It has been 2 months since I came back to America. I pretty much get back to my daily routine except now my father wants me to work at the company. So as of last month, I officially became CEO and I hate the job very much. Too much paperwork, too much calculation, too many meetings, my head feel as exploding every day. But I have to try my best. My old man trusted me very much to let me handle that position. I don’t want to disappoint him especially after one long year that I left him lonely to live my own selfish little fairy tales life. Plus working is a good way for me to get my mind off Korea and … off Jae Joong. He has been sending me more than one hundred emails, asking where I am, begging me to come back to him. He was definitely devastated. His words were very sad. I cried every time reading his email but I never responded to him. It is not time yet. My wound hasn’t healed yet. The last email that he sent me, he told me that he would definitely find me.

Well! Good luck with that! No one knows who I am and where I live. My family is the most discrete family in the U.S. Plus, he doesn’t even know my real name. If he can find me, it will be a miracle and maybe I will consider a chance to get back with him. I know it is a mission impossible but somehow deep down in my heart, I hope he can find me. Oh well, I am a hopeless romantic. What can I do? I will want to play prince and princess a little more I guess.

Just like any other day, my butler sends me to the front entrance, opens the car door for me and let my chauffer take me to the company. As normal, I read the newspaper while sitting on the car. I keep very minimum communication with my chauffer. I don’t really talk much to anyone besides my father actually.

 As the car arrives, the chauffer opens the door for me.

“Have a good day!” – He says in Korean and I am startled. Why does my chauffer speak Korean? He is American. And that voice, that voice is awfully familiar. I normally don’t look at my chauffer when I step out of the car but today I take a look and I am stunned.

“Kim Jae Joong? What are you doing here?” – Yes, he is Kim Jae Joong. I rub my eyes for more than 2 times to make sure that I don’t see wrong and I definitely don’t see wrong. I even pinch his face to make sure that he is real and he is definitely real. He scowls as I pinch his left cheek.

“Miss, you need to stop randomly pinching my face. I am real, not an imposture.” – He calmly tells me. How can he be that calm? And why does he call me Miss? He never called me Miss. My mind is in a mess right now. I try to puzzle everything but it is impossible to puzzle. Just what is happening? Why is he here dressing as my chauffer?

“Yah. You haven’t answered my question yet. What are you doing here?” – I raise my voice. This guy after 2 months till keeps the great ability to drive me crazy.

“Don’t you see, Miss?” – He gestures his chauffeur uniform – “I am your chauffeur.”

I keep staring at him without a blink. This is crazy, totally crazy – “What nonsense are you talking about? Why does a famous Korean Idol become a chauffeur? Did you cause so big of a scandal that you got kick out of K-pop?”

He steps closer to me, too close actually. I can feel his breath, I can sense his smell. Darn it! I miss his scent. My heart is pounding like crazy. All the veins in my body are working at its maximum capacity. And the stupid butterflies in my stomach are suddenly having seizure again. I thought they were dead after the day I left Korea. Apparently, they are still alive and crazy as before. I don’t realized how much I miss him until now. I really want to pull his head down close to me and press my desperate lips on his. Lucky for me that I am standing front of the company so a little bit of my sanity is still working and stopping myself from doing something crazy.

“Who can kick Kim Jae Joong off showbiz? I just temporary quit.” – He says, breathy.

I have to take a step back to keep my head straight. His breathy voice still drives me insane as before. And the way he looks at me, still full of love and passion. His eyes are as a dark hole that keeps my soul in. I can’t breathe from his intense stare.

“Why … Why do you do that?” – I mutter. I am too fluttered to control my tone of speaking.

“Because I need to look for my runaway girlfriend that hasn’t responded my emails in two months.” – Darn his gaze. I am almost can’t handle myself his.

“Well maybe because she doesn’t want to see a liar boyfriend like you.” – I try to defend myself with harsh words but it doesn’t seem to work. My heart is still thudding like crazy right now.

He grins, that devil grins that get me every time -“Hm… really? Are you sure that she doesn’t want to see me?”

“Of course not.” – I am flushing. I can feel the heat on my face. – “But anyway, how can you get the chauffer job?” – I need the answer for that question. I don’t know what kind of trick he pulled but it is unbelievable that he is my chauffer. How he even knows who I am? And who dare to give him a job? My chaffer has to go through extensive background check to ensure my safety. I don’t believe that they just let a random K-pop star to be my chauffer. It must be a joke.

“Your father hires me.” – He calmly answers

“What?” – I maximize my eyeballs. Why did my father hire him? Unbelievable! – “You are a liar.” – I yell at him. I refused to believe that my father approved him to be my driver.

“I am not. You can ask your father if you want to.” – He stolidly tells me.

Of course I am going to ask my father. I am not letting this slide easily. – “Fine, let’s go to my father office with me. This is unbelievable.” – I tell him, irritated.

I am furious and rushing to my father office. I have to clarify what is going on.

KIM JAE JOONG POV

After the fight, I drove around to get some fresh air. I hoped that she cooled down when I got back so we could talk. I knew Si Won dead was a big shock to her. It was a big shock to me too but I didn’t expect that she wanted a break up. We were very happy together. I knew for a fact that she loved me. It was wrong of me to lie to her but I really had no choice. Si Won came to me that night and begged me to keep his cancer from Ji Hyo. He wanted me to play a part in his bad boy act so Ji Hyo could hate him. I told him it was a crazy idea but he insisted on that. He loved Ji Hyo too much. He was devastated. I couldn’t say know to my best friend last wish. And at that time I thought that was the best for Ji Hyo too. I knew she would be devastated if she knew Si Won had terminal illness.

So yes, I was wrong but I tried to protect her. I drove around for hours and came back home. I knocked on her door and she didn’t answer. Her door wasn’t lock so I walked in. She wasn’t in there. I checked her closet and all her clothes were gone. She didn’t leave anything, not even a letter. I called her cellphone but she didn’t pick up. I drove to her rooftop apartment and she wasn’t there either. I drove to every possible place that I could think of but she was nowhere to be found. I couldn’t believe that she was leaving me. Just where did she go? I hoped that she was still somewhere in Korea. However, the morning newspaper stole my hope.

 Some paparazzi caught her picture at the airport with all her luggage. So she seriously left me. The only place I could think of was America, where she came from. But America is too big. I didn’t know where to start so I patiently emailed her every day, hoping she would tell me where she was and I definitely would fly straight there and take her back. However, she never responded to me, not a single word. I wondered if she really wanted to end our relationship. Did she hate me that much? Should I leave her alone? I tried to live my life without her but it was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. I was so used to have her waiting for me at home with a delicious warm dinner after a long working day. I was so used to have her by my side, comfort me when I lost an award.

 I was so used to her.

Then suddenly, she disappeared. My life turned upside down. I felt empty, too empty that I couldn’t bear. I drank every night then locked myself in her room. I lied on her bed, trying to get a little scent of her to comfort my painful heart. Her scent was still on her pillow. I missed her too much. I never felt so painful like that before. That was when I knew I couldn’t live without her. I had to look for her. I had to take her back. So I asked for a break. My CEO was furious of course but Jun Su and Yoo Chun were very supportive. They asked CEO Baek let them use the time being to produce their solo albums and I could go look for Ji Hyo. With their help, CEO Baek finally agreed. So I left Korea and went look for her. I didn’t know where she lived, one time she told me that she was from San Francisco so I hoped that was where she was. I packed my clothes for a month worth. I knew looking for her would be difficult and time consuming. I bought the soonest ticket and flew straight to America. I didn’t have any plan, I didn’t know anyone there but I determined to look for her. I would never come back to Korea without her. That was how my America journal began.