her voice.

"I don't know. I'm just so...so pissed off. Seven minutes! I missed the cut by seven friggin' minutes. I... I can't even... ARRRGHHH!" He really wanted to break something just to hear the satisfying sound of destruction. He looked around the empty apartment for some physical outlet for his frustration, but found nothing.

"That just really , hon. I wish I could be there for you."

Kyungsoo blew out a heavy breath and sunk back onto their bed. "I wish you were here too, babe. I just really want to hold you right now." He closed his eyes and brought back the memory of their last night together before Naomi left for France. He could almost feel the softness of her skin, taste the sweetness of her lips.

"I know this was important to you. I just want you to know that I'm behind you if you...you know, decide you want to keep training." Her voice trailed off almost like she was afraid to say what she had.

"I can't even think about that right now, but thanks." After a tension-filled pause Kyungsoo wanted to just forget about running. He was done running – from everything. "So how was the sight seeing trip?"

"It was...good. I was a little distracted," Naomi hedged.

"Sorry, I didn't mean for the race to ruin your day," he grumbled.

"No, no. It was fine. I was, well it doesn't matter now, anyway. We had a good time. In the chapel of the fortress were statues of Peter, Paul, and Mary. It was pretty funny. Ness didn't get why I was laughing, but I thought it was kind of hilarious to see a sainted trio of American folk singers in a French fort." The lightness of her voice and the soft chuckles sprinkled throughout her description were just enough to brighten Kyungsoo's mood slightly.

"That does sound pretty funny. I'll bet you my Dad would've loved to see that. I'll have to mention it to him later."

"So are they not at the apartment, then?"

"No, they wanted to give me time to pout."

"Kyungsoo, I don't..."

"It's okay. Those are my words, not theirs. They're coming back over to take me out to dinner. I'm all out of the meals you made for me; they were really good." His voice trailed off, but he hoped she could hear the gratitude.

"Oh. Well, I'm glad they lasted you this long. How has handling the checkbook been?"

"A pain in the . I don't know how you do this every month. I guess I have a better understanding of the stress you've been under in that regard." He did not want to think about the time he'd spent trying to balance the dumb thing or the fact that he had to go on some informational website to get instructions. "I graduated college with honors. I'm a pretty smart guy. How is it that I can't even figure out how to balance a checkbook?" He remembered saying to himself. His current irritation was only slightly tempered by the fact that he had finally figured it out.

"Well, when I come home, maybe we can work on that together; try and stay on the same page, okay?"

"Sounds good." His words came out in a prolonged yawn.

"I should let you go; you sound exhausted."

"Yeah, I need to catch a few zzz's before Mayu and my folks come back." Since he'd already showered and was currently sprawled out on their bed, he simply shuffled under the sheet and started closing his eyes.

"I know you're upset with how the race ended, but I just want you to know how proud I am of you; that you finished and finished well." Kyungsoo let out a derisive snort, but she seemed to ignore that and pressed on saying, "Yeah, yeah, not as well as you'd have liked, but still, Kyungsoo, this was a really big accomplishment and I'm glad your family was there for you when I couldn't be."

His sleepiness had lowered his usual emotional defense mechanisms and he wasn't prepared for the feelings Naomi's heartfelt words stirred up. He thought back briefly to some of his personal realizations and pushed through the desire to shrug off the compliment and underline the fact that his goal had not been reached.

He had failed, though apparently that was only in his eyes. His parents had expressed the same sentiments to him as Naomi had. They were proud of him and he was having a really hard time accepting that. How could they be proud of him for failing? The mixture of his negative and their positive emotions were warring within him, and he could feel it in the way his throat tightened up. And though he would not admit to crying, he would acknowledge that his eyelids might have been sweating a little.

"I love you, Kyungsoo. I just wanted you to know that."

He muffled a sniffle on the pillow and turned back to the phone. "Thanks hon. You have no idea how much your support means. I'm sorry I haven't told you that more."

"No more apologies, okay? I think we can start on fresh ground and move forward, don't you?"

"Yeah. I think we can. I love you, Naomi."

"I'll talk to you again soon."

"Oh, hon?" He'd just remembered the scrapbook. "Be on the look out for a package coming to you soon."

"Okay. What is it?" She was always trying to ruin a surprise.

"You'll see when it gets there. Just a little something Mayu helped me with."

"I can't wait to see what it is."

They spent a few more minutes reassuring one another of the love that they shared. The once-guttering little flame of their affection was carefully being brought back to life, and it gave Kyungsoo more hope in their future.

As he drifted off to sleep he thought about how much happier and more carefree Naomi sounded. She was getting herself together. He only hoped that he could do the same.

Hours later, the low murmur of voices roused Kyungsoo from his nap. He groaned as he slowly sat up in bed, his muscles protesting every single movement. Even his face hurt. A sliver of light shone under the bedroom door and the voices became a little clearer.

"I'm sure he'll be dead to the world for at least a day. I know I would've keeled over at mile five. I am just so in awe of the dedication and work he's put into this endeavor. I wish he wasn't so hard on himself." His mother's voice was calm and soothing, and since she assumed he was still asleep, he had to accept that her words were genuine and not just some cheap form of lip service.

"He is such an amazing man. I wish there was some way for me to help him see that." His father's voice echoed down the hallway, b with desperation and - there was that feeling again - hope.

He pushed up from the bed and began the strange limp-shuffle to the door. His stomach was grumbling and he was ready for some food. As soon as he turned the door handle, the conversation in the living room quieted. All three sets of eyes were on him as he hobbled into the room and sat heavily on Bella's reading chair.

"You look a little stiff, son. How are you feeling?" Mr. Do inquired.

Kyungsoo chuckled dryly and responded, "Stiff would be an understatement. I feel like I've been run over by a truck."

He glanced at the clock on the wall and wasn't surprised to see that it was close to nine. "You guys didn't wait for me to have dinner, did you?"

Mayu began shaking her head gently and said, "No. We tried to call several times but you never answered. So we figured you were probably zonked. But we did bring you some food from the restaurant. I hope steak and a baked potato is okay?"

Kyungsoo audibly groaned at the thought, earning an approving grin from his sister. His mouth was watering before he'd even had a chance to respond with words.

"I figured as much. I'll go heat it up for you." Mayu hopped up with an enviable amount of energy and ducked into the kitchen to fix Kyungsoo's plate.

"I've got some bags of ice in the freezer if you want to ice down your legs or feet." Mr. Do looked hesitant as he stood up slowly, angling his body toward the kitchen.

"That sounds great, Dad. If the tub was big enough, I'd say let me just have an ice soak in there, but only half of me would fit."

As Mr. Do bustled into the kitchen to retrieve the ice packs, Mrs. Do came to stand next to her youngest child, her hands through his preternaturally unruly hair. He closed his eyes and rested his head on the back of the chair, humming in appreciation of the loving attention from his mother.

She across his forehead, smoothing the creases of stress that seemed to be in permanent residence on his brow. "You were amazing today, Kyungsoo."

He pinched his eyes shut tighter and sighed. Even after his conversation with Naomi, he was still having a hard time accepting the praise and accolades that where being shoved at him by everyone. "I didn't make the cut. I failed," he mumbled dejectedly.

"Oh, tosh. Kyungsoo." Mrs. Do's hand stilled before running down his cheek and grasping hold of his chin. All of a sudden he felt very much like a little boy about to get the scolding of his life. "You have always been a child of absolutes. It was really quite frustrating when you were younger, even more so now that you are older, extremely intelligent, and rational."

"What's your point, Mom?"

Mrs. Do released his chin and sat down on the edge of the ottoman in front of Kyungsoo's chair. "My point is that you didn't reach your goal this time. That doesn't mean that you will never reach it. I didn't think we raised you to quit so easily. This was your first try. Just because things have usually come easily to you in the past doesn't mean it's the same for the rest of us. It's rare that I get anything right the first time."

"But I did everything I was supposed to. I was prepared and I still didn't make it." Kyungsoo ran both hands roughly through his hair, pulling at the ends in frustration.

"And maybe you won't the next time either, but what about that third time? If you give up now, you'll never be able to realize your full potential. You are so much better than the results of one race."

At that moment Mayu came out with the warmed up dinner, Mr. Do following close behind with half a dozen bags of ice and a few Ace® bandages. Several minutes later, Kyungsoo was enjoying his dinner while trying to ignore the sting of the ice packs on his skin.

"I remember when you were first learning to ride your bike without training wheels. Do you remember that?" Mr. Do was looking beyond the walls of the small apartment, but Kyungsoo knew the question was directed to him.

"A little. I remember falling off and not wanting to get back on."

Mr. Do chuckled a bit at the memory. "You were such a stubborn child. You kept saying the bike made you fall off, and that you were never going to ride again."

Kyungsoo remained silent, not really remembering the actual events.

"It took an entire year to get you to try again. The funny thing was that you'd already ridden by yourself. And no matter how much we encouraged you and reminded you that you could do it, you just wouldn't. It wasn't until the next summer when your cousins were visiting and I put the training wheels back that you climbed back on. You complained about how hard it was to turn with the training wheels. As soon as I removed them, you took off and never looked back." Mr. Do chuckled, turning a wistful smile to his son.

Kyungsoo was part amused, part chagrined at having his intractable behavior as a child brought back to his remembrance. So he was always a stubborn little bugger. That still didn't explain why he felt so short-changed when it came to his childhood extra curricular activities.

"Why didn't you guys ever let me do any sports when we were kids? Seungsoo was always doing baseball and Mayu was dancing, but every time I asked to join a team the answer was no."

The anguished glance shared by Mr and Mrs Do did not go unnoticed by either of their children, prompting a question from Mayu.

"What are we missing? I always thought it was strange that Kyungsoo never got to play baseball like Seungsoo." Mayu took Kyungsoo's empty plate and placed it on the dining table, quickly returning to her brother's side.

Mr. Do wrapped his arm around his wife and sighed. "I guess you guys were too young to have really noticed what was going on. We must have done a pretty good job at covering the shortfalls."

"What do you mean? What shortfalls?" Kyungsoo began unwrapping the ice packs, dropping them into a large bowl that had appeared next to his chair at some point.

"The city of Goyang was in a major recession when you guys were little. The hospital had to make some serious budget cuts and as a result, my hours were reduced by two thirds. My student loans were swamping us, and keeping up with the mortgage was nearly impossible. We had to sacrifice a lot of the extras that we'd grown accustomed to." Mr. Do looked as remorseful as one can be for a situation that was out of his control. In his head, Kyungsoo understood this, but his childhood heart was still raw.

"But Seungsoo kept playing ball, I was still dancing. How did you manage that?" Mayu seemed to be trying to work out the logistics of it all as well.

"Seungsoo kept playing because he stumped all over the town drumming up sponsors for the team to subsidize the out-of-pocket costs to the families involved. He also spent every summer mowing lawns to pay his own way." Mrs. Do seemed to beam with pride for Seungsoo's ingenuity and resourcefulness. It shot an arrow of envy through Kyungsoo's heart that he never remembered seeing the same kind of look on his mother's face for him.

"Mayu kept dancing because I agreed to sew every blasted costume for every recital for three years in exchange for reduced tuition. That's six recitals times fifty costumes. Not including the adjustments and fittings that had to be done on the spot. But you loved dancing so much, and you positively glowed on stage. It seemed a small price to pay." Mrs. Do eyes again seemed to fill with love and emotion as she spoke to Mayu.

"Your mom stayed up 'til all hours of the night on more than one occasion making sure all of you little girls were perfect puffy confections of lace and frill." Mr. Do face was nostalgic and full of fondness as he spoke.

"So by the time it came around to me, there was just nothing left." Kyungsoo stated with a dull and final tone to his voice.

"Kyungsoo, sweetheart, we went over our budget every which way we could, but there wasn't a penny left to spare." Mrs. Do eyes begged him for understanding. Both of his parents looked so heartbroken at the fact that they hadn't been able to give Kyungsoo the same opportunities as his siblings.

"I thought...I...I felt like you didn't think I was as good as Seung or May. Like I didn't deserve to get to do the same things as them."

He could tell by the expressions they wore that his words had cut his parents to the quick. A lone tear trickled down his mother's face and he instantly felt like a jerk for bringing it up. "Never mind. I'm sorry I said anything."

"No! Don't be sorry, sweetheart. We never knew you felt that way. You were always so quiet and accepting of our responses when you'd ask about joining a team, we just figured it wasn't a big deal to you." Mrs. Do looked to Mr. Do with pleading eyes.

"It was when you turned eight and began begging for piano and singing lessons that we once again looked for ways to make that happen. Mrs. Lee's mother was bed-ridden but refused to be put in the nursing home, so your father worked out a deal where he would come in four nights a week to care for Mrs. Lee in exchange for Mrs. Go giving you lessons."

Kyungsoo felt heavy trying to absorb this entirely new perspective. The flames of his ire and indignation dampened as he tried to look at his childhood through his adult eyes and new understanding. They'd done the best they could for him. They had sacrificed their time, energy, and freedom so that he could have a chance to do something too.

He almost didn't want to broach his next question, but it was insistent in his mind. "Why did it always seem like my piano recitals came in last place? I was always dragged to Seungsoo's games and Mayu's dance stuff, but it seemed like Seungsoo was never at my recitals, Mayu always had earphones on, and even you Dad, were hardly ever there. I just... For my whole life I have never felt like I was good enough to merit the family's attention."

Mrs. Do's head dropped to where her face couldn't be seen and Mr. Do's expression turned to an irritated kind of sadness. "Seungsoo was at every single one of your performances. He would come straight from practice or from working at the grocery store and stand in the back with the video camera, to make sure that I was able to see you play. Most of the time I couldn't be there because Mrs. Go had to be. Her mother was growing more and more ill, and needed round the clock care. So when she was hosting the recital, I was with Mrs. Lee. But I watched each tape and was so proud of how well you played, and even sang. I wish I'd told you that more often. As for Mayu you'll have to ask her yourself." Mr. Do shot a look in Mayu's direction, eliciting a cringe from the slight woman.

Kyungsoo turned his gaze toward his sister as if to ask, "Well?"

"What can I say? I was twelve. I was a snotty, obnoxious, tweener brat. I wanted to look cool, so I brought my discman and wore my stupid headphones, but I never turned it on. Even when you were younger, you were always amazing to listen to. I'm sorry I was such a snot, Little Brother." Mayu reached her arm around Kyungsoo's shoulders and squeezed, resting her head on top of his.

He was completely speechless. Kyungsoo's whole perception of his formative years had been rocked to its foundation. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, cradling his head in his hands.

"By the time Goyan's economy had improved and your father was hired back on full time at the hospital, you had formed this shell around yourself and were so driven to reach above and beyond. I guess, knowing what we do now, you were trying to prove yourself. If we'd known back then, we might have been able to better support you; to help you realize that your value and place in our family were sure. You've never had to prove anything to have our love." Mrs. Do's last words trailed off into the quiet of the room.

"Is that why you've never touched the money we set aside for your schooling? Were you trying to prove something? Assert your independence?" Mr. Do's eyes bored into Kyungsoo like some kind of superhuman lie detector beam.

Kyungsoo nodded woodenly. "I thought that if I could do it on my own that you would be proud of me. That you would see I wasn't a failure. I was always afraid that if I did something wrong, that you would deem me less worthy than Seungsoo or Mayu. That you'd see me as a failure. The one that screwed up."

"Oh, honey. We've never seen you as a failure. Even now, with everything that's going on with Naomi, we don't see you as a failure. We can't say that we aren't disappointed with some of your choices, like not using your college money, especially in light of the financial struggles you seem to be having, but we are so proud of all that you have accomplished."

All of Kyungsoo's walls, all the feelings of inadequacy, all of the long-harbored hurt, coupled with the adrenaline crash he was beginning to experience, was too much for him to contain.

Unable to stop it, his shoulders began shaking in silent sobs as everything his family had told him crashed and swirled around him like a turbulent ocean. He was hardly cognizant of the three sets of arms that encircled him.

He had a vague sense of comforting words and his own stilted and choked expressions of disbelief and confusion and an entire childhood of hurt spewing from his mouth. He wasn't sure how long the huddled embrace lasted, but he was completely spent.

Leaning heavily on his father's shoulder, Kyungsoo hobbled to his bedroom. Mr. Do brought him a few ibuprofen and a glass of water, encouraging him to try and relax and go to sleep.

"When do you guys go back home?" Kyungsoo's question was slurred and filled with the grogginess that was overtaking him quickly.

"Mayu goes back home tomorrow. Mom and I are going to stay for another couple days if that's all right with you?"

Kyungsoo's eyes were already closed as he lay back in his bed. "Sounds good."

"Maybe tomorrow we can talk about that car of yours."

"Okay." His response was more automatic than understanding.

"I love you, son. I'm so very proud of you. You're a good man."

"Love you too, Dad." His words came out as a mumbled whisper, but they were still loud enough to be heard by one of the proudest fathers in the world.

A/N: Kyungsoo character development, almost complete! I cried with Kyungsoo in this chapter ^^ I might have to double update now since this is deadline week and we still have a little more to go. Until a few hours!