“If you wanna stay, stay. Don’t come and go as you will. Don’t treat me like a fool, bro!” I screamed at him.

“I’d never stay with a crazy girl like you! You are impossible! Crazy! Unpredictable as !” he screamed. “I don’t even want to be your bro! !” he said and with his strong hands, he pushed me and I fell on the couch.

“Damn it, Seunghyun! You gonna pay for that!” I screamed and stand up.

I marched towards him and punched his torso. He jerked and grabbed my shoulder. He pushed me till we reached the wall and readied his punch. I closed my eyes and anticipate the hurt. A loud shattering sound of mirror crawled to my eardrums.

He punched the mirror next to us.

“Crazy woman… why must you act crazy?” he whispered to me. He was going in for a kiss and I slapped him.

“This ain’t any drama, Seunghyun! You can’t kiss a person after hurting them and you surely cannot kiss a crazy woman you are leaving!” I screamed again. I removed myself to the kitchen and stayed there. Seunghyun froze at his last coordinate.

I looked at our home. The couch was a mess. The pillows were everywhere. My favorite vase was broken beyond repair next to the falling drapes. Drinks on the table were spilled and the books were distributed unevenly on the floor. The light blue walls did not bring peace to my heart after seeing all of this.

“Let’s breakup, Angel” Seunghyun murmured but clear enough to my ears.

“That would be the best for us” I supported his motion.

He walked out of the house but paused at the door “I hope you’re not here when I come back”

I moved out from the house after packing all my stuff. I cried the whole time. I emptied the whole cabinet of my clothes, my stuff in the bathroom I stacked in my box, my shoes too.

Leaving only my scent, I locked the door and tossed the keys into the dustbin at the lift lobby.

The drive was long and aimless. I can’t figure out where to go. Without him, I’m lost. I stopped my ride on the emergency lane.

Flashback

“She wants to be my wife” Seunghyun said to me across the food counter.

“Park Bom is it?” I guessed and turned to him, but my hands continued washing the dishes.

He nodded, staring blankly into my eyes.

“Then marry her. That would be the best for you guys. You’re in love, so just get on with it” I said and smiled, my hands were trembling inside the sink.

I turned off the tap and stopped what I’m doing. I walked to the living room and stand on the far edge of the couch, away from him and his harmful words.

I heard him let out a big sigh.

“But how about us, I can’t just leave you” he asked and turned his body to face me.

“Don’t say that. There’s no ‘US’ here. What we have is platonic. It will never change” I said, hugging my body, petrified by my own words.

“So all the kisses, the hugs?” he asked with his eyes wide open.

 

That afternoon, my phone rang. I woke up from my slumber and pick it up without looking at the screen.

“Hello” I said in advance.

“Hi Angel… it’s been a long time we haven’t speak to each other” the voice uttered.

My heart skipped a few beat.

“Are you okay?” he said to me.

“Normal as usual” I answered. My voice was trembling.

“Don’t you wish to talk to me anymore?” he asked, I heard anxiousness in his voice.

“Err…” before I finished my sentence, I heard someone calling for him. “I’m busy, I’ve got no time for idle talk” I said and end the conversation.

“When I meet my friends, it’s empty. When I talk, it’s empty. Because the person I want to talk to, the person I want to complain to, is not there” I said to myself as the tears gushed out of my eyes.

It’s painful when I’m stuck in the zone where he can’t make up his mind if I’m a woman or just a bro. We act like a couple, we live together, and we fought for stupid things daily. But still, we are nothing official. And to make it worse, Park Bom came into the picture and I was pushed back. I tried not to cry, but my body was trembling.

“This is stupid. He is stupid. How can I not want to talk to you? Seunghyun, you are everything to me” I whispered to myself and wiped the tears away.

 

The sun had gone to sleep as I wander the night. The city was filled with couples. I can barely watch them holding dearly their partner. The street lights were dimmed as if they understand my gloomy heart. It was a cold night; luckily I had my sweater on.

I came across a diamond store and stopped to gaze upon the bling. “Oh… that one is still available” I said in awe. I smiled.

Flashback

“Seunghyun, look at that ring, it is so pretty” I said to him, pulling him by the hood of his clothes.

The ring was like a tiara with three small sized diamonds attached to it.

“I want that from my future husband” I said and smiling coyly.

“Yeah I hoped he exist for your sake” he said slowly but loud enough for me to notice.

“You’re picking a fight, is it? I nudged him. He laughed and pulled me in.

“Don’t be mad, babe. If’s he’s not real, I’ll be your husband” he said.

“What in hell are you saying? Disgusting man” I said and pushed him away.

I was flattered to hear him say that but it’s impossible.

 

“Angel…” somebody just called me.

I turned to my left to found someone that was familiar to my eyes.

“Seung Ho…” I said his name.

“That’s a deep thought you have there. I’ve been calling you for quite some time” he said, smiled and approached me.

I rubbed my face and presented him a sweet smile. “Hahaha... I’m sorry about that. I’ve got a lot of things on my mind right now” I reacted and walk to same direction as him.

“Do you have time for coffee?” he offered.

I nodded.

“How’s life? After we graduated you are nowhere to be found. I heard you are with Seunghyun right now” he said, sipping his green tea after we settled down at a nearby café.

His statement hit me like a dagger but I keep a poker face.

“Where did you hear that ? We were never together. He’s with Park Bom” I said calmly, stirring my vanilla latte.

His aura changed.

“Are you okay?” I asked him.

“Hmm… I’m okay. Never better. Hahaha so what are you doing now?” he changed the topic.

“I’m working at an engineering company down this road. Just until I finish my master doctorate. How about you? How’s life?” I tried to drag the spotlight out of my dull life.

“Currently I’m working at my father’s dentistry. I’m his right hand. Love life; dull as a rock. Not interested in love stories since you rejected me back in college life” he laughed awkwardly.

While we were busy chatting, the café’s bell rang and a figure entered. I didn’t notice it was Seunghyun. As he approached our table, I can feel a different aura. I adjusted my bearing and I saw Seunghyun in his black blazer, holding his robe. I guess he just finished a trial.

“Angel…” he called me out.

Seunghyun… my voice was stuck in my throat.

“Hey Seunghyun, how are you?” Seung Ho said and stood up against him, he extend his hand for a shake. Seunghyun reached for it and gave him his diplomatic smile.

“I’m not in a good condition. I’m struggling and suffering because certain someone refuses to talk to me. It has been months” he answered Seung Ho’s question, but his eyes were glued on me.

“In that case, I’ll take my leave. I have some things to settle at the clinic” he excused himself and pick up his drink. He slit his card under my cup.

“Thank you for the treat, Angel. Hopefully we’ll meet again” he bowed and walks out.

“Should I laugh like nothing is wrong?” Seunghyun said when he took Seung Ho’s place.

I can’t seem to find the answer to his question.

“How have you been?” he asked.

“Each day passes by as if nothing’s wrong for me” I lied.

Mute.

“I want to run to you, but my ego. It’s hard for me too you know” he banged the table. I trembled a little bit.

“Angel, do you know you’re all that I have?”

“As if nothing wrong just move on” I said to him.

“I need you, in my life. Come back home” he begged.

“Come back to being nothing? You’re too mean. I’m trying to erase the memories of you. You’re making this hard FOR ME!!” I screamed.

Everybody in the café had their eyes set on us. Realizing that, I pick up my handbag, Seung Ho’s card and stood up wanting to leave. He suddenly grabbed my hand.

“I’m sorry” he said. “It’s hard. I can’t probably be without you. Like an idiot. Still… whenever I open my eyes, I think you’ll still be there. I’m sorry and i…” he stopped.

“I love you” he said and tears were falling.

“Don’t say that. Let’s just stay like this. You’re making it more painful, why?” I said and snapped my hand. I looked away from him.

“If you’re struggling like I am, can’t we make things a little easier? I should’ve treated you better when I had you” he whispered and I decided I can’t take more of his bull.

I walked fast out of the café, running towards the busy road. He’s impossible. He thinks I’m his booty call? To be there when he wants me and to be gone when he’s tired? He’s such a schmuck. I tumbled down at the corner, trying to avoid a trash can.

“This is too much for me. I’m a loser” I said to myself and cried my lungs out.

It started to rain.

“Angel…” I heard him calling.

My mind was playing tricks on me.

“Angel…” he grabbed my hand and pulled me to his body. His scent proved to me that this is real.

“If you are hurting too, why did you act like it is okay? Stop lying to me!” he said to my ears and kissed my forehead repeatedly.

“You are the stupid one! You keep talking about us to me, to my family, to yours but in the end you decided to be with her! You said you’ll be my husband but can’t decide if I’m a bro or a woman. You told me all your stories, what do you think I’ll feel about that? You even thought about marrying her. Are you stupid? Do you really think that I will feel nothing about all of this? We’ve been living together for a long time, Seunghyun. How could you possibly be so ignorant about my feeling? The way I act around you, why can’t you see?” I said, hitting his chest repeatedly.

“I’m sorry babe. I fear I will lose you if I tell you I loved you. I’m afraid I read you wrong. I’m afraid of everything. But losing you like this hurts more than I imagine. Please don’t leave me” he begged.

His stuffs were all over the pavement. His robe was drenched by the rain. His files suffered the same. People were staring at our soap opera, leaving us with smirks and smiles.

“Let’s go home, baby. Our home” he said and lifting my chin towards him. “And forever, stay with me” he said and sealed it with a kiss.