IU POV

Wasuremono (Japanese)

(n) forgotten or lost things; an item left behind on a train or forgotten at home

I found myself remembering something and teetering on the edge of Uh-oh, and finally realizing something important.

“Oh, . The box!” I cried. I looked back at the parking lot and see the van drifts away. I could only form an o shape on my mouth and not moving an inch while seeing the van moves farther away, getting smaller in my sight each and every second passed.

Afterwards, I walk inside the building, ride the elevator, and arrive at my sort-of home in the middle of Gangnam. I live alone here, it’s a small lofty-styled place with not so much things inside, and that things are mostly Scandinavian-styled. I drop my bag at the sofa, erase my make-up, cleanse my face, brush my teeth, and then change my clothes to a more comfortable ones. I lay on my bean chair, feel tired but not sleepy enough to go to bed right away. My parents call. They asked about my day, my dad mostly talk while my mom will chime in between. It was short, the call. I love this routine when I just arrive home like this, just like normal people, just like other young adults who is going to university, get back to their dorms at night and their parents called around asking how their day went through.

I scrolled my smartphone, checking the chart, a habit that is also my guilty pleasure. I promised myself not to pay attention much to the chart as it put pressures on me, a hefty kind of pressure. But it also gives me a sense of accomplishment, how can it not? An apparent result of hard work is shown real time, and so it is a damn awesome pleasure to be on top of the chart. And yes, Leon’s still on top. Nice, Ji Eun, nice. Mapsosa is 2nd. Sponsor is 3rd. Fourth is Fear by Song Mino of Show Me the Money. Oh that Mino from Winner, we had this little kind-of awkward but awesome harmonization duet at MAMA before. He released another new song? Okay let’s check that out.

Oh, it’s featuring Taeyang.

Download. Immediately.

Eh..eh oh. Wow. What a lyricism from the song. What a delivery.

We’re all sinking in the same boat here. For them it’s “fear”, for me it’s “wait”. We’re all bored and desperate and waiting for something to happen. Waiting for life to get better. Waiting for things to change. Waiting for that one person to finally notice us. We’re all waiting. And at some point of my life, I am waiting for Youngbae oppa.

Yes, I would like to finally calling his name with added term of endearment oppa behind his name. Not oppa meaning older brother but oppa as in, you know, oppa. Except he is always seeing me as a fan, an ecstatic, wide-eyed, giddy, and giggly one. And probably a dongsaeng and hoobae.

I guess the more you start to like someone, the more you ache when they’re gone, and maybe it’s that middle ground that hurts the most, when you can see them and still not feel like you’re near enough. So close and yet so far. That excerpt from Emmy & Oliver is explaining my position to Youngbae oppa the best.  So close and yet so far. I kissed him on the cheek on Heroes, he chose me 3 times on some random pole about Heroes member he likes the most, I guest-performed on his solo concert, he hugged me during Alive promotion on Inkigayo, I sat next to him on Melon Awards, he jokingly asked for my rose on MAMA, we’re together on Infinity Challenge Music Festival…

And all of that happened, more or less, in front of cameras. Behind the cameras, well, there are Yuri sunbaenim and of course Min Hyo Rin sunbaenim (and probably some other girls, I don’t know). How can I say it? I am not in love with Youngbae oppa. Call me a liar or anything that you want but I would say I’m more like liking him so much, more than just a fan, I wish, but I don’t know. The thing is, I don’t know him personally, I just like him perform, his music, his appearance, his smile (God!), his energy, his dance, and this way of describing how I like him is not much different than any V.I.P or any Taeyang fan would describe their liking of Taeyang. But I also like the way he treated me when we’re interacted, with manner, with his smile, with a (dongsaeng) loving gaze, with sincerity (as a sunbae), even while keeping some space between us he makes me feel like I’m close to him. The key is: feel like. I’m not in any way close to him personally. He just have his own way of warming up with people he work with and make them feel like they know him for so long and thus loosen up and become comfortable around him. That, perhaps, what makes me fall for him, a bit.

But somehow I have some other particular special ones, ones that make me feel butterfly flying around in my stomach. I can’t met Youngbae oppa outside to see him personally as a potential love interest, I know he clearly draw a character box for me: equal colleague, dongsaeng, hoobae, and fan. So the fall-for-him-even-just-a-bit kinds of evaporates into thin air, it’s naturally gone. So I don’t know how I could elaborate more about this feeling, if there is any or if this feeling is already lost and forgotten somewhere.

But yeah, I am still excited in meeting him, in anywhere, may he be with his girlfriend or not. Heck, I’m even a little intrigued whether I’ll meet him in YG when In Na unni asked me to pick her up.

Uh oh, that unni. That laotong gijibae who left me in tatters earlier. Besides, I want to talk to her about Youngbae oppa….

Calling Yoo In Na

“Helloooooo,” In Na unni greets me a little too enthusiastic.

“Hello, Unni…” I say.

“Who’s this?” She ask, and continues “Is this Ji Eun? Ji Eun, right? Ji Eun-aaaaaaaaah,” she still sounds a little too enthusiastic.

“Hello? Unni? Unni what was that?” I ask. To the point. You had to do that to this unni.

“That what? Ji Eun-aaaaaaaaah hahahahahahaha,” she asks back, now more than a little too enthusiastic.

“THAT earlier. Don’t try to get away from this, unni,” I warn her sternly.

“Get away from whaaaaaaaaat? Hahahahahahahaha I’m just greeting you happily Ji Eun-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah hahahahahahahahahahaha.” Now she sounds lunatic. She’s most definitely drunk.

“Unni, are you, perhaps, drunk already?” I ask just to make sure.

“Ji Eun-aaaaah, are you happy?” She starts to ask some random question. It sounds noisy on the line.

“Unni…” I try to say something.

“Ji Eun-aaaaah, you’re still with Ji Yong? Is he nice to you? Hahahahahaha he must be nice to you,” she starts blabbering around.

“Unni… unni let’s talk about this tomorrow, okay? Unni please don’t drive yourself home, call a driver or your manager. And don’t come home too late, or too early, I mean, oh you know what I mean…” I’m worried at her state right now, she seems a little over drunk, a bit too high.

“Ji Eun-aaaaah, I am happy. You’re so kind. My kind sister. I love you Ji Eun-aaaaaaaaaaaah,” she screams on the phone

Call disconnected.

That unni, really. Getting together with Secret Garden casts after all these years must make her a bit crazed. God.