“You may take him, to mold him into something you always wanted to have, dad… Yes you have won the game,” he spat distastefully.

“What if it’s you the one that I still want? I don’t have that much time after all,” the hard headed middle aged man said while leaning more to the comfy leather sofa.

“You can’t make me, I’ve done all you wanted even to the point I have to sacrifice him for my freedom, I won’t let you take it away from me now. Not after you destroyed my life.”

“He will destroy yours sooner or later, son. It wasn’t meant to be, both of you aren’t,” he exhales exasperatedly while shaking his head in disbelief. “Is he really worth it all? Is he really worth of you selling your own flesh?”

“He’s worth everything, he may take my life if he’s so desire, just as I’ll do anything to keep him mine even if it’s mean hurting people and himself,” he declared with a strong piercing glare to his father.

The old man keep quite as he stare back to his son, letting the heavy silence filling the room before he eventually broke it with a loud sigh, “what about her?”

“I don’t care, just don’t ever hurt him, it may be a very short time for us being together but still I love him,” he began walking to the door, away from his present life. “Don’t you even try to search for me or to hurt him, you don’t want to know what I’m capable of to keep what’s mine stays mine.”

Before the young adult open the door, the father spoke in a low voice, “isn’t this more like you who won the game?”

The thin satisfied smile was the last thing he saw from his son.

--

“How did you went to work today?” he asked since he knew the other had his bike broken with no insurance, he simply had no money to spare.

“By a bus… Why?”

“Isn’t it bothersome, Hyuk?”

“Well, it’s not like I got any choice, right? I can’t pay for the repair and… It’s a junk anyway…” he shrugged trying to appear doesn’t care despite his face obviously painted in sadness.

“Would you rather repair the bike or have a car?”

Hyukjae snorted, “are you kidding me? I have no money to repair my junk of a bike, let alone buying a car. What kind of nonsense are you talking about?”

“I just want to ask isn’t having a car better than using a bike to commute?”

“Is that even a question? That’s so stupid, the answer is deadly obvious! Are you trying to start an argument with me Hae? Really? At our long awaited date?” he frowned deeply, unamused and fed up by the stupid question, slightly self-conscious over his own poverty.

“Come on Hyukjae, don’t be so tight assed, I was only asking. Don’t you know why I set up our date today?”

Hyukjae keep quiet and frowning while thoughts flying about trying to remember the date and if it’s hold any significant. Until his face lit up with wide eyes and a big gaping mouth at the realization, “no way… You’re kidding right?”

“Nope,” a big grin adorning Donghae’s face very brightly, feeling happier and prouder than Hyukjae should have. He took out a key from his pocket and dangling it in front of Hyukjae excitedly, “happy birthday my love…”

The other man had burst out laughing in pure astonishment and amazement, covering his wide gummy grin with his hands while walking about feeling flustered but mostly happy and excited. “Are you serious?!”

“Yes, I’m serious. The BMW is yours now, take it as a birthday gift from me.”

“No, no, no wait,” he kept laughing enthusiastically, “with the way I am and that kind of car, I don’t think I’ll be able to manage the maintenance! And I may sell it just to meet my ends! This is a very bad idea!”

“All problems will be solved if only you let me pay for all your needs, Hyuk. There is no need for you to worry.”

“No, I’m able to support myself and I won’t become your leech, nu-uh,” he shake his head strongly. “It just… I’m really, really happy that you bought me a car, but… I don’t know if I can accept this…”

“Hey,” Donghae called and put his fingers under Hyukjae’s chin to make the male look straight to his eyes. “Don’t worry, I’ll handle and care for the car, think about it as if I lend it to you if that helps. But if you want to sell it, that’s okay too, I won’t mind a bit. You’re free to do as you please with the car, okay?”

At first Hyukjae didn’t say anything, but then a small shy yet happy smile formed on the thick lips beautifully before it changed into a smirk, “I think I’ve won the life lottery to have the Lee enterprise’s heir as my boyfriend.”

“And I think I did won it too because the one that I truly love, loves me back,” a chuckle left his lips before he press it to the counterpart of the plump ones. He didn’t mind it at all when a light, playful punch landed on his side followed by a giggle.

“You cheesy… But really, thanks for the car.”

--

The warm and sleek tongues of them circling, pulling and roaming in a languid way yet full of affection. They can’t keep their hands at the side as it caressing every part of their skin even to the under of their clothes, eager and demanding without stopping, igniting the flame within. That is until they heard a sound of someone coming home and they had to pull away with disappointed sighs and a thin smile.

“That’s your dad right?” he asked while keep pressing his forehead to the other’s one, lips a bit jutted out yet not kissing nor pecking the thin lips which a centimeter ahead.

“Yeah… There is only him anyway…” Donghae sighed feeling restless for the possibility of a trouble ahead.

“What do you mean only him? Where is your mom?”

“She went away after an argument with him, apparently… It’s been a few days since it’s only me and dad at home,” he leaned to give a peck, or two, or three.

“Is that okay?” Hyukjae said after the fourth peck, “didn’t you said they have a good relationship?”

“Well every good relationship have their ups and downs too, good thing that we always have the ups,” he grinned proudly in satisfaction. “But you are right… They never fight to this extent,” he said without care.

They both fell silent, savoring each other’s warmth with thought swarming at the idea of a fight in a relationship. Hyukjae leaned forward to place a deep kiss while one of his hand pressing on Donghae’s nape before pulling away a bit to talk, “I know compared to your parent’s long marriage, our four years are still nothing… And we do have the downs in this relationship, though yeah, maybe we’re mostly good and that is great… And I hope the good will stay, I hope we’ll pull through anything that life would throw to us in the future.”

Donghae smiled warmly, his heart filled with contentment and sweet promises to the love of his life, “of course Hyukjae, I love you… So much that sometimes the sight of you hurts me, afraid that somehow I’m gonna lose you…”

“I’m not going anywhere Donghae, I love you too, so much…” he grinned lovingly before kissing his lover’s lips again even more passionately. But was put to stop with the knocking on the door.

“Donghae? Are you in there? Can I talk to you?” Donghae’s father’s muffled voice heard through the thick wooden door, causing the two lovers to pull away from each other and straightening up from the bed.

Hyukjae was sitting by the edge of the bed politely when Donghae opened the door, revealing the middle age man standing outside of his room with unreadable face. The old man had noticed Hyukjae’s presence, giving the lean boy a casual greeting with a shallow nod and motioning his son to follow him out of the room.

“He’s been playing and staying over almost everyday, aren’t his parents worried?” he asked when Donghae had closed the door to make sure the other boy won’t hear whatever they’re going to say.

“He hasn’t staying over for a week though, but I admit he came here almost everyday. Don’t beat around the bushes, if you don’t like him coming here you should just tell me straight to the point.”

An eyebrow shot up on the old man’s face, noticing the impatient and offended tone in his son’s voice. “I don’t actually care, but you seem very close to him that it’s almost getting ridiculous.”

“Ridiculous how?” he asked half-heartedly, not really giving a mind to what his father is saying and wishing for the man to get to the point rather than wasting his time. Their relationship wasn’t so good, they didn’t hate each other but rather that they’re awkward and distant, almost uncaring towards the other and doing whatever they please.

“I don’t know, you tell me,” he said as shrugging with a tone that Donghae didn’t miss to notice, suspicion.

“What are you trying to say?” he had inquired with a calm demeanor despite his heart leaping in alarm.

“Your mother and I have discussed a few things regarding you,” a skip of a beat of Donghae’s heart. “You’re almost thirty, stable with job –well you work at our family company after all- and have a decent savings with your own money. You have good looks and personality, nothing is holding you down…”

A few seconds of silence was thick with emphasize, as if trying to point a certain issue that is better left unsaid but enough for the two to understand. “…why not getting married?”

“Thirty is still young for males, isn’t it? I’m still too young and inexperienced for that, no reason to rush things” he answered carefully, not too fast, not too slow. Face rest calmly to conceal the thundering of his heart.

“You are the heir of the company, Donghae, if you so happen to forget the fact. You can’t escape your duty to inherit the company and no, I want an eligible heir to pass it on. Your so called freedom was only if you act on your duties.”

“That’s all you care about, isn’t it? Someone to inherit the company? In fact, aren’t I just a tool to you?” he snorted sarcastically not minding that his father didn’t deny what he had just said, because it’s a fact that they both know. “Define eligible.”

“Someone who’s related in blood,” he said effectively.

Donghae scoffed at that, “your good relationship is maintained diplomatically, isn’t it? Is that why mom went away because she’s feeling jealous over my so called freedom? She just had to see me in the same position as her, right?” he laughed humorlessly before sparing a glare to the old man, “what if I don’t want to take on your company? I can just escape from you, I’m capable of doing that now.”

The old man glanced over to the bedroom door before looking back in the eyes to his son, “I guess I can make you.”

Donghae didn’t say anything, but his clenched jaws, tightening fist and a strong hard glare are answer enough.

­--

“You’re joking right?” An unsure, bitter laugh left his lips when he heard the news which answered the question why Donghae had brought him to a very high class hotel’s restaurant, when they mostly goes to ordinary places which are comfortable for Hyukjae.

“Sadly no, I’m serious,” he sighed exasperatedly. “I brought you here because I want you to know that no matter what happens, my heart is yours.”

Hyukjae shook his head frantically, “no, no… That’s selfish… How can you expect me to witness you meeting your future wife? That is sick, Donghae… I’m not doing this, I’d rather to know nothing.”

“Hyukjae…” he called sweetly, “if I didn’t do this you would just overthinking things, won’t you? I want you to see so you know that she won’t even hold a place in my heart… Maybe I have to be kind to her, but it all just an act, for good publicity.”

“No, no Donghae, please don’t… I-I’m not ready for this, I-I don’t want this…” he pleaded with low voice already begin to tremble.

Donghae took his lover’s hand and caressing the skin gently with his thumb, “Hyukjae, please don’t leave me. You just have to stay here, sit on this chair and wait for me to come back… I need you Hyukjae, I really need you, don’t leave me alone in this… I love you.”

Hyukjae feels his heart sank in misery, unable to say anything nor to deny his lover’s request. It’s truly selfish of Donghae to ask of him to do this, it was already devastating enough for him to reluctantly agree with the sick plan of letting Donghae marry another person. The other had told him how it all just a stage for the world and his parents, but his heart truly belongs to Hyukjae, still it’s painful and nonsensical. He had understood that this all have to happen eventually with the fact of Donghae’s high social status, of course he will have to marry a woman and take on the company. He knew this fact already.

But to have experience it for real, even though such image have already being played over and over again in his head, it’s still killing him inside. He may be the real lover of Donghae, but the world will only see him as an affair if they ever be exposed. It’s cruel, it’s so painful and what worse, it pained him more when Donghae becoming even more loving towards him since this whole marriage things brought up, it feels as if he’s trying to make it up for him and it’s the worst feeling ever.

His head understand that it’s better to leave Donghae, even though he loves the guy so much, all the pain killing him and blocking the promises of a better future, instead the future looked so clouded with all the likelihood of everlasting pain. But his heart had told him a different thing, he still love Donghae so dearly that he’s willing enough to sacrifice himself, after all even though he share his lover with someone else, his love and heart truly belonged only to him. Donghae is still truly his despite all the pain.

It was stupid, but it was as pure as his love can be. He decided to swallow it all and keep holding on to Donghae. Even when he saw his lover being very kind to the woman, seemingly close and friendly. Even when later on Donghae had told him how relieved he was to know the woman was a good person and easy to talk to, almost like a friend. Even when Donghae had cancelled their date because he had an urgent thing going on with the woman and or her parents.

It’s okay, he swallowed through his tight dry throat, he’s still mine.

He had never try to learn the woman’s name.

­--

“I’m so, so, so sorry Donghae… I really am sorry…” he palmed his face dejectedly, sniffling at his own stupidity and clumsiness. “I really don’t remember where I lost it… But I’m sure I still wore it to sleep last night.”

“It’s okay Hyuk, don’t cry…” Donghae brought his hand up to wipe away a tear at the corner of his lover’s eyes.

“…maybe it slipped off my finger when I’m sleeping?” he muttered between sniffs while eyes gazing at nothing as his mind trying hard to recall any memories of how he lost it. “Or did I took it off when I’m having a bath…?”

Donghae giggled at the display, “Hyuk calm down, it’s okay… Don’t worry about it.”

His eyes bulged out seeing the nonchalant answer Donghae gave to him, feeling a stinging pain in his chest. “Is it of no importance to you Donghae? That I lost our ring was nothing to mind at all?”

This time it was Donghae who had his eyes widened at the accusation, “Hyukjae, you know how much you meant to me right? How can you say that?”

Hyukjae didn’t say anything, his heart already clenching too painfully to answer anything. He’s been emotional lately and that’s understandable considering the bad position he’s in right now. He had reacting very badly at every little things, unconsciously blaming Donghae on every things that had gone wrong. Even though he’s happy to still have Donghae, sharing kisses, hugs and making love often, still it wasn’t enough to ward off the impending bad feeling that haunting in his heart. He couldn’t bear the thought of his Donghae to marry another person, no, he would never able to.

Now that his ring is lost it seemed as if his hope was lost too, that a part of Donghae that belong to him was gone. How could he be calm about it? How could Donghae laugh about it? He knows how his lover loves him dearly, but right now he can’t help to think that he no longer meant anything to the younger.

“Come on Hyuk, let’s stop this, I don’t want us to fight to day,” he let out a deep breath before taking the other’s hand into his. “It’s our anniversary, we don’t want to ruin it, do we? Hmm? Let us go to the place I’ve planned for today.”

As he pulled his hand, Hyukjae still didn’t utter a word. He can’t say sorry for being agitated nor he can’t voice out his question about the ring. He chose to keep quiet as he doesn’t trust himself to be able to keep a cool head as he let Donghae led him to wherever he wants. Turned out the younger brought him to a high class restaurant and had reserve a table at the open balcony which provide a bit of privacy and a magnificent view of the city from above. With candles and all that jazz, it was a perfect night.

If only I hadn’t lost the ring then tonight could be perfect, Hyukjae had thought.

“Why here…?” he asked while gazing around, taking in the beautiful night scenery.

“Because it has a good view and privacy, you don’t like it when we go to places like this where people can see us, right? So I chose one which had a good privacy, after all our anniversary have to be perfect.”

“I don’t like it because the possibility for someone from the same world of you could recognize you with me and things could be complicated,” he sighed and lowers his eyes, seemingly having an inner battle. “Sorry I ruined our perfect night…”

“No, you don’t. You can’t ever ruin a perfect night as long as you’re with me,” he smiled warmly in understanding and signaling for the sommelier to pour them wine.

It was a good dinner with good meals which marriages perfectly with the wine, complementing each other in a way that had Hyukjae stuck in awe.

“How did these taste so delicious? I’ve never taste such a good wine and these foods are all… So good…” he had said with a face so apparent in amazement.

Donghae chuckled lightly, “is not the food that are good nor are the wines, it’s because they complete each other. The food taste was enhanced by the wine and vice versa, try eating them separately and they won’t taste as good. And if you mix the wine with other food which are not compatible, it will taste bad both the food and the wine. There is always a perfect match that can’t be replaced with anything.”

“Oh I see… I didn’t think wine can be so deep,” he nodded absentmindedly while munching on the food trying to figure out what was just told to him.

“Can you still eat more Hyukjae? I want to show you something,” he then asked the sommelier to fill three crystal glasses and put it in front of Hyukjae when he received a nod. “Hyukjae, there are two wines and one glass of water. I want you to eat these fresh oysters with the wines and compared it, which is matched perfectly.”

His lover then eyed the water, “what should I do with the water?”

“You should drink it to wash off the taste before trying another wine with the oysters,” he pointed at the glass on the right, “try it with this one first.”

“Okay…” Hyukjae drink the wine and took an oyster to his mouth, but after chewing two or three times he scrunched up his nose.

“What is it?” Donghae asked with a knowing smile.

“Uh… It smells fishy…” he stuck out his tongue and hurriedly drank the water to wash the slightly bad taste. “Hae, maybe the oysters are not so fresh anymore… It smells fishy.”

“Try to eat it with the other wine now, Hyuk,” he smiled to assure his lover that everything is okay.

Hyukjae protest lightly with a pout before taking a sip of the other wine and eat the oysters. As Donghae already predicted it, he grinned happily to see his lover looked so wonderstruck and keep eating it with the wine.

“Wow Hae, just wow! How can… How can it taste so different? It’s not fishy at all! It fact it taste so good and rich now, but how…?” he laughed while munching in awe.

Donghae laughed mirroring his lover’s excitement. “You see here,” he pointed at the first wine, “is an expensive Chablis wine.” Then he pointed to the one that being held by Hyukjae, “and this one is a lot cheaper wine than that one.”

“Really? But how? Isn’t this oysters supposed to be expensive too? So aren’t expensive things match better?” he asked with wide eyes.

“This means that the higher prices are never always the better ones. Of course the expensive Chablis taste good, I personally think it taste better than the cheaper one, but it won’t match with oysters. Sometimes even the most expensive food can match better or perfectly with cheaper ones, there are no rules that expensive ones should go with the same expensive things and so on. What match just matched with no labels,” Donghae stares to Hyukjae’s eyes whole-heartedly, trying to convey each words across.

Hyukjae remained still at his seat, wondering at the sudden serious ambience and somehow getting some idea at what just said by his lover. Donghae then took his hand in his slightly cold hand, it lovingly before continuing, “just like us.”

A silence fell on them, a good kind of quiet air where their feelings are wide in the open through their eyes. Donghae brought his other hand from under the table then slide it on the table elegantly while holding on an item which makes Hyukjae’s eyes grow wider than ever.

“I’ve been told since I was little that I’m born in a family with high status, determined by the golds and all the sort. They said I’m very lucky to be so rich, so powerful and can have everything that I want. Maybe they’re right, I’m lucky with all of those advantages, but they didn’t know that every good things always have their own badness. My family relationship was never a good one, not my father, not my mother nor the other relations. I was born wealthy but clueless of how to love someone. Until you...”

He took a deep breath, “you strike me as weird at first, of how passionate you’re to live your life, how hard you work even when it didn’t compensate you that well, and yet you never fail to laugh and smile every day. While me, when all necessity are fulfilled and have a lot of money to spare for useless things, smiles and laughs was my mask to the society, it was never genuine. My life was like an empty white office room with no smell or taste, but yours… Despite all of your shortcomings in your life, it was full of colors and I was intrigued.

“It didn’t took long until I fell for you, that I knew you are the one for me. I’m not a perfect being that everybody always said, I’m a very lacking human being and so do you. But you lack what I have and you complete me with what I lacked, I believe we’re just like a puzzle that fits perfectly with each other. You complete me, Lee Hyukjae, and no words can ever describe of how much I love you.”

A tear rolled down on Hyukjae’s cheek, unable to say anything as his throat chokes on his cries, lips drawn up with the most beautiful smile. Donghae swallowed before continuing the words carefully, “I know this is very selfish of me to do this to you, but I can’t imagine my life without you. I can’t ask you to understand my choice because it would be very egoistical of me, I just want you to stay with me no matter what happen and for you to know that my love will always belong to you… To public I may be getting married with this girl, but for me, the vows are only being said to you. It will be our wedding though hidden from the world eyes, but us is all that matters.”

He opened the dark blue box and shows the lovely platinum ring inside, sitting perfectly under the pretty candle lights and reflected in his lover’s glassy eyes. He slowly lifted up the box and for his gaze to see Hyukjae in the eyes, letting the image and the tight atmosphere to sink in before finally spelling the magical words.

“Lee Hyukjae, will you marry this stupid man but undeniably head over heels for his entire life over you, who named Lee Donghae?”

He received a mix of soft laugh and cries with a tight embrace as an answer.

He felt his life completed perfectly that night as they cried together in joy and contentment.

--

“Hey baby, I missed you,” was the words he always said every evening he knocked on Hyukjae’s door. They would make love to relish each other’s warmth and love, mostly Donghae leaving his mark on his lover yet Hyukjae could never do the same. He starting to realize that every time they make love, the deeper he sink into misery, feeling a part of him slowly perish when their time runs out.

“I will see you tomorrow Hyuk, I have to go before she’s start calling me,” he said with a light chuckled and leave the room after a deep goodnight kiss. He always came every morning to kiss him before going to work, he always came to Hyukjae’s apartment room after work before he goes back to his own room where his wife waits for him. It was ridiculous how Hyukjae ended up staying in the same apartment as those two, he was only one floor below the married couple’s room.

What are they? They’re lovers, couple, but what does it seems to the world? No one can deny Hyukjae seems to be the third person, the home wrecker. He knows it how it’s not actually like that, but he can’t hold in the ill feelings anymore, he had enough. He had enough to sneaks around like that, he had enough of seeing hickeys which he can’t put on Donghae’s skin ever again, he had enough to have their times ruined whether Donghae’s wife called for him and the husband couldn’t always deny his wife.

He feels bad for himself, he feels bad for the woman, he feels bad for his lover’s parents who are fooled by them. What about Donghae? Why does slowly he’s turning into a character which he hates? He still love the man, but still he can’t deny the impending feeling of wanting to get away from all the pain Donghae had caused on him.

He’s standing on a thin line in the middle of a steep cliff, it will only need a slight force for the line to snap and let him fall with no safety.

And it did snap when the wife get pregnant.

--

“Let me go Donghae, I-I can no longer deal with all of this… It hurts me so much, to share you with someone else… It’s just… Sick and I can’t handle it anymore…” he cried and cried until his face marred with tears and pain, ears buzzing by the erratic thumping of his heart. “I can’t do this anymore… Let’s just end this.”

“No! No! Never! I will never let you go Hyukjae! You’re mine and I will never give up on you, so please don’t you ever give up on me! I need you Hyukjae, only you, I love you… You know that, so please stay with me… Just please stay with me and I’ll make it better for both of us, okay…?” he said in a soothing voice yet desperate to hold onto his retreating figure of his lover. “Please Hyukjae, don’t do this to me… Please just stay with me…”

“No Donghae, that should have been my words, don’t do this to me… Please just let me go, release me from all the pain that you caused to me, forget about me… Let me go…” Hyukjae grab on the handle of his suitcase and began walking away to the front door, not sparing a single glance to Donghae as he keep walking, trying hard to keep his heart from crumbling down into bits. But it was a wrong move, seeing this Donghae was blinded with fear and anger, catching his lover with his arms and shove him back inside the room, eliciting a strained scream of pain at the harsh treatment.

“No Hyukjae, when I said you’re mine, you stay. And when I said stay, you don’t ever dare took a ing step away from me!” he shouted as his eyes filled with red, trapping Hyukjae within his hold forcefully, carving a mark to never ever fade with time in his lover’s heart.

It was the first time ever Donghae took Hyukjae with force, claiming ownership rather than those which done with tender love. To blinded to realize that he’s hurting his lover both physically and mentally, both are broken beyond repair, lost in their own misery and echoing screams, continuously inflicting pain.

When the morning sun peeked out over the horizon in the very next day, Hyukjae run away.

Away from pain, away from nightmares and away from his lover whom he no longer recognize.

--

He had nowhere to run to, since Donghae had sold his old rundown room when he was moved into the apartment room below the married couple. He was wandering aimlessly, pulling on his suitcase lethargically as rain drenching him deep into his frozen heart. It had been a few days since he slept on the park’s bench stealthy and washed himself at public bathroom, not to mention his money was running low even though he still keep going to his work. He simply didn’t have enough to rent even the cheapest room because to make due every day was hard enough.

So when he was sitting tiredly on his suitcase in the middle of the night at the side road, mind in chaos as what to do to survive another day, he was surprised to notice the rain stop falling on him and only to noticed an umbrella was held above him.

“Are you okay?” a deep and soft voice heard as he looked up to see a man standing not too far from him. Hyukjae didn’t answer, merely sitting there with blank expression as to wait to know what the stranger wanted of him. “You seemed like a runaway child, well although you’re clearly not a child anymore.”

“Why?” his voice came out a bit too hoarse with him being too long under the rain.

“What?”

“Why are you talking to me? Nobody ever dare to come close to me, with me being… Like this.”

The man scratching his nape before answering, seemingly confused as to why he had tried to converse with a person who looked very much like a stray, ”I don’t know. You just seem different than a homeless person. You looked too neat and clean to be one.” He glanced at the item which Hyukjae sat on, “and you have a big suitcase, so… I guess you looked more lost than… Well, a hobo.”

Hyukjae remain silent, measuring the stranger carefully before asking, “what’s your intention?”

“Uh, well seeing as it raining hard, I thought I could at least offer you a warm shelter… Or maybe a cup of hot coffee if it’s… too much for you.”

“Should I be worried?” he asked firmly, eyes glaring intimidatingly not wanting to let even a single weakness to be seen.

“No… Uh, it’s just my conscience which refused to turn a blind eye when I saw you and… It was all for good intention.”

Hyukjae standing up and pulled his suitcase up, not minding the spilled rain from the edges of umbrella to fall on him when he’s already drenched. The stranger had thought the man was about to leave him until he turned to face him with and said, “what’s your name?”

“…Jongwoon.”

“Hyukjae,” he briefly nodded. “I’ll be in your care.”

--

“Hyukjae, is it okay if I turn on the music?”

“Of course,” he simply answered, bringing his attention back to the book he was reading.

“Sweet,” Jongwoon said as he his stereo to play foreign music.

It has been weeks since they first met and for Hyukjae to stay at the man’s place, deciding for them to split the rent when the due comes. Jongwoon was a rather eccentric man with unique tastes, have a very beautiful deep voice and love to sing along the music even when he know almost nothing about English. He’s a very kind man who likes to help people, just like when he help Hyukjae to get out of the chilly raining night, he had witnessed the man giving food or small money for homeless kids.

Hyukjae was thankful to the man, very grateful to the point he thought of Jongwoon like his savior despite all the man’s weird behavior. Strangely they grew close, very close even though they’re almost the opposite of each other’s traits. Hyukjae had thought of Jongwoon like his big brother, and when he had stayed there the fifth week, he realized of how Jongwoon fancied him more than brotherly. But he chose to be oblivious about it, despite all the kindness, comfortable and caring gesture Jongwoon showered him every day, his heart seemed to be left behind at a certain place and time. A certain person.

Even though he came to hate Donghae after all the pain and the final blow his former lover had dealt to him physically and mentally, he can’t deny that Donghae had always haunting his mind day or night. Even when he woke up with a start, body dampen with sweat and horrible images of nightmare, he had seek out Donghae’s presence only to realize the man was the one he had runaway from. It was strange, nonsense, but his feeling for Donghae still very much there even when he hates him so much. So much that he would imagine killing him in his mind, to create images of him strangling Donghae to death, inflicting back the pain he had carved deep in his soul.

So why does his heart still longing for him when clearly nothing good will ever come out of it?

Isn’t it also the reason why he had chosen to come with Jongwoon when the man was obviously a stranger and he’s risking his well being at it? Because he didn’t care of what could happen to him anymore when half of his soul no longer exist and he is but a hollow man. Is it possible for someone to hate another so much to the point his mind able to imagine killing him, yet also longing for the very same person until it hurts and he can’t decide what is it he’s feeling anymore?

Was the sweet whispers, loving kisses and lingering touches are what caused him to longed for the man? The times when they shared beautiful memories, warmth and love are what cultivate his love when he no longer want to do so and rather be forgotten about it all? Was it the way those thin lips always smile brightly at him and kissed his sadness away for years when he would felt emptiness in his life? Was it because the deep dark brown eyes which always gazing into his eyes affectionately, lovingly and sometimes passionately when they both had the need to reclaimed their love over and over again?

Was it the remnants of his love which create the longing agony despite the growing hate, or was it always the very same love which never died?

His thoughts was put to stop as music and lyrics wrapping him, echoing his chaotic mind ironically.

I'm not strong enough to stay away.
Can't run from you
I just run back to you.
Like a moth I'm drawn in to your flame,
Say my name, but it's not the same.
You look in my eyes, I'm stripped of my pride.
And my soul surrenders, and you bring my heart to it's knees.

And it's killin' me when you're away, I wanna leave and I wanna stay.
And I'm so confused, So hard to choose.
Between the pleasure and the pain.
And I know it's wrong, and I know it's right.
Even if I try to win the fight, my heart would overrule my mind.
And I'm not strong enough to stay away

“Stupid isn’t it?” Jongwoon’s voice broke Hyukjae’s attention towards the song, “I’ve searched the meaning of this song, it’s good and I like it. But still I found it stupid, why would someone torture oneself further when they already know how painful it would be?”

Hyukjae didn’t answer right away, savoring the song as his heart sink deeper as the words ripping his soul with hidden truth he would rather not know of. “Maybe love just that crazy.”

“Love? Was it something worth the pain? Wasn’t love supposed to be good and happy?”

“Maybe such love were never meant for some people.”

“Isn’t that... crazy?”

Hyukjae swallowed dryly as his blank eyes peering beyond the scenery outside the window.

“Crazy indeed…”

--

He should have seen it coming, having been together with him for a few years, moreover in an intimate way. He should know that the man are capable to do anything he wanted to get whatever are his stays his, that included him. He should be concerned when he had been left alone for almost two months than to feel relieved, because he knew how persistent, stubborn and possessive he is. So when he saw the man standing in the middle of the room intimidatingly with a hard glare and manhandling Jongwoon with one hand effectively, rather than he’s caught by surprise or shocked at the scene, his mind could almost say, finally.

Does that make him always expecting for the man to chase after him? Despite he himself says that he hates the man?

“I would kill him Hyukjae if he’s so much to ever touch you,” he snarled lowly with one hand still grabbing Jongwoon’s collar tightly even though the poor man was barely conscious. “Good thing your heart always stay true.”

“If it was then I’ve already kill you Donghae,” he spat back with much venom in his words, eyes glaring and wet in rousing anger.

“I love you Hyukjae, I’ve never want to hurt you…” Donghae said sadly with hooded eyes as he let go of his hold on the poor man, letting him fall to the tiled floor causing a loud thud. “I’m sorry that I hurt you, but you brought it upon yourself, you caused me to lost control. I told you I’ll never let you go.”

“Then what should I do to make you let me go?” his words had come out more pained than he wanted.

“Nothing, Hyukjae. Because my love will never cease and so is yours, had you not realize yet how much you seek of me after these two months? Is that not reason enough?”

“How arrogant, I’ve never miss you, not at all. I have even forgotten about you ever exist in my life, so why don’t you let it stay that way? Why must you come back and destroy my happiness again?!” he yelled frustrated, face drenched in tears and pain, eyes red in anguish and anger, glaring accusingly.

“I know Hyukjae,” Donghae stated in calm demeanor yet firmly, leaning forward to decrease the distance between the two with stern eyes. “I know how deep I’ve reigned your heart as you had done so to mine, and I know just how much you missed me with a single glance of you. Do you honestly think I wouldn’t notice after all the time we have been together and how strong my love for you is?”

Hyukjae rendered to speechless, face contorted further in anguish as his heart decided to unhidden the deep truth, cries resounding horribly hopeless and stomach churning as he no longer had control over himself. If Donghae didn’t catch him, he would have break his knees as he fall lifelessly with no defense to the floor, he had been skinned bare with no barriers.

“If it takes my whole life to pay my faults, so be it. Hyukjae, I know how bad I’ve love you because I simply didn’t know how to love someone in another way. I may hurt you over and over again but I swear my love is true. If you stay, I promise, I promise to make you happy then teach me how to love properly.”

“What if… What if I want you to let me go for my happiness to happen?” he whimpered brokenly.

“Then I’m sorry that I won’t ever let you go,” Donghae answered with equal tears.

Hyukjae cried again, louder than before as he shut his eyes tightly in agony, “why did you do this to me…? If you love me then why did you caused me so much pain? I can’t… I can’t deal with this anymore, is it not enough for you to broke me into pieces and now you want to break me further?”

“I’m pained too, it hurts me so much to have you away from me… I can’t live without you Hyukjae, you’re my life, my very first breathe of the world. If you take yourself away from me then… It’s the same as telling me to just go and die,” he said trembling as he hold in his cries. “I’m sorry Hyukjae, I really am sorry for loving you like this, but I can’t let you go. I need you, so much that I no longer myself when you’re gone.”

Hyukjae willing his eyes to open, to let his tears pour out more and taking in the sight of the weakness Donghae laid bare to him, the genuine truth. He wasn’t an idiot, he know very well why was he’s so hurting and tortured by this man. Because he loves him, because the love was still very much there and that’s why it had pained him so much to continue loving him.

“I can’t share you Donghae… I’m that selfish, too in love with you that I can’t handle it… I did rather slowly wither than letting this love to be tainted. I’m no better than you when it comes to love, I can’t remember enough how many times I had wished for her to die… To kill you both with my hands… I’ve dreamt about killing you Donghae, I hate you that I want to kill you for causing me all this pain.” He sobbed as his throat choked on his cries, “was this love really meant to be like this?”

The dark brown eyes staring deep into it’s counterpart, drowning in thousand feelings exploding in their soul, clueless how to convey it. A small smile formed on the thin smile, “we’re free Hyukjae… You and I will be free in the next few months, all I ask of is for you to wait, then our happiness will shine like sunrise after all the dark agonizing nightmares.”

Hyukjae blinked tiredly, mind still in chaos and almost uncaring about whatever it is that Donghae is saying, “what do you mean?”

“I’ve got our golden ticket to get out from this nightmare Hyukjae.”

--

And so they vanish like they never exist a few months later, no one tried to search for them, nothing is done as if there’s a big conspiracy behind it all. Only that people haven’t cease to give their condolence to Lee Donghae’s wife for losing a husband right after she gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

But maybe there are some people who are able to see the truth behind their disappearance.

-The End-

Sorry if it's absurd, or not dark enough, it was their minds which are dark. How their love warped them into something else, actually I've intended to write this even more bloody to the point they hurt each other. But I guess I'm not good enough at it, so I left it here just like this.

I hope you like it! -despite the angst and ERRORS, sorry-

AND SORRY IT'S NOT PROOFREAD.