author: annaaliah

title: you're the one

reviewer: yeoniebb42

› Title [ 5/10 ]

Being a huge kaisoo shipper and all, I liked the title at first sight because Jongin is totally the one for Kyungsoo, right? ; u ; But after reading the ending, I prefer your original title a lot more. Then again, I still think there’s something more suitable out there. Perhaps something with the word ‘missing’ in the title?

› Description and Foreword [ 8/10 ]

The description is quite satisfactory, I would say. It didn’t pull me in right away but nonetheless, it did spark some curiosity within me. I think you could easily solve this with some better wording but for what it is now, not bad at all. I also spotted a few grammatical mistakes which I would just like to correct for you now.

“There is something missing in Do Kyungsoo's life and but he doesn't know what it is.

His life changes automatically when he meet meets Kim Jongin, yet he still doesn't know what that missing thing is.

Do Kyungsoo wants to know what the missing thing is but will he find it when with life is being so cruel?”

› Plot [ 12/15 ]

To be quite honest, the plot moved way too fast for me even for a one-shot. o: One moment they’re strangers and the next there’s skinship! I would’ve liked it better if you had put in a few more scenes between them before leading up to the cute, touchy Kaisoo we were presented with. Other than that, I like how Jongin completes Kyungsoo’s life. I really can’t fault the plot much. Well done!

› Character Development [ 10/10 ]

They’re both very sweet characters. I didn’t really find any problems with the way you presented Kaisoo thus, full marks to you here! By the way, I liked the scene where Kyungsoo is cooking and Jongin hugs him from behind. You showed that Jongin has made Kyungsoo’s life happier but he still feels a little emptiness. That is like A+ stuff, bae~

› Writing Style [ 18/20 ]

Okay, I guessed that English isn’t your first language therefore, I simply REFUSE to take marks away for that. This category is about your style of writing not how good your language abilities are and I have to say, despite the spelling mistakes, occasional wrong grammar and slightly odd choice of words, wow. The opening of the story, wow. I was blown away! You painted in my mind a vivid picture of Kyungsoo under the rain and I was really really impressed. But then it changed. :c After that wonderfully described beginning, the rest of the story didn’t have as much amazing detail. It almost seemed as though you didn’t feel like writing anymore. I would’ve given that a 20/20 up until the part when Jongin wakes him up. You have so much potential! I really think you can try harder with the rest of the story. ^^

› Spelling, Grammar and Diction [ 15/25 ]

Unfortunately, this is the category that I was least disappointed in. I noticed that you’ve already got yourself a beta reader which is very good however, for now, I’m unable to give you a very high score here. ; - ;

› Personal Enjoyment [ 9/10 ]

Thank you for sharing this story with me. There is still room for improvement but I loved the beginning, I loved Kyungsoo’s confession, I loved how Yixing looked up to them as an example of true love and I even got goosebumps! #kaisooftw #sulayftw

› Final Score [ 77/100 ]

77%