Finding Myself
Code of Love
VIII FINDING MYSELF
Now I don’t know from when or from where
Maybe all of this is what I wanted
At some point, without knowing, I’m getting used to everything
I am wandering inside my mixed up thoughts
Year 2007
Scanning the music sheet for the umpteenth time, Jihoon let his fingers dance across the piano as Girouard’s ‘Sanctuary’ came to life; its smooth melody filling the room [A/N: you can listen to the piece here]. A few keys not being able to hit certain notes he had wished for, with one of them being ‘A sharp’ - he was fairly satisfied. Given that it’s a hand-me-down Baldwin Hamilton, the one his grandfather used to play when he was a teenager himself, Jihoon had to admit that it was a miracle for the antique to even produce a sound. Even after all these years.
Its dark wood, covered with faint natural tree rings, was losing a little of its sheen, the varnish unmistakably wearing off. Despite its simplistic design and the cover slightly creaking each time he flipped the lid, the corner of his lips still tugged upwards whenever a tune was played.
It looked stunning.
It sounded magical.
It was perfect.
Jihoon wouldn’t ask for more. Contented, he gave it another round, replaying the same piece, simultaneously filling the house with a sense of warmth and tranquility. His fingers came to a halt when he heard the front door open, a 10-year-old Seokmin already running full speed towards the new presence in the room, straight into the arms of another being. A woman too beautiful for her age.
Their mother.
“Mom! Did you get it? Did you get it??” Seokmin said as he hung onto one of her legs, his missing front teeth evident as Jihoon shook his head, advising his brother to calm down. She laughed instead, crouching down to Seokmin, only to take out a marmalade coloured packet of Reese’s from the grocery bag, which invited an overjoyed scream from the child.
Then followed suit by Jihoon’s low chuckle.
He had to admit, his family was not essentially well-off; His father working as an average salary man while his mother chose to stay home, taking care of them. Even so, they lived in utmost modesty, satisfied with a small two-story house and a working black sedan bought back in ‘02. Though it was rare of them to go out and enjoy a luxurious meal, even small confectionaries - when they did, he cherished them wholly. He grew to enjoy such little moments, stripped from the idea of covetousness.
Needless to say, Jihoon was proud of his family.
Feeling the weight of his mother’s gaze on him, Jihoon spun back to his piano, fingers reoccupying their initial place. He’d never been blatant with his emotions, so it felt rather awkward whenever his mother tried to read him like an open book.
“How did you meet dad?” Seokmin suddenly asked, head slightly tilted and lips mostly covered with the chocolate he was eating. The plain innocent question threw Jihoon off as he peeked at his mother, who was calmly tucking her long hair behind her ears. Jihoon was curious so to say, but too embarrassed to peel back the surface and dive beyond what he saw.
Instead, he distracted himself with the sheet in hand, trying to camouflage his subconscious act of eavesdropping.
“Well, sunshine,” Mrs. Lee started off slowly, in midst of organizing her thoughts. “It wasn’t anything like a fairytale, that I must say.”
“Nothing like those bedtime stories you told us years ago?”
She giggled as she shook her head. “It was mmm... you could say... normal?” Her continuing laughter sent a warm shiver down his slender fingers as Jihoon began to play a melody. It danced with her laughter as if it was meant to be a tune of its own; the two different sounds unifying and complimenting each other. His mother, being a piano teacher, discerned the quick change from major to minor; her lips curved upwards at the beautiful rendition Jihoon had created. She beamed proudly, as her laughter slowly came to a stop.
Jihoon, who had picked up the absence of laughter, halted to a stop as she, noting the now seeping embarrassment embezzled on his cheeks, continued on with the story.
“We went to the same college together and it just happened. Few years later, a couple months after graduation, we decided to tie the knot.”
Judging from the creases on Seokmin’s head and the forming pout, the boy was clearly not satisfied. “That’s it? Then how did you know that dad was ‘The One’?”
“It just felt right.”
Her smile widened, traces of her age peeking out from the corner of her eyes. Her curious son, on the other hand, had gotten more and more confused as the pout elongated. Thinking it was cute, she ruffled his hair, causing Seokmin to grumble in disapproval. “You’ll know once you get older.”
Jihoon smiled with his back to his mother as his fingers proceeded to tease the melodious keys once more.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Never in his life would Jihoon predict that he would wed a person with a reason different to his parents. Heck, marriage itself had been out of the question. Yet, there he was, rigidly standing outside of his small home just a few hours after giving a ‘yes’ to Seungcheol. Although Jihoon was very much idealistic and had never believed in this magical thing called love, marriage, even in his mind, was supposed to be special. At least to the two individuals involved. That’s what Seokmin had been telling him (or should he say drilling into his brain).
Yet agreeing to Seungcheol’s proposal made Jihoon realize that it was rather... monotonous.
To put it plainly, it was ordinary.
There wasn’t anything particularly special about it and it wasn’t nearly as extraordinarily pure-hearted as his parents made it to be. Perchance, they may have been one of the lucky few, whereas that would be nowhere close to borderline helpful seeing as how lacking Jihoon was in that department – easily crowned the unluckiest person alive.
Sighing, he jabbed his key into the hole, turning the knob open once he heard a click.
It was precisely 6 in the afternoon and apparently, he came back to an empty house. In complete pitch black, he the wall on his right for the switches, stumbling upon a few cracks and bumps until he found the dial. He flipped it upwards and fortunately, the small space was instantly basked with dim light. The government, for once, had been generous enough to supply them with some electricity.
Stepping into the house, Jihoon let the silence anchor onto him like a ton of bricks, his heart only getting heavier. Seokmin could still be at Seungkwan’s house for all that he knew. Knowing how persistent Seungkwan could be, the others were probably being held as hostages, forced to eat glazed donuts or any desserts for that matter – staying long enough to quench his own sweet-tooth. Once when asked why, Seungkwan flashed his most offensive stare and gasped, “I can’t eat sweets without my cohorts around.”
And Jihoon didn’t dare delve further.
Even so, he did think of dropping by, but in the end concluded not to and instead, made his way home to sort out the mess in his head. He guessed it was nice to have such a quiet house to himself. He needed more time to think and with how disheveled he had been since the last conversation he had with Seungcheol, quietness would be the best company he could ask for. He didn’t need another voice around and he certainly didn’t need comfort. What Jihoon needed was time and space – preferably alone.
Toeing off his shoes, he dragged himself to their shared bed on the other side of the room; its sheet newly replaced. Aiming for Seokmin’s pillow, he dove for the center, landing face first. He hummed into the pillow, a deep rumble muffled and the vibration staying in his throat which was surprisingly relaxing to him. Eventually lacking air, Jihoon rolled over, arms spread in the form of a wings which reminded him of the days spent making snow angels with his father when he was too young and innocent to know the unforgiving world.
Not wanting to further entertain the solemnity harboring his heart, Jihoon stretched out his numbed limbs as lethargy crept up his body like a parasite, eating away at his remaining vigor. He didn’t know what to think, neither what to expect, but he did know of this:
He’s getting married to Seungcheol.
.
Of course, a marriage between Opulents and Indigents were not that uncommon. There had been instances in which Indigents settled for marriage in exchange for comfort and surprisingly, not many were against that. Seeing as how same-gender marriage was legalized two years back, the statistics of cross marriage did steadily increase. He wouldn’t dare to say the same for Opulents though, as their parents in general wanted the best for their children. Thus, it was expected for an Opulent-born to be married off with those of the same status.
Jihoon had no parents to forbid it. Unlike Seungcheol.
He did express his uneasiness on the matter, yet Seungcheol would shoot down his worry with a classic “don’t worry” each time, which annoyed Jihoon to a certain extent. The Opulent defended further, copiously determined that both his mother and father were the most understanding parents. He did mention how the two were fairly supportive of everything Seungcheol wanted to do – down to bailing his medical studies for music.
That alone caused Jihoon’s ears to perk. Knowing how Seungcheol had the liberty to take music as a major, he couldn’t help but to attend to the green monster latching onto him. Simply because he too wanted to do music and of course, he couldn’t afford to do so. His priority had been Seokmin, and Jihoon would do anything, even sell out for some fund just to get his brother into college next year. More so than himself. College didn’t mean that much to Jihoon.
At least that’s what he had been telling himself anyway.
A loud grumble broke his rendering thoughts, causing Jihoon to tut at his ravening stomach. Realizing that he hadn’t eaten the entire day, he crossed to the kitchen to find edible food when he heard the front door click open, a few shuffles and familiar voices now drenching the room. A delayed screechy voice came next, belting to a song that he had identified to be from Ariana Grande, a famous Opulent singer – knowing all too well that had to be playing upon Seungkwan’s request.
When it dawned on him that the silence was now out of his hold , Jihoon groaned.
“Jihoonie-hyung!” Seungkwan hollered, straining Jihoon’s poor eardrums. He pushed both Soonyoung and Mingyu aside and before Jihoon could make a run for it, Jihoon found himself being encased by Seungkwan’s strong hold, smothering him more each second. “I missed you!”
“I for sure didn’t!”
Seungkwan laughed, both his face and embrace undeterred. Soonyoung and Mingyu had already gotten themselves in a comfortable spot on the floor whereas the other two Chinese Bourgeoisies looked around, being their first time over. Scanning the room for Seokmin finally finding him past Seungkwan’s shoulder, who had already mustered up the sweetest smile he could manage, Jihoon proceeded to glare at the boy, still sending him into the depths of hell.
“I am not the one to be blamed for this,” mouthed Seokmin.
Yeah right.
“Yah!” It came out a little subdued, though the sweater of Seungkwan didn’t drown the brusque tone in Jihoon’s voice. “Get out!”
“But we brought the party to you!” Mingyu whined, Seokmin’s beloved pillow now in his lap.
“I don’t need –” Jihoon wriggled about, “ – a stupid party, Mingyu.” Finally free from clingy Seungkwan, Jihoon stomped his way to the small circle, Mingyu being the sole target. “I need peace and quiet for s sake!”
That made the freakishly tall boy shrink a few inches smaller.
“Stop being such a sourpuss, Mr. McGrumpy,” Soonyoung eventually spoke, unfazed even when Jihoon mouthed the words ‘ you’. It certainly didn’t go unnoticed by Seokmin , who could only shake his head at the two contemplating whether they were really older than him as what their identity card claimed them to be.
“Yeah, hyung. Just let loose for tonight,” Seokmin said, still scared but now reaching for Jihoon’s wrist nonetheless, pulling the elder down to sit next to him with Seungkwan in tow, occupying the other spot. Jihoon gave into his brother and mumbled a short fine, a perfect cue for Mingyu as he dove into the bag they’d packed together, a few containers stacked perpendicularly. It appeared that Seungkwan’s mother did pack a few side dishes and with the newfound information, Jihoon flashed a grateful smile at Seungkwan, who in return winked knowingly.
Though not long before Mingyu could reach into the first stack that was filled with fried chicken wings, Junhui almost instinctively swatted his hand away, eyes blatantly terrified.
“Wash your hands first!”
All of them except for a hurtful Mingyu ended up wheezing with building laughter and looking at his so-called ‘friends’, a bolstering sensation invaded Jihoon’s whole system. For once, Jihoon was glad.
Guess laughter is better than silence after all.
- - - - - - - - - -
“I think it can be done.”
Seungcheol nodded, his right ear attached to his mobile as Jeonghan went through the procedure with him, voice at times stifling and randomly yelling at Jisoo. Seungcheol could only guess that Jisoo was doing god-knows-what in the background, probably irking Jeonghan on purpose. There was something dubious about the two lately, but he decided to overlook it just this once and let the whatever squawk he heard in the background off the hook.
“So, I’ll come by your house tomorrow then?” Jeonghan finally talked into the receiver after calming down, to which Seungcheol hummed in response, ending the call after bidding a brief goodbye. He tossed his phone to the side, landing slightly near the brink of his bed but Seungcheol could care less if it fell, or broke for the matter, for he was still feeling light-headed from the crumpled paper on his bedside table – Jihoon’s handwriting almost speaking to him in full volume.
Exhaling, he grabbed for the yellow post-it, giving the list another read through. He scanned the ‘conditions’ laid by Jihoon, taking them in one by one.
1. No matter what the future holds, Seokmin will forever be my utmost priority. He should be allowed to stay over whenever he wants.
2. Both Seokmin and I are free to meet each other with or without your permission. Even if it is 1 in the morning.
3. If both Seokmin and I were to be in danger, please make sure to save Seokmin first. I can protect myself just fine.
4. Any & All details of the culprit should be shared no matter what. I don’t tolerate lies, even though you did so to protect me.
And truthfully, the first four conditions were plausible. Though coming to the end of the fourth sentence, Seungcheol didn’t think he had the strength to read further. Eyes hovering a few inches above a crooked integer 5, he instantly folded the paper, his head hung as he sat on the edge of the bed.
5. The minute the culprit him/herself is found and danger is no longer detected, the marriage itself would be nullified.
You can do this, Seungcheol. You can.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Jeonghan ran his fingers through his now red hair, pocketing the phone he had been holding. Seungcheol seemed depleted throughout the entire call and to be honest, Jeonghan was getting all vexed by it. He had never seen – or in this case, heard – Seungcheol so spent. So drained. So not Choi Seungcheol.
On the other hand, Jisoo, who noticed the slight pricking of the lips, tried to steer Jeonghan from that bad habit of his, tearing the latter’s hand away. He clicked his tongue when Jeonghan unconsciously brought up his hand again, to which a flushed Jeonghan blurted an embarrassed apology out of his untouched lips instead.
Satisfied, Jisoo cracked a smile. “Is he okay?”
“He said he is,” Jeonghan released a long hauled breath, words coming out rather airy than he intended. “But I doubt it.”
“At least Jihoon agreed to it,” Jeonghan nodded because Jisoo was right. Jihoon did agree to the marriage, although it wasn’t as simple as that. Jisoo knew, Jeonghan knew, but both of them were trying to be positive, though Jeonghan was badly failing.
“The thing is, there’s more to it. He did mention something about a contract – ” Jeonghan paused as one of Jisoo’s brows arched upwards, his stare coated with both confusion and urgency. The very same clear orbs that stared into Jeonghan’s weak soul, gradually stripping his emotions . Seconds before Jisoo could instigate further, Jeonghan beat him to it. “– and no, he didn’t explain further.”
Jisoo pondered for a good second until his infamous grin reappeared, his hand tucking a stray hair behind Jeonghan’s right ear. “He’ll manage.”
“I know. Just worried, that’s all.” And instead of drowning himself with needless trepidation, Jeonghan snuggled further into Jisoo on the couch, one arm over the the other’s midsection.
It was nice to have Jisoo by his side, especially after sharing the same apartment for two consecutive years. There were more pros as compared to cons and besides, them attending the same university made it a whole lot easier. Jisoo took up Business Administration, planning to continue the heirloom, being a dutiful child he was. Jeonghan however settled for Arts in Theatre, something he had learned to love when he was in high school.
The thing was, despite them being housemates for such long time, no one in the group, let it be a secretly attentive Wonwoo or Seungcheol were able to catch on to their relationship. Hansol was never expected to notice the little things, but then again both Jisoo and Jeonghan had been extra careful.
Next month would mark their sixth months together but with each passing day, it was getting harder for the two to keep their hands to themselves, given that they’re practically stuck together 24/7.
“Should we tell the guys?” Jisoo unexpectedly piped, fingers clasping into the gaps in between Jeonghan’s own hand, as his nose burrowed into the other’s long locks. The long and uniform breaths did tickle Jeonghan in the neck which caused him to chuckle as he lightly jabbed his boyfriend in the stomach.
“Later,” Jeonghan managed a short reply. And Jisoo did not press on the matter any further because Jeonghan was right. Seungcheol’s a mess and they could take it slow.
Nodding, Jisoo pulled Jeonghan closer, a soft yet content sigh was heard from Jeonghan’s end, his chin comfortably perched on top of the red head belonged to the wonderful Yoon Jeonghan.
Life’s a bliss.
- - - - - - - - - - -
For the first time in his life, Jihoon was going to be late for work, waking up 30 minutes past his supposed shift at the café. He was expected to clock in around 9 am, but sleep took over him and looking over at Seokmin, the boy was pretty much dead himself. Giving his head a furious shake, Jihoon could only groan as last night's events hit him back in full swing.
Soonyoung.
Kwon ing Soonyoung and his nonstop cajoling for a drink. Not alone, but together. Jihoon didn’t particularly remember how many bottles he managed to get down his system last night, but the massive pounding raiding his temples was an indication that he probably had way too many shots.
Getting drunk wasn’t exactly his cup of tea, though it all changed when the clock hit 11. Once the younger ones left, with Jun obviously trailing after Minghao, causing both Seungkwan and Mingyu to gag, Soonyoung just had to come up with his so-called brilliant idea. Being the only legal ones in the room (Seokmin excluded as he was long passed out anyway), Soonyoung pulled out a bottle of soju he had been hiding, face scrunched with excitement.
Jihoon was never fond of alcohol and its taste, but he really needed one last night. So he did.
And boy did he regret it.
, I’m late.
He grabbed for his usual attire, putting it on, not bothering to shower as he ran out of the house, silently praying that Chan would at least do something to cover him.
- - - - - - - - - - -
As he rounded the corner and sprinted full speed towards the café, he was already mentally preparing himself for the worst. He knew he’d be reproached by the cracked manager, not that he cared – as long as he got to keep his decent job. However, as he arrived and peeled back the already polished glass door, Jihoon thought that perhaps he wasn’t even fully sober yet.
Because in front of him stood Choi Seungcheol, all cladded in black apron and a matching cap, flashing his pearly white teeth at the customers, most of them were (oddly) girls. Each time the Opulent greeted each customer, Jihoon could make out few giggles and squeals, and it was a first to see such an environment in the usually mellow café. Unknowingly, he was glaring at few of the extra giggly ones in the back as he made his way to the front, swimming through hoards of seemingly charmed high-schoolers.
“Why are you here?” Jihoon asked once he’d ducked under the counter, a few inches from the still occupied Seungcheol.
“Hi Jihoon.”
“Don’t freaking ‘Hi’ me! Seriously, why the are you here? And in my ing apron??” Jihoon seethed through his teeth, faking a smile to a confused customer who nodded at the two as she proceeded to pay her drink. Letting Seungcheol scan her barcode, Jihoon remained stoic at the side, his eyes boring into the girl’s wrist when Seungcheol held her a little too long.
“I thought of being your first customer today, but it seemed that you were gonna be in late. So I decided to fill up your spot and help the poor Chan here who had to handle everything on his own.” Seungcheol pursed his lips towards another figure behind the island, somehow shrinking in his station, wanting to hide behind the espresso machine if that was possible.
At the mention of Chan, Jihoon looked over at the boy, mouthing a short ‘sorry’. Chan, who registered that he wasn’t in a heap trouble instantly relaxed at the sight. He threw Jihoon a smile and a thumbs up as he nodded, continuing to brew coffee comfortably. Seungcheol was already attending to the third customer Jihoon saw that day and the shorter one decided that enough was enough.
Clearing his throat a little too loud, Jihoon tugged at Seungcheol’s apron (his own apron), “You can go now. I’m here, aren’t I?”
“But I’m having fun!" he almost forgot that Seungcheol was never easy to deal with.
“And this is my workplace. Find ‘fun’ somewhere else,” Jihoon managed to send Seungcheol off, taking both apron and cap as he maneuvered Seungcheol to the counter’s exit. Once fully sure that the raven wasn’t trying to make an escape into his very own workspace, Jihoon returned to the counter. He swore he could see a few girls frowned at the sight of the new substitute, disappointment written all over their faces. But Jihoon could care less about them.
He’s there to work, not to appeal the heck out of his customers. Though his eyes did fleet to a certain table by the window every now and then, staring at Seungcheol a little too hard. Girls seemed to echo his action too and Jihoon did consider of mixing up their orders, but having to face a fuming manager later was not worth the risk.
He sighed as he reluctantly took the another order, once again glancing at the older when he spotted that Seungcheol had been staring at him all along. Jihoon was the first to turn away, cheeks all heated as he muttered “welcome” to next customer, trying not to fumble through his words. He did hear a deep chuckle off in the distance which made him shrug further into the collar of his shirt, praying that the day would end soon.
Choi. Seung. Cheol.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
I've already started 'fixing' few of my chapters (which I will tag with re-edited)
and Imma finish reorganizing soon.
I might publish Chapter 9 by this upcoming Sunday, but we'll see :)
Anyway, do check out this awesome trailer by the ever amazing @17! Ginko!
She did an amazing job at this and truthfully, I am more than satisfied. It's just pure perfection~
It'll mean a lot to both of us if you'd leave her some love <3
And do upvote this story too because well, it'll be a dream come true if this story ever made it to the featured section (blushes)
Thank you so much, Anna. For your effort and your time.
I really don't know how to repay you but do know I appreciate what you've done~
Beta'd by
Monica - @zeldapikachu94
Kim - @mochajisoo
p/s: I've already added the trailer in the foreword section, so you may check it out whenever you want to :)
xoxo
Nash
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