IV  WHY AM I LIKE THIS

I can’t believe it, what’s wrong with my heart?
Why does my heart flutter when I see you?
Am I the only one who doesn’t know?
 

“Care to tell me now, hyung?”

With lips pursed at a smiling male in the living room, Mingyu simultaneously passed over a small emergency box which he fortunately found abandoned under one of the tables he once served for. Why it was there in the first place remained a mystery. Though not that Mingyu cared anyway.

Jihoon, on the other hand could only lament as he received the other end of the item. Just as he was about to pop the latch open, a wave of headache started to kick in and with each tick of the clock, the thump around his temples kept building up in intensity. He wanted nothing but to crawl back home and sleep the rest of the night away. However, guilt was heavy on him.

It was almost to the point of gobbling him up, like a sick, hungry monster. And to be honest, Jihoon was scared. From the time when the dreaded incident befell, he was never good at handling guilt. Not even after all these years. Still, Jihoon managed to bottle all those anxieties in his tiny self, away from the knowledge his friends -- including Seokmin. The cap was sealed too tight so it was understandable that no one would know. It was unnecessary and Jihoon believed he should never come off as a burden to others. Above all, his precious younger brother.

Jihoon finally forced the box open, not wanting to further feed the pain, neither to entertain it. Both physically and emotionally. He might have exerted too much force because he saw Mingyu quirking his right eyebrow at him, to which he replied with a murmured sorry. Giving his head a last mental shake, he proceeded to take out an iodine along with several gauzes and bandages while taking all his time to do so. For there was no way he would be going back to the living room anytime soon.

Even though he knew he had to.

The pink haired Indigent merely let out another gust of air as he yet again felt the same pair of curious eyes on him, almost boring a hole through his skull. Knowing how annoying Mingyu could get if Jihoon were to drag this on, he decided to crank his heavy mouth open, giving as much as information he could. His own delineation of ‘as much’ of course.

“That pain in the got in between 3 Bourgeoisies and I, and long story short: he hurt his hand,” closing the box shut, Jihoon balanced the chosen items in his two tiny hands, at once trying to beat a hasty retreat from an overly curious Mingyu. With how he brought Seungcheol to the boy’s house unannounced, Jihoon was not that ignorant to know that Mingyu deserved at least an explanation of some sort. Yet the strained boy did not think he had the fortitude to prolong the talk. At least, not at the moment.

Maybe later, maybe tomorrow. But definitely not now.

Instead, Jihoon fled to the living room, calling for Seungcheol along the way as he jutted out his chin in the direction of the backdoor. Rather obedient, Seungcheol excused himself from the group, hurriedly trailed along. Yet as he passed through the timeworn door frame, Jihoon heard a sharp moan from behind. The taller bumped his already injured knuckles against the knob of the door by accident and Jihoon found such sight to be ludicrous.

“Are you kidding me?” Jihoon rolled his eyes at the now wincing Seungcheol, wondering how the same man whose words were literally dripping with venom half an hour ago could be such a klutz. Taking a spot under one of the trees in the large backyard, Jihoon set down all the things he had been holding. One by one, he let them fell to the damp grass.

It was a cold night and it was not helping that Jihoon had such thin clothing on him. Not that he ever owned a thick sweater. He could never afford one for Seokmin, let alone himself. Either way, he was still unable run away from the chill which was already biting onto his pale skin. Noting the still empty spot beside him, Jihoon raised his eyebrows at Seungcheol, hovering a little too tall to his liking.

By mistake, Jihoon let his distaste shown which did not go unnoticed by an observant Seungcheol.

“What?”

“You think I could attend to your wound when you’re awkwardly standing like that?”

Finally registered with how stupid he may appear, Seungcheol let out a nervous chuckle, the kind that squeaked with each intake of breath he made. His uninjured hand went to the nape of his nape, a nervous habit of his as Seungcheol lowered himself to the ground. Just inches away from Jihoon. If Jihoon was uncomfortable with him being so close, then the boy must have been a pretty great actor because Seungcheol did not notice a frown, neither a crease on his forehead. Then again, Jihoon was never an easy subject to be read anyway. Jihoon was like a book filled with secret codes and loopholes and to Seungcheol who had a knack in figuring out others, he could never be too sure with the boy. It was like stumbling upon few missing puzzle pieces that he had to combine and solve.

And that was interesting to Seungcheol.

And he could not stop looking at Jihoon.

That was why after he had punched two guys in a row, Seungcheol did not notice the graze scarring his hand. He was too busy scanning for any form of injuries on Jihoon that the pain radiated from his hand was tuned out of his mind. Until Seokmin pointed it out himself. The boy was surprisingly alarmed, even forcing his older brother to tend to his hurt because well – “Hyung, he’s hurt because of you!”

Though Jihoon did not exactly ask himself to be rescued. He did not wish for a ‘knight in shining armor’ to slice his way true. Jihoon was never the one to believe in such ty fairytale anyway. He could manage himself pretty well, possibly with few cuts here and there, but still, he knew how to deal with it on his own. Without anyone’s help. Especially from the damn Opulent.

Nevertheless, Jihoon was not that heartless to leave the said guy alone. With only few metres away from Mingyu’s house, Jihoon decided to bring Seungcheol along and in the split second, he swore he saw a smile on the other’s face. Seokmin? Well, that boy happily chatted away with Seungcheol, asking him questions that Jihoon never wanted to know. Yet he could not help but to eavesdrop, because well, curiosity got the best of him.

From there it came to Jihoon’s knowledge that Seungcheol was in point of fact older than him. By a year.

Thanks to that meddlesome brother of his, there they were, in Mingyu’s rather small backyard. Alone. With Seungcheol. For the awfully made reason in which Seokmin had to be by Soonyoung’s side: “to make sure that he won’t over booze himself and hug another lamp-post again”.

Traitor.

It was nerve wrecking. It was making Jihoon’s stomach queasy as . He did not know why, but despite the beautiful stars dispersed above them, Jihoon was not able to appreciate the rare beauty. Heck, he could not even move a muscle with how close they were to one another. Jihoon could feel the warmth radiated from Seungcheol, which was rather tempting with how Jihoon shivering to his bones.

As much as inviting it may sound to Jihoon’s shivering limbs, he pushed the thoughts away. Like far in the back of his mind. In the darkest hollow he could possibly shove into.

Then again, the moment his fingers came in contact with Seungcheol’s hand, a stinging sensation began to flood his entire self, predominantly in the pit of his chest. Or was it his heart? Jihoon could not pinpoint exactly where. He was just too uncomfortable. Uncomfortable was an understatement. Really, Jihoon felt like throwing up. He had never felt such emotion that it frightened him. A whole ing lot. Even more than the anxiety of both his guilt and trust issues combined. That, to Jihoon, was enough warning.

Jihoon tried to pay no attention to all the buzzes and flutters. But once he got closer to the dip of the other's knuckles, his heart just could not take it anymore.

In shock, Jihoon withdrew his hands, hastily placing the gauzes as best as his trembling self could. He sealed everything with a long bandage, altogether trying to avoid any further contact. Seungcheol, who was watching Jihoon the entire time noticed the boy’s urgency.

“It’s okay. I can wrap it up myself, Jihoon-sshi,” Seungcheol fastened the rest of the cloth with a small clip, its end secured into one of the folds.

“I don’t even want to ask how you found out my name,” Jihoon muttered, his voice almost drowned by the chirping of crickets in the bushes, whereas Seungcheol raised his shoulders to a subtle shrug, eyes stagnant on Jihoon. For his lungs were suffocated by the still atmosphere between them along with the crisp air, Jihoon decided to stand up and leave. Until he felt a strong grip on his wrist, bringing him back down to the grass. “What the ?”

Before Jihoon could even escape the second time around, Seungcheol begged him to stay; at least for a minute or so. As his eyes flickered down to the bandaged hand holding onto his own, he decided to comply. Seconds merely passed, but to Jihoon, it felt like hours. Silence began to drape them like a heavy cloth, stifling almost and Jihoon was all but composed.

“Why do you hate Opulents so much?” Seungcheol forced his words out, his adam apple bobbed as he swallowed his thick saliva. “Sorry, if it’s too much for a first encounter—”

There was a long pause until Jihoon stood up, his hands flew to his knees, smoothing his wrinkled jeans. He settled for a short reply, which to him was more than enough of an explanation particularly for an outsider like Seungcheol.

“It sure is.”

Jihoon went back inside, not sparing a single glance at Seungcheol, who already had his face buried in his sweaty and now bandaged palm.

Both Minghao and Junhui were conversing in Mandarin, and in some way it was making Jihoon even more irritated than he already was. It was early in the morning and it was not an ideal setting for a late, 12pm riser like him. He thought he could have some rest after a long week, but of course Mingyu and Seungkwan decided to barge into his room, telling him – more like yelling into his ing eardrums – to wake up.

The two should be grateful that Jihoon did not feel like killing anyone that morning.

So there they were, half an hour later at Seungkwan’s house, all gathered in his spacious living room. Jihoon could care less the main motive behind their assembly, but as he was apologetic towards the newcomers, the grouchy 19 year old decided to let it go and be cooperative for once. They did not deserve to go through such discomfort.

Yet.

“Why are we here, again? Or should I ask – why did you ruin my morning and drag me here?”

“Oh it up, Jihoon,” Soonyoung emerged from the kitchen with Seokmin trailing closely behind, a tray of drinks in both hands. “Your bed is not the only place in this world. Explore more, you lazy .”

Seungkwan then appeared seconds later with several kind of pastries, infamous smile stretched to his ears as he thanked his mother who was smiling and telling the boys to make themselves at home. The rest only bowed in their respective spots, expressing their gratitude to Mrs. Boo in chorus, in complete awe at the treats gleaming in front of their eyes. Seokmin took an empty spot between Jihoon and Soonyoung which caused Jihoon to raise an eyebrow in knowing. Further confirming his brother’s crush towards his best friend.

It was a known fact to Jihoon that Seokmin had been harboring positive feelings for Soonyoung. As well as Soonyoung’s not-so-subtle crush towards Seokmin. Even so, the two were so oblivious of each other’s emotional state that they ended up going back and forth, doing unnecessary tango. They both drove Jihoon to the wall that at times he felt like shouting at their faces. But looking at the two, utterly contented and pleased with the stage they were in, Jihoon just thought that maybe for once, it was best for him to take a step back and let nature ran its course.

If it was meant to be, it would eventually happen anyway.

Then Jihoon was steered to a direction he least expected. His vision was suddenly blurred as he was brought to few nights back, a boy with black trench coat appearing before his very eyes. Jihoon remembered how Seungcheol stood up for him, effortlessly knocked down the two men of larger built than he was. The guy who was evidently stalking him could easily shift from a scary persona, shaking three hoodlums in terror to a total klutz. Jihoon was not that dense to notice Seungcheol’s presence. Especially when he was not that good in hiding anyway.

As a matter of fact, Jihoon kind of figured it out at the intersection, when he was saved by Seungcheol from this alleged speeding car. He was sure the driver did not intend to kill him and that the Opulent was being a paranoid brat. From then on, Jihoon managed to put the pieces together and it finally clicked to him that Seungcheol and the guy in black was the same person all along.

Curiosity began to nib at Jihoon yet again.

Sensing the warmth radiating in his chest, Jihoon chocked on his drink. Wheezed through short coughs, the boy on his right fumbled for a box of tissue, passing one to the now beet red elder brother.

“Hyung, you okay?”

“I’m fine, Seokmin-ah,”Jihoon waved him off, gladly accepting the tissue. “I’m fine.”

“I’d give a penny for your thoughts hyung,” Mingyu let out a chortle, amused by the sight before him.

“I won’t even accept a million for you, you bastard (AN: 새끼: pronounced as ‘saekki’).”

“Bastard? What is that?” Minghao popped into the conversation, genuinely confused by the word he just heard with his lack of Korean proficiency. Before anyone could say anything, Jun gave Minghao the answer he thought the boy needed, causing a frenzy among the rest.

“It’s ski (AN: 스키, pronounced as ‘sekii’), Minghao,” and both Jun and Minghao were confused as to why everyone was in a complete holler. Once realization hit him, Jun’s eyes grew twice its size, mortified that his ears registered a different sound. “I think I need to work on my Korean more.”

“It’s okay, hyung. You’re getting better at it by each day,” Seungkwan smiled, the tense in Jun’s shoulder gradually went away. “Besides, learning calls for mistakes. That’s how you learn,” Seungkwan gave a slight pat on the now relaxed shoulders as Jun nodded, smile fondly attached to his lips.

Surprisingly, Jihoon found such sight to be… heartwarming.

He knew how hard it was for the two Bourgeoisies to migrate from China to Korea, at once having to pick up the language and all. Hence, seeing how the two worked hard to just ‘fit in’ swarmed him in bounteous happiness. Up until Soonyoung decided to break the moment.

“So, how did you meet that Seungcheol guy? You never told us about him before.”

this.

“It was mere coincidence. I told you before. He jumped into the fight which—“

“Yeah, yeah I know. The one you could handle on your own. When deep down, in that puny heart of yours, you know you can’t.”

Nope. you, Soonyoung.

"You do know you just said it out loud right?"

"Well, you."

Soonyoung laughed, his eyes appeared more slanted than they already were.

“But seriously, hyung. Who is he? I’ve never seen him around,” Seungkwan talked with a mouthful as he took another bite into his now half-eaten cookie. Mingyu gave him an ‘eew’ look when Jihoon, even the rest were all aware that the hovering tower was not that sanitary himself. Seungkwan, who noticed the whole thing chucked his cookie at Mingyu, “Yah, don’t give me that look when you yourself touch others right after you sneeze.”

In response, Jun, being the closest to Mingyu thought it was best to scooch away, all pressed to Minghao who was as horrified by the new discovery. Mingyu repeatedly said no, his hands stretched outward ashe waved frantically. The action itself invited opposite reaction, different from what Mingyu expected. Both Chinese teens instead shrank further back, eyes settled on Mingyu’s hands, trying to dodge them with every wave.

“Idiots.”

It was Friday and Jihoon could not wait to go home and hibernate til next Monday. He had been working twice the shifts that week and the part-times were taking a toll on his body. Moreover, his mind had been rather chaotic with unnecessary concerns that they were beginning to bind him. Further enclose him. As if he were a prisoner stuck in an air-tight room.

Driven to constant worry, Jihoon decided to rack up his savings just to have a change of style. His previous pink hair now dyed with pumpkin-like orange hue that Seokmin even fell from his chair when he first saw his hyung after such drastic transformation. But after the shock had die down, the boy would not stop calling him “pumpkin hyung” because well, he resembled a ing pumpkin. And it was not helping as Halloween was around the corner.

Despite so, there was one thing Jihoon had greatly noticed. As he was walking down an eerily dark road, he noted he was all alone and Seungcheol was nowhere in sight. For the past few years, Jihoon never really cared anyway. As he was used to be by himself. Silence had been his number one company. When Seungcheol randomly popped out like a freaking whack-a-mole he used to play when he was little, Jihoon found the boy such a nuisance. A big of a nuisance that he could not even run away from that crazy stalker.

Seungcheol was always up his nerve, even though the raven may not realize that. He would have thought that his disguise was a great success when in actuality, it was a downright fail. Jihoon found himself laughing at the image, absurdity at its best. However, with how the night fell back into a routine of so-called comforting silence he used to love, Jihoon instead felt uneasy as he threaded further.

There were no longer unsteady, yet assuring steps behind him. There were no longer short, tiring pants consuming his ears. There were no longer soundof collisions, accompanied by occasional grunts. His way back home was a dead silence and Jihoon did not like it one bit. Seungcheol was a nuisance when he first came into his life, but now, Jihoon found himself feeling vexed when realizing that Seungcheol had left.

Though it did not essentially mean that Jihoon grew fond of him. Of course not. It was just, Seungcheol could not come into his life, ruining his entire routine and ing leave after all this mess. Jihoon was mad at him for simply come and go, as he ing wished. He was annoyed. He was infuriated. That had to be the reason why he was furious in the first place.

Maybe?

Jihoon heaved out a long sigh, his upper teeth rested on his lower lips, gradually gnawing onto few forming dead skin. Not noticing a small crack in the pavement, the toe of his right shoe got caught as it went right into the slit, pulling Jihoon down to the floor of the earth. Seconds before he hit the ragged groud, the curve of his elbow was caught by familiar hand, steadying him into an upright position.

He could recognize that hand anywhere. That slender but strong hand. The knuckles, the veins – Jihoon knew it was the very same hand he had treated, despite it being nights ago. So, Jihoon turned around and as expected, he was met with the same annoying face. Though this time his forehead was overly contorted.

“Seungcheol!”

“I swear Jihoon. Can you be more careful?” Seungcheol let go of the other’s elbow, his face now free from wrinkles, replaced by a smile. "Anyway, that’s a first.”

“What?”

“Calling me by my name. You’d either call me ‘beast’ or a ‘dickhead’.”

And Jihoon felt the same uncomfortable thump. The one he had experienced as he held onto Seungcheol's previously injured hand. It was all too similar. Down to every beat, down to the pit of his chest. Yet now it had spread to his stomach and Jihoon almost panicked, thinking he might have swallowed something that was pretty much alive. It was driving him insane, though he had to admit: he was not as bothered as he was before.  Besides, it was managable now.

“Oh god, that was one time!” Jihoon swore he could feel the blood rushed to both his cheeks and ears. Swarmed with embarrassment, he continued walking forward, but Seungcheol fell into the same steps with ease, following closely by his side.

“You know, Halloween is in 2 days,” Seungcheol piped up, his hands deep in the pockets of his leather jacket. Jihoon noticed a name of a famous brand imprinted along a band peeking out of the hem, but he was not the least surprised. With Seungcheol being an Opulent and all, this much was normal to them. Though what came next without a doubt knocked the breath out of Jihoon. “Would you like to come to my Halloween Party this Sunday? You can bring Seokmin along.”

 “And meet up more Opulents? No, thank you. Your presence alone is more than enough.”

“More than enough, you say? I’ll take it as a compliment then?” a playful, throaty chuckle escaped Seungcheol’s lips, further embarrassing Jihoon.

“You wish,” Jihoon managed a short and curt answer, his face already burning with mortification and somehow, Jihoon had a feeling that he resembled a lobster. With a pumpkin hair. Great. “Wait, did you just drop the honorifics? Are you talking down on me?”

“Well, should a hyung converse formally to a younger pumpkin like you?”Seungcheol deadpanned, a glint of delight was seen in his dark brown eyes.  

“Shut up.”

And Seungcheol chuckled at the shorter male, while trying to match his steps with Jihoon, accompanying him all the way home.