A/N: Hey guys, long time no see you. Anyway, did you remeber Kyu was dying in the hospital? Yeah, well hope you like this chapter. 

In this side of the world is still Feb 3rd, so HAPPY KYU DAY! ^^

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“I’m living in hell,” Sungmin told me. We met in the gym “Ryeowook is so heavy. You know, I got this thing, I met this guy. His name is Kangin, a business man, married with a beautiful baby girl, Chunhyangie. There are some guys, no matter what they look like, out of their clothes it’s like there’s nothing but you and him and the universe, and Kangin is one of those. He is so manly, gentle and sophisticated, and he’s in love with my , and of course, he feels real guilty about the whole situation. If you saw this guy, you would laugh, but I’m in love with him and now it’s over. I just never got hurt like this before. Wook’s been really supportive, you know he’s the nicest person, he would cut his balls off for a friend. But after a while, he can get really heavy. I’m always going to be, you know, grateful for what he’s been for me during this period, but I can’t stand it anymore. He’s assuming this overprotective role, protecting me from myself and, in other words, knowing every move I made.”

I let Sungmin talk me a little bit more, till he mentioned something that caught my attention. It had something to do with Kyuhyun and his condition. The first time I heard the news about Kyu, was because of Ryeowook. I remember he called me and told me that Kyu was in the hospital. I was afraid and scared, and since then I’ve always tried to avoid the topic. I don’t know how long he’s going to live but it’s time to face it.

If I hadn’t had Hyuk with me, distracting me, I probably would have notice the omnipresence of death that clear. Instead, the fatal sarcomas, pneumonias or neuropathies reached me as isolated incidents. I convinced myself that since I’d been ually unhappy for years after breaking up with Kyu, this unhappiness gives me a special immunity. I thought: If Kyu is sick, wouldn’t I be sick by now, if I picked the virus from him? This made no real sense. Even if Kyu got infected long before our relationship, infected me in the middle of his incubation period, I could fall ill in the same time after we broke up. Perhaps the thing developed at different rates in different people, with one person getting sick a few months after infection while other falls ill years afterwards.

These days people talk a lot about safe . Ryeowook informed me that sodomy with , which he’d tried out on his occasional boyfriend Kyungsoo, never proceeded very smoothly. You could never quite lose yourself in lovemaking, since no longer led directly to insertion, but rather to the peeling of a foil packet and the usually clumsy rolling of the latex down the length of the , which quite often shrank if you didn’t slip in on right the first try. s with a on the were rally an absurd thing, not worth bothering with. a without inserting the head into the mouth was like eating the cone and throwing away the ice cream.

“On the other hand,” Wook explained me, “sodomy without a had always had a lot of little glitches too, if the person’s was too tight, or too dry, and you didn’t happen to have the lub open and ready.”

I remember that with Kyu, who always tried to putting it using spit but that never was enough. He would ease himself off the bed, and looked for the lub in the bathroom. Of course we were so high most of the time that these little interruptions increased the excitement. Now they say you should never drink or take drugs if you have because it breaks down you inhibitions and you find yourself going all the way, getting come down your throat or up your and then you are paralyzed with fear the next morning.

“So, if you do it as you’re supposed to, with both people completely lucid and therefore completely self-conscious, any break in the continuity makes t