Crushed from the thought, Namjoo turned away unable to smile.

“Where’s your mom? I haven’t seen her,” Eunhye wondered.

“She went out with the housekeeper grocery shopping.” Jongin replied.

“We were thinking about having an early lunch together,” Chanyeol added. “Was curious about what you did when you were away. You must have a lot of interesting stories.”

Namjoo glanced at Chanyeol unsure whether she even wanted to begin with her story. Timidly looking down at the floor she said, “It’s not really that exciting.”

“Don’t be like that. I’m sure you have lots to tell,” Chanyeol urged then stopped when Jongin shot him a glance. Clearing his throat he changed the subject, “Then, how about lunch after your mother returns?”

Jongin turned to look at her as if he wanted her to finalize the decision. She couldn’t tell why he was doing this to her. It wasn’t like they were her friends or as if she was in charge.

“Go ahead without me,” Namjoo said. “I’d like to get some rest today.”

“Then, why don’t you go enjoy yourselves?” Jongin turned to Chanyeol and Eunhye. “I have work to catch up on as well.”

“You’re not heading into the office?” Chanyeol raised his brows. “Wow, that’s a first. I’ve never been so surprised before. Don’t you think so, Eunhye?”

His wife chuckled, “I couldn’t agree more.”

“All right,” Chanyeol stood, “then we won’t intrude on your time anymore. Lets talk next time Namjoo. I really hope we can catch up.”

 All she managed to do was show a nod. Shortly after Eunhye and Chanyeol and their girls were gone. Placing the cup of glass she hadn’t taken a sip from down she stood to grab the tray, but Jongin quickly returned from the door to snatch it from her. “Rest. I’ll do it.” and just as quick as he’d stolen the tray from her he was down the hall.

Deciding that now was the time to retreat to the bedroom for some alone time she got up and headed down the hall. The solace of the bedroom welcomed her and sitting down on the bed she spent the next few seconds looking around the bedroom. Sunlight was seeping in through the window behind Jongin’s desk. It was clearly daytime, not yet even close to noon. Today was seriously slow. Namjoo wasn’t sure how she’d spend the rest of the day locked in this household with Jongin and her mother. Would she really have to stay cooped up in here until tomorrow?

Bored, she stood up and walked over to look out the window hoping there was something interesting to peep at. Sadly there was nothing. Just the empty street and the home opposite them. Sighing she peered up at the sky and wondered if she could use the time to visit Joohwan and her niece. That would at least serve as a reason for escape.

Abruptly turning around she let out a shout when her hand knocked into the back of Jongin’s desk chair. The pain heightened at the back of her hand disappearing seconds later when she spotted the three pictures that had never been there before. Their wedding portrait, a couple picture they’d taken after he proposed, and one of her alone. She had never noticed them before.

Homesickness for the privilege of a relationship she used to possess passed through her achingly. Her head shot up instantly when the door opened and Jongin stepped in. Catching herself she hastily walked around the desk toward the bed to sit down, hoping he wouldn’t be able to sense what had gone through her mind. Keeping her eyes astray she prayed he’d come in for his laptop and would quickly leave. Instead, he sat next to her.

“Are your feet ok?” he asked.

“They’re fine.”

Why would he worry about her feet?

“Do the cuts hurt?”

“No.”

What did he want? The more baseless questions he asked, the more uneasy she became. If he wanted to say something he needn’t beat around the bush.

“Is there anything you want to do today?”

Namjoo carefully thought about it. Should she tell him or not?

“I’m going to visit my brother when he gets home from work.” There. She at least hoped that would drive off the guilt of keeping her plans at bay.

“Will you be able to drive? I can take you.”

Joohwan didn’t like him…anymore. Namjoo couldn’t be sure if Jongin knew that or not, but she wasn’t about to ask.

“I can go on my own.”

This was, she felt, an empty conversation, something like small talk that had no value. What was he doing?

“Namjoo,” Jongin tenderly called her name. Hearing him say it this way made her heart gush. “Can you set aside the thought of leaving? Can you not only stay for Jaegeun but me, too?”

Her brow twitched and she turned to look at him. What was he going on about? Why would he want her to stay?

Jongin looked almost pitiful in a sad light with his eyes sparkling and gaze on the ground, as if afraid to look at her.

“I was always envious whenever I saw growing families,” Jongin confessed. “When I drove past them; whenever I saw them walking, shopping, or enjoying activities together. I always imagined what it was like to be a good father.”

Jongin always wanted a family. One where a child could grow up with his mother and father happily and healthily. That may have been one of his most desired dreams he wished to make reality. Namjoo understood the dream. Mother and father were two things she hadn’t had.

“I want to have a family,” he said then turned to look at her. His eyes were somber and sincere. She knew he was real about it. “Lets start a family, Namjoo.”

Her jaw tightened and she turned to look away. “I don’t want to have a child. I never thought of becoming a mother.”

The dream she may have once had, the only time she had hoped to get pregnant had long died. The cold shoulder Jongin gave her that night, that day when the desire inclined in her mind was so far away now. She wasn’t ready for that kind of life, didn’t think she would ever be ready. If two years ago the confrontation had never happened there might be a baby learning to walk right now.

But that was long dead.

“Namjoo…”

“I don’t want to,” Namjoo firmly stood her ground.

Jongin’s soft eyes turned a bit more determined. “You’re my wife.”

“That reason alone isn’t enough,” Namjoo stiffly reasoned. “I am not obligated to give birth to your child.”

“Why?” he asked. “Do you need something in return for carrying my child? Money? Should I pay you?”

Clamping down on her teeth she stood, having had enough of this conversation. So this was what he wanted to sit down and talk to her about? Getting her pregnant?

“I’m leaving.” Namjoo picked up her purse and found her phone within reach.

“Where are you going?” Jongin stood.                                        

“If you follow me, I’m going to drag my suitcase along,” Namjoo threatened before slamming the door shut behind her.

She immediately drove right over to her brother’s as planned, but knowing that Joohwan wasn’t in she parked across the street and just sat in her car. Maybe, she thought, she’d gotten too angry too soon. After all, Jongin had started the conversation nicely and perhaps, he’d been afraid to hit the point because he knew how she’d react.

What was her problem?

Sighing, Namjoo leaned back into her seat and closed her eyes. Did she need to apologize when she got back to his house?

The thoughts trampled over her for hours, keeping her wide awake until Joohwan drove up to his home. She opened her eyes when he knocked on her window and stepped out of the car. A few moments later she was inside his home with a glass of water in front of her.

“Why didn’t you come in? Inha was home with Yejun,” Joohwan told.

“Really? I didn’t know,” Namjoo said.

“How’s work? I didn’t expect to see you so soon.” He sipped his cup of tea.

“Nothing new,” Namjoo said then hesitated. “Have you heard from Kyung?”

The brother frowned, “What should I have heard from Kyung?”

Rubbing fingers against the glass of water Namjoo wondered if it was necessary to let him know she was back under one roof with Jongin. After all, she had chosen not to tell Kyung but in the end he’d found out by himself. If her brother didn’t already know Namjoo wanted to be the one to let him know. If Joohwan found out from Kyung he’d act up again and storm Jongin’s home this time confronting him. Namjoo wasn’t sure how things might turn out if that did happen. And by then, Jongin might find out the only lie she was still keeping from him. That his mother was her birth mother. How would he see her then? As a step-sister? Would he be grossed out? Maybe…he would want a divorce then?

It was an awkward thought and Namjoo was certain she wasn’t prepared for that kind of confrontation. If there was one thing, she didn’t think of Jongin as a step-brother.

“I’m not at the apartment anymore,” Namjoo forced herself to tell.

“What do you mean? Did you find somewhere else more affordable?”

“No.” Namjoo’s eyes shot down toward the tabletop. “I’m…” she glanced hesitantly at him, “at Jongin’s house.”

The brother’s face turned grave with distilled displeasure. He asked gruffly, “What are you doing there?”

How to tell him? The whole story? That she’d been tricked? If she did, wouldn’t he be even angrier with Jongin? She suddenly felt like a villain if she put Jongin at fault. Joohwan would hate his brother-in-law even more.

Now what?

“His nephew…was sick. I’m just there till he recovers.” Namjoo lied. Well, that was the partial truth…just not anymore.

“His nephew?” Joohwan frowned. “What does his nephew have to do with you?”

“It’s a difficult story,” frustrated for some reason Namjoo shook her head. “I can’t explain it.”

“You can explain it!” Joohwan raised his voice. “What is there that you can’t say?! What kind of lame excuse is that? Or are you the one who wants to be there?”

“No!” Namjoo instantly replied loudly. Without thinking the answer just seemed to pop out from . Had saying ‘no’ become a natural reflex of hers while playing strong?

Joohwan further frowned at her, “I don’t understand you Namjoo. What is this? His nephew is your excuse? Unless that kid is in the hospital, you have no reason being there. With that man! You said you’re going to get a divorce, now you’re living with him just exactly like two years ago! You keep going back and forth between the promises you keep making. Why are you indecisive? You studied so hard, worked so hard abroad, and came back like a different person. I thought you were ready for a new start, but why are you back where you were?”

Guilt flushed through her. Shame hugged her in its familiar arms. She was in a bad position. It was even worse that she didn’t fully understand her own intentions. She had no reason to convey. There was truth she had had plans to commit to upon her return, but all had been thwarted when Jongin stepped back into her life.

Where did she stand?

“Come stay here,” Joohwan urged. “I’ll talk to him. If he won’t leave you alone, I’ll hire a lawyer for you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Then you get out of there,” her brother demanded steely. “I don’t like you with him. You deserve better.”

Conflicted, she glanced at him then away. She could see a happy life without Jongin yet at the same time, she couldn’t see one. An ensuing moment of quiet drifted between them while Joohwan observed her.

“You…still like him?” her brother asked.

A sense of shame washed over Namjoo. Her eyes uselessly wandered over the kitchen countertop to the sink and the fridge, as if hoping that if she avoided the question it might just disappear.

“You can’t answer me?” Joohwan pressed on after giving her half a minute to think. “Don’t tell me that you don’t know. I know you know what’s going through your head.”

Lips sealed, she continued to stare at her surroundings. The answer was obvious but it was so difficult for her to face.

“Why won’t you walk out of there on your own?” Joohwan asked again. “I’m giving you two days, Namjoo, to think your answer over. While you’re there, I want you to carefully think about what it is you want. If you want to stay there, I want you to prove to me you can be happy. I’ll always respect your decision. If you still can’t come to a conclusion, I’m going to come for you and you’re going to end this marriage with Jongin. If you can’t do it yourself, I will do it for you.”

~~~~~

Why had he opened his mouth? Jongin groaned as he lay on the bed. He really needed to learn how to stop himself from saying unnecessary things or else he’d always be driving Namjoo off. If she really stepped through that doorway with no intention of returning, he would hate himself forever. Jaegeun would hate him. His mother would despise him.

Jongin didn’t want to be alone.

Jumping in for an early shower he joined his mother for lunch and then waited for Jaegeun to return from school. Namjoo hadn’t yet returned, and he momentarily wondered if she was badmouthing him to her brother. What would Joohwan do if Namjoo told him everything? Would her brother threaten him more violently than Kyung had because he was her family?

Jongin was sure that Joohwan wouldn’t hold back from taking action against him. There would be no mercy in taking his sister back. And the two would live forever loathing him.

The thought made Jongin want to scream. He couldn’t live with that!

While eagerly waiting for Namjoo to return he tried to busy himself with the work Secretary Hong had brought that morning. Only his mind kept zipping back and forth between Namjoo and the words on paper he couldn’t read. Then his heart jumped like lightning bolts when the door finally opened and Namjoo walked in…in different clothes.

Disapproval immediately flurried through him. Where had she gone? Who had she really seen? What had she really done? Alert, his mind screamed Kyung. Jongin swore that if they both did something together, he was ready to jump that man for daring to put a finger on his wife.

“Where’ve you been?” Jongin monotonously demanded to know.

“To the apartment.” Throwing the blanket over she sat down in bed. “I had dinner there and showered. That’s all.”

Jongin helplessly narrowed his eyes. Was she telling the truth or was she lying to him?

“Did you really?” he asked doubtfully, watching her lie down and stare up at the ceiling. For a lingering minute he watched her from the desk.

Then she sat up and looked at him, saying the one thing that most shocked him out of the universe. “Sorry.”

His eyes twitched.

“I got angry earlier.” She said. “And too soon. I’m sorry.”

Jongin hadn’t meant to asked what he did next, but he did. “Are you sick?”

“No.” she replied then turned his way. “What are you doing?”

His eyes sat on her for a longer time then he glanced down at his work. Namjoo was not the Namjoo he’d come to know but he wouldn’t argue against it. Lifting his laptop off the desk and gathering some papers he walked toward the bed to sat down next to her. Handing her the sheet of papers he said, “You can do me a favor by reading the list to me.”

Namjoo glanced the papers over quietly but didn’t argue, which he found super surprising. Was she not the same person he’d come across just a few weeks ago?

“All right,” Namjoo agreed.

Caught off guard by her, he didn’t bother with making a remark about her behavior. As she read him the list, he corrected her and directed her which things to cross out. The hours simply flew by like that. They even laughed together at some mistakes. Before falling asleep he didn’t think he’d ever enjoyed work so much.

***AHA! Joohwan is finally forcing Namjoo to make a decision! And she's acting on it! Didn't I say he and Kyung are her biggest influences?