"Still leaving?" he asked me that morning.

I nodded my head, my eyes glued to my luggage. 

"You can stay you know? It's quite spacious here" he started his propaganda again. 

"It's okay. Thanks TOP. Really appreciate it" i declined. "What are you doing up?" i asked.

The time is 7.30 a.m. I should really be going. 

He should be in bed, he got a long day yesterday. 

"I should atleast say goodbye" he replied.

"But you're tired. i wanted to wake you up but you look so tired" i said.

"It's okay. I'm up already" his answer was short, i could sense desperation in his voice. He wanted me to stay.

"I'm sorry, TOP. I want to stay but i cant. You know how Seungri is. He wont like this" I answered his mind question.

"This is unacceptable. He walked away, leaving you and now he want to claim you back and act like nothing happen. And now he wont like this?" TOP ranted.

"He didnt leave me, TOP. He was confused at that moment of time. He loved me" I reassured him, more like reassuring myself that i still love Seungri. I didnt know going back to him is a good thing or not. 

 

A year ago, Seungri left me without words. He left the house, the car, everything. He didnt leave anything for me to miss. Not even a phone call, ,essage or even an email. I cried him a river. TOP was there with me, the whole time. He helped me disposed of the house and cars. He was in the middle of helping me throwing away the memories. 

But then Seungri came back. 

"I'm sorry baby. I'm at fault. I should've let you know" Seungri was kneeling on the floor. His face was red. "I was sick, i was dying. And i dont have the heart to tell you the truth. You were so fragile, my love. And that time leaving you was the only solution that time" he cried.

"And leaving me without any disclosure was a good thing?" I asked him, wiping my tears.

"Yes, i left you. But i came back, didnt i?" he said. 

"How about the pain? How about the time when you were not here?!" i screamed, hitting him, collapsing next to him. 

He then ed his shirt, revealing stiches on his body. 

"I fixed myself for you. forgive me baby, please. I'm well now and i need you to make me whole again" he begged again.

"And your eyes, nose, lips its haunts my memory, i cant forget you even if i die" I said, revealing how helpless i am without him. 

"I know babe. i know and i'm sorry" he pulled me into his arms and i cried my heart out. 

 

"So, you moving back to that house?" TOP's question bring me back to the reality. 

I nodded. 

My hand reached for the luggage and stand up. "I guess I got to move now" I said. 

He followed me to the front door. He grabbed my hand as i reached for the handle.

"Are you sure about this? Is this the best that you can think of? Are you sure?" he asked me, looking straight into my eyes.

"Let go, TOP" I begged him.

I didnt want to change my mind. i loved him, but i loved Seungri too. He needed me more than I need TOP.

 

Suddenly TOP pushed my bag out of his way, he pinned me to the door and moved inch by inch closer to me.

"Tell me you dont love me. Tell me you dont want to stay with me. Tell me you loved him" he growled under his breath.

i didnt have the power not to look at him, i dont have the will to push him away. 

"Dont to this to me. I'm not that strong, damnit!" i shouted, finally pushing him away.

"See! You clearly love me more! So why do you have to do this?" he shouted at me.

"Conscience, TOP! I need him!" I replied, talking my bag and ran out the door. 

"DONT LEAVE ME! YOU CANT LEAVE ME!" I heard him screamed before the elevator's door closed. 

 

 

"Honey... are you okay?" Seungri asked me as i arranged my stuff on the vanity. "Your mind seems occupied" he added.

I turned my head towards him and smiled. "It's nothing. Just some things at work" i lied.

"I know it's painful, baby. To be in a house which bring so much bad memories to you" he spitted out the words he had been keeping. 

My hands stopped working. I stood up and turned my body facing him.

"It's not about that, Seungri. You know it isnt. Just let me be for a while" i answered and walked to the bathroom.

 

"Dont" glass shattered to the floor.

I stopped walking.

"Dont leave me for him" he continued. 

i shook my head. "I said just let me be for a while" 

"I know your heart is wavering, but please stay strong. I cant live without you" he cried. 

"Did I say i'm leaving?" I asked him, annoyed by his repetitive words.

"You didnt. He did" he showed me my phone. 

It was TOP.

"He begged you to come home. Why would he did that? Here is your home" he put the phone down and started hitting his chest. 

I ran towards him. 

 "NO! Dont do that! Dont do this to me. I love you and nothing will change that" i pulled him to my arms, crying. 

"Never leave me.. promise me" he said, repeating it until he collapsed. 

"Seungri!" i called him out. 

 

The night was raining but peaceful. We lay on the bed, covering our body with the large blanket.

I laid my head on his chest. 

Thank god it was still beating. The doctor said he was under a lot of stress. He shouldnt be, especially after his operation. 

"Be well, baby. I cant lose you for the second time" i whispered.

"Have you guys ever kissed?" his question broke the silence. 

I remembered that night clearly, I cant bring myself to kiss TOP because it would be unfair to him. I didnt want to be selfish. 

"Never" i replied. I didnt need to explain it to Seungri. 

He let go a relieved sigh. "Dont worry, I'm still madly in love with you" i joked. 

Suddenlly loud banging on the door made me jumped.

we looked at each other and wondered who it is. But i somehow can guessed.

 

TOP was standing under the rain, drenched. 

"Angel... please come home" he said. 

I stood behind Seungri who was blocking me from him.

"Hyung. What is this?" Seungri said to him.

"I cant live like this, Seungri. Give her back to me" TOP said, running his finger through his hair.

"Hyung, go home. I cant do that. I'll die without her" Seungri replied. 

I was dumbfounded, standing like a stupid person. 

"No! Angel.. come with me. Let's go home" TOP insisted, he extended his hand to me. 

I started crying and shook my head. "Go home TOP. Dont do this to me" I somehow begged. 

My heart was aching. even if i was with the love of my life, TOP too was precious. I loved him too. 

"Hyung! You're crazy!" Seungri shouted and punched him.

He was standing under the rain, TOP was sitting on the walkway.

"No Seungri! Dont go to the rain!" I pulled him back. 

"TOP! Go home! Dont do this to yourself. You are only hurting yourself!" I said to him, slowly walking to him.

"You loved me, didnt you?" he asked me.

 

"Never. in a million years. Because we are bros. You said it yourself. I cant possibbly love my bro" I lied to TOP, to Seungri and to myself.