Without noticing her that elegant smile remained plastered on her face peacefully, slowly fading when they landed on her. The expression in her eyes transitioned to sharp shock and Namjoo looked away.

“Sit down,” the grumpy Kwanhoon ordered.

Namjoo plopped back into her seat with fist tightening on her lap. A sudden mix of conflicting emotions stirred inside her. She didn’t know how to react. She was flabbergasted, dumbfounded, felt tricked, betrayed by Jongin, and usurped by perpetuating madness.

In her head she could hear her ten-year-old self begging on her knees, clinging onto her mother’s arm, sobbing desperately, crying for her mother to stay. The resolute anger at the imperfect but fair life turned upside down roared through her like a tornado across land. The emotions enhanced as the memories grew stronger.

Jongin and his father disappeared from the room along with the table and the walls. All she saw was the mother who had abandoned her and Joohwan sitting in front of her with deploring eyes, as if asking for the forgiveness Namjoo would never give her.

Kwanhoon loudly cleared his throat for her attention, “I asked for your name?”

Jolting back to the cruel reality of today; the earlier sweet and romantic date now gone from her heart she stared at the man. “Kim…Kim Namjoo.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-three,” the tone in her voice dropped. Her mother had given birth to her on a sunny Wednesday – the first of March. Mother had told her she knew she would live a good and beautiful life the moment she was held in her arms.

A good life? What a dumb joke. Nothing had been beautiful. She had spent the past horrid years suffering day and night.

Bitterness warped her concentration.

“What do you do?” the interview was still on no matter where her mind was.   

“I work at Mr. Pizza.”

“You’re a regular wage earner? Then you don’t even make the average income,” the man scoffed disapprovingly. “What about your parents?”

Namjoo was ready for this one. “I don’t have parents. I grew up an orphan.” With hard, angry eyes she glanced at the mother in front of her to see her eyes dashing away.

Jongin’s father huffed. “Then there isn’t much to say. If you two are seeing each other without the intention of settling down, I would like you to stop seeing my son from now on. Jongin has an important path before him and I would like him to marry a woman who will stand strongly by his side, and be capable of supporting him.”

“Dad!” Jongin called out at the unforeseen negation.

“Marriage isn’t a plaything, Jongin,” the elder lectured. “When you look at a woman, you have to inspect her background in order to truly find out who she is and not make a fool of yourself. Unless you are ready to get married, stop fooling around.”

“You can’t just say this!” Jongin argued. “How can you bring up marriage all of a sudden without talking to me?”

The heat in Namjoo’s throat climbed up to . The determination she had come with was nowhere in her grasp. Suddenly she was starting to lean toward the prospect that Jongin wasn’t her suitor. This was a big mistake.

Jongin hurriedly looked at her worried and concerned, but Namjoo was feeling none of it. Right now she was nothing but numb.

His father eyed her before reversing his wheelchair, “Lets leave.”

Right after they disappeared out the door Namjoo left for the bathroom to immediately scrub her hands for no particular reason. She scrubbed so hard until her hands became physically numb under the cold water then slapped the faucet off, breathing angrily. Her eyes darted up to the mirror when one of the bathroom stalls unlocked and her mother – Jongin’s mother stepped out. Speedily shifting to walk toward the towel dispenser Namjoo pulled a dozen out and hurriedly dried her hands.

Her insides were shaking, trembling. Her mind haywiring and screaming furiously all the cuss words she’d ever learned, all the evil words sworn at her as she begged for money and food on the streets.

“Namjoo,” the woman called out and Namjoo’s heart lurched up to so painfully she wanted to slam a fist into the wall to release the emotion. “Do you really like Jongin?”

Glaring hard Namjoo turned to stare the woman down. “Don’t ever talk to me.” Biting her lower lip with immense strength she turned to walk out, picking up pace before flying out the front doors. Once fresh air loomed over her she exhaled loudly and leaned against the side of the building as pain wrenched her heart open so viciously she felt it was better to be torn apart by the teeth of a tiger.

She barely let out a shout of pent up frustration when a hand landed on her shoulder and she turned to see Jongin. “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine,” she brushed him off and walking out of his hold and started toward the car.

~~~~~

The drive was silent. Namjoo couldn’t even pay attention to how comfortable she was in the passenger seat. She yearned for her bed, to coil up, curl up and hug herself into a long, long sleep. All throughout the drive she could only focus on emptying out the thoughts threatening to loom inside her head tauntingly before she felt Jongin lean over to unbuckle her seatbelt. The car had come to a stop and the passenger door was open.

“Come out,” he gently instructed before pulling her by the hand.

They were at the park. In the distance the cries of children happily playing on the playground noisily echoed into the air, their happiness carried over by the wind. Namjoo wanted to hug herself, for she had stopped being one of them when she was ten. When her mother left she turned twenty in the body of a child.

“I’m sorry,” Jongin apologized when they sat down on a bench together. “My father seemed pretty moody today, huh? He’s been like that ever since his illness.” Lowering his gaze he pressed his lips together. “I turned down his friend’s daughter and the idea of marriage with her, so they’re all pretty upset with me. That’s why I don’t want to go home sometimes. All I go back to is their nagging.

“I remember telling you about my sister. Shinae. Her name’s Shinae. Dad’s always been really strict with us, rejecting the idea of us playing with any kid whose parent didn’t own a company. There’s always been a social divide in my life. The ones less fortunate, he says, are belligerents with no manners. I barely had friends, the kids in the school stayed far from me but Shinae…she let me out of the house to play, to experience a childhood she never had. When I see how much you care for your brother, it makes me really envious and I miss her more. Maybe that’s why I’m drawn to you.”

Namjoo’s eyes glued themselves to the skyline, Jongin’s voice was distant even though he was right next to her. His voice only drifted in and out of her ear. She wasn’t really listening to him, but she could feel the desolation in his voice. It was exactly the feeling stepping all over her heart.

“After my sister passed away, all responsibilities were passed down to me. My father’s never been proud of me. I want to carry out his wishes but I don’t think I can meet the expectations he wants me to. The things he wants of me are the things that can’t make me happy, they are things I just can’t bring myself to do. I know I’m a bad son. For as long as I remember, we’ve always had a rift between us, but now that his days are becoming shorter. I feel like mine is too.

“I want to live simply by my own will, by doing what I want. That’s why I admire those who aren’t born like me. When everything has been pre-determined for me, they can make their own choices to decide which fork in the road is best to take, but even if there is a better route, I have no choice. I sound stupid, don’t I?”

On impulse, for her own comfort, she turned to grasp his hand and hugged him, the back of his head as she let him lean into her shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Jongin,” she said. “It’ll be ok. Everything…will be ok.”

She was more trying to convince herself than him. But she knew it was a lie.

~~~~~

Jongin dropped her back at the hostel once the sun began setting. After riding the elevator back up Namjoo paused in front of her door, hesitating whether to go in or not. She was starting to realize that ever since Joohwan got married she had become really lonely living by herself, always being used to taking care of him. Now she had no one to look after and it left an empty aroma hanging in the air.

Quickly turning she rushed out of the building. Moments later Joohwan opened the door of his small home for her, smiling at the surprise of her visit.

“Namjoo!” he exclaimed inviting her in.

Namjoo glanced around as she took her shoes off. “Where’s Inha?”

“Oh, she’s asleep. She has a busy day tomorrow at the center,” he explained to her. “Come in. Are you hungry?”

She shook her head, observing his clean place. “If the wife is sleeping, shouldn’t the husband be, too?”

He grinned at her and moved to sit down at the kitchen table in front of his laptop. Right out of college he’d become a consultant for technology at some engineering company. Their modern home was sophisticated in all measures with a neat wooden décor and perfectly bright lights with not enough blares to blind anyone. The furniture was handpicked by Inha at IKEA, all fresh and new.

They lived good and that relieved Namjoo.

She sat down with him and watched him busy his eyes on the screen. “What are you looking at?”

“Some documents,” he replied then pushed the laptop aside to pay attention to her. “Sorry, I haven’t had time to come see you.”

Her heart melted at the only person she considered family and thought about the mother she’d seen today. If Joohwan saw her he’d break down from sadness that she had abandoned them for a better life of her own, to leave them in rags while she turned rich. The thought broke her heart.

“Don’t pay attention to me,” she urged. “I just wanted to drop by and see you.”

He smiled, “What’s wrong?”

She had missed him but she couldn’t say it. “It’s nothing,” she shook her head. “I was a little bored after coming back from a date, so I decided to come. Now that I’ve seen you, I should go.”

“Wait a sec,” he called and hurried toward the fridge. “Inha made some really good side dishes earlier. Bring some back to eat.”

She watched him dig into the fridge. The only person who had sincerely stood behind her, who loved her to bits even if her motives weren’t always righteous would only be her family – Joohwan alone, the brother she’d raised so well. When he hurried back to her to hand her the tiny containers he’d quickly packed, she smiled up at him.

From young till now he’d always been a little smaller than her. Now he was a little more than a head taller, big and broad. She was…so proud.

Reaching up to touch his face she told, “It was good to see you, Hwan. Don’t stay up to late. I’ll eat these well.”

She walked out suddenly feeling so lonely and sad that when she rode the bus back to the hostel she quietly cried to herself.

~~~~~

Jongin slowly cruised the roads for half an hour before returning home at midnight. His mother was anxiously waiting for him by the door.

“Your father is waiting for you,” she told – it was exactly what he’d been expecting.

“I know,” he mumbled shuffling his heavy feet down the hall. In front of the door he stopped when she grasped his arm.

“I want to talk to you after you talk to your father, so don’t go to sleep yet,” she quietly whispered and he almost wondered why she was speaking below hearing level. Nodding a promise he pushed the door open, closing it after him. Like usual, the old man was propped up in his bed leaning against his usual fat pillow. And as always, his face was dark and grim.

Pulling the seat up by the bed Jongin sat down. “I’m home.”

The old man scoffed at his arrival. “Have you decided?”

Jongin blankly looked at him.

“What are you going to do? Are you going to get married to her? Or are you going to meet Chairman Goo’s daughter again? I’ve heard she said good things about you and would like to see you again. A woman like her doesn’t come by easily, Jongin. She has a lot more to give you than that normal nonsense girl you’re simply having a fling with.”

His brows tightened. Grounding his voice with depth he said agitated, “Dad.”

The old man half-rolled his eyes. “Then get married to her once you graduate.”

“What?” he gasped in disbelief. “How can you say this?”

“Jongin,” the man’s tone became a tad softer as if tired, “do you know what I regret most when Shinae died?”

At the mention of his sister Jongin grew despondent.

“That I didn’t let her live properly,” he confessed. “I raised her with my belief that if you can’t become successful, you’re nothing better than a worthless penny that is no longer of any worth in our day. So I toughened her, restricted her from being with anyone outside our class. My daughter got married without a smile. These days I’ve been wondering if I go meet her, will I see her smiling?”

Kwanhoon stared up into the blank space as if building up an imagery in front of him before turning to look at him.

“I only want you to marry Chairman Goo’s daughter because she can help you in the many areas you lack, but if you don’t want to I still want you to get married before I die. I want to see my son settle down.” Jongin could feel the honesty flowing through his voice. “But if you marry that girl, both of you will be hurt. She has no education, no parents, no background. People will talk about her in front of you, behind your backs. Are you sure you can protect her?”

The sudden reality of the abrupt mention filled Jongin with trepidation. He was scared too, because he was nowhere as powerful as the man who currently guarded this home. He was still incapable in so many ways.

“I’m not ready to get married,” Jongin confessed.

His father shook his head, “No one’s ever ready, Jongin. We all have to start from somewhere and learn as we walk along the way. We all are assigned lessons to learn as we grow and I’m still learning mine as you will yours. Think about it, son.”

When he walked out it felt like he was stepping on clouds. After all, Namjoo was an approved potential for marriage but was he courageous enough to walk the road with her? Would Namjoo walk with him despite knowing the hardships ahead?

Jongin barely started toward his bedroom to rest before recalling his mother wanted to see him. Finding her in her room he knocked on the door before opening it. Ever since she moved here to take care of him and Shinae she’d always slept separately from his father. It had just been that way.

The woman anxiously stood up from her vanity, grabbed his hands, and pulled him to sit down at the edge of her bed. “You’re done? How did it go?”

Softly smiling he said, “He didn’t yell at me.”

Smiling softly the woman reached forward to the side of his head affectionately. “Your father’s a good man even if he is a little mean, but he does care about his children.”

Jongin nodded. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

Slipping her hand onto her lap the woman looked down a little warily then back to him, “How did you meet her?”

“Who?” he asked then immediately understood. “Ah…Namjoo? There was just…an incident. Why? What did you think of her today? Isn’t she cute?”

The woman firmly smiled gladly, “She’s pretty. If you like her that’s all that matters.”

“That makes me happy.” He grinned.

“Jongin,” his mother called again, “does she really not have parents? What about her aunt and uncle?”

He shook his head, “She never mentioned anyone, only her brother. She said they grew up in an orphanage and she raised him by herself when they left it.”

~~~~~

After Jongin left for bed Hunmi paced her room wide awake. Her mind was a mess; she was extremely confused and lost. All these years all the money she’d sent back home to her dead husband’s sister…she’d assumed it had been used for Namjoo and Joohwan.

Where exactly did the money go?! Why had her children become orphans?! Why had Namjoo looked at her like she was the epitome of all disgrace and evil today?!

What kind of torturous things happened to her children after she left?