“Goodbye Doctor” The receptionist waved farewell. I gave her a bow and headed out, tucking my my hands inside my coat. Another day gone. Exactly, eight years after she left.

 

 

Maybe I should spend this day over whisky, to forget, even for just a bit.

 

 

I walked outside the hospital, trying to remember the place where I parked my car when I saw a familiar figure, standing.

 

 

 

I fought the urge to scream. To punch. To rip off his throat from his neck. To permanently bury him in the face of the earth.

 

“Minho” Changmin’s sickly face greeted me. He’s gone ghostly pale, his body as skinny as a scarecrow, his eyes dull.

 

Not a shred of color and life. No. I don’t pity him. He deserves what he gets.

 

 

I made my way to my car, ignoring his existence.

 

 

“Minho” He called out, limping his way towards me. “Please”

 

 

I unlocked my car door, hurrying myself in when I heard him scream.

 

 

“IT’S SEOHYUN!” I froze.

 

 

One name. One stupid name. A thousand memories. A thousand kisses. A million heartbreaks.

 

 

“Hear me out!” He pleaded. His voice hoarse as he grabbed the door of the driver’s seat, preventing me from closing it.

 

 

“10 seconds” I muttered. I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t. This bastard is a traitor. A liar. Everything I loathed. But she…

 

 

Seohyun.

 

 

“She’s..” He gulped and I could see it in his eyes that he was breaking.

 

 

 

I could feel myself shattering. Inch by inch. Piece by piece.

 

 

8 years.  2920 days. 70,080 hours.

 

 

It should’ve prepared me for this day. I should’ve gotten used to the fact that maybe she’ll never come back.

 

 

 

Idiot. She's NEVER coming back.

 

 

There were no tears, no words. I looked at Shim Changmin in the eyes, my eyes mirroring my hate.

 

 

“Move” I say through gritted teeth.

 

 

He sighed in defeat as tears rolled out of his eyes.

 

 

You have no right to cry. To mourn for her. Not when you became the wall that prevented her from being happy.

 

 

“You’ve finally done it Shim Changmin. You’ve permanently broken off every last sympathy I have for you” I said before I closed my car door and drove away.

 

 

 

 

 

I didn’t sleep that night. I couldn’t. How could I? When this little beach house reminded me of everything we were. Everything we had. Everything I wanted.

 

 

I couldn’t shed a tear. I couldn’t. I couldn’t scream. Everything was stuck in my chest. I was suffocating. I was dying. And there was no one to hold me. No one to tell me it was alright. No one to tell me she was coming back.

 

 

I did what I thought would help. I downed 5 bottles of the strongest alcohol I could find without stopping. I destroyed the little furniture I had, breaking and hacking everything in my way. Until I saw all the pictures and I did the unthinkable.

 

I got out of my house, started a fire and burned each memory. One by one.

 

 

The fire. The fire turned everything into ashes. The fire burned away the ache.

 

 

The fire couldn’t help with the pain.

 

 

 

“Did you….did you think of me?” I whispered as I watched the last picture of us turn into nothing but ash.

 

 

She was smiling, dressed up in a maleficent costume and I was in a jack sparrow inspired outfit.

 

 

“Did you… did you think of me before you closed your eyes?” I trembled, getting down on my knees. Watching the fire engulf the memories but not the hurt I was feeling.

 

 

“Eight years” I whispered. “Eight years and not a single word”

 

 

I could almost see her face. That look she does when she’s guilty and hurt.

 

 

“You’re so unfair” My heart palpitated. “You were the only good thing in my life. You were the only reason why I fought, why I lived. But you killed me! You took me with you to the grave!”

 

 

I closed my eyes, feeling the cold breeze of the beach hit my face.

 

 

“I love you. I love you” My hands turned to fists as the flash of her face invaded my brain. “There’s no point going on without you”

 

 

My mind was a blur, my body was in auto-pilot. The cold water reached my legs, then my waist, then soon, it was right above me, embracing me in dark oblivion.

 

 

Soon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hear it. The wind. The sound of seagulls. The water hitting the sand.

 

 

NO.

 

 

The sunlight hit my eyes, blinding me momentarily.

 

 

“You shouldn’t have done that” 

 

 

Changmin’s quiet voice instantly awakened every fiber in my body.

 

 

“You shouldn’t have saved me” I glared at him, distancing us further apart.

 

 

“I thought about that” He looked at me, and I can’t help but wonder what happened to the spirited young boy he once was.

 

 

“This doesn’t change anything” I said, willing myself not to punch him in the gut. “What made you change your mind?”

 

 

He stood up and I could see beneath his shirt that his skin cling to his bones.

 

 

“That” He pointed at the ground. At the pile of coal and ashes.

 

 

At the half burned picture of Seohyun, she was underneath the confetti, oblivious of the fact that I’m watching her.

 

 

“She wouldn’t want that to happen”

 

 

“So you talk to dead people now?” Harshly, if not mockingly, I snapped.

 

 

“She told me Minho. She told me she’d want you to live again”

 

 

“How can I live? How can I live knowing she’s dead?! You took her away from me Changmin! She was the only one I had! The only one I loved! You knew! You knew how I felt and you did it anyway! You made her leave me!”

 

 

2092 days and these words can never be enough to tell Shim Changmin how much I loathed each and every part of him.

 

 

“I’m not asking for forgiveness. I know I can never be forgiven for all the pain I’ve inflicted. But you’re not the only who lost her Minho!” His voice rough as he started to cough endlessly.

 

 

“Get out of my property”

 

 

He didn’t need to be told anymore. Shim Changmin got up and limped his way to his car.

 

 

“It was a car crash. She was on her way to the airport. To come home. To you” Changmin said before he finally got inside his car and drove away.

 

 

And that was the last time that I ever saw Shim Changmin, my cousin, my bestfriend, my enemy.