Sungyeol POV

But then the rumor broke. I won’t believe it, but my insecurity got the best of me. Who was I to think that Myungsoo could love me too? He loved some innocent looking girl with long wavy hair. Like how his girlfriend in rumor was. Somehow I ended up avoiding him. I couldn’t look at his eyes. I confused and mostly hurt, but who am I to feel like that? If I looked at Myungsoo, I would start to over thinking about everything and my head will hurt I just couldn’t hold it. It didn’t help that Sungjong believed that Myungsoo liked me. It made everything worse because it made me hope. I want to be angry, but to who? Sungjong just made an assumption and it was me who believed it. I want to talk with Dongwoo hyung but it will just worry him. I couldn’t talk to Sungjong because I knew I still felt a little angry no matter how wrong it was. I am too caught up with my own feeling that it was too late for me to realize that Myungsoo won’t stay still if I kept avoiding him.

And he approached me, cornered me, angrily in fact. We argued and even hit each other on the face. I couldn’t think straight, what I remember was he called me choding and he raised his voice at me. Despite how often I yelled, I just yell for the sake of it. But he raised his voice at me and I didn’t like it. And then he went and asked me something and I couldn’t answer it because if I answered it I would reveal my feeling for him. Thanks God Sunggyu decided to appear at that very moment. And everything went blur after that.

I kept avoiding him, but it seems that Myungsoo decided to let me be after that. But then his girlfriend went and revealed their relationship. The hell went loose then. We all really shocked honestly, but we decided not to mention it to Myungsoo because we knew he had already stressed as it was. I went to another state of confusion then. I just couldn’t understand why his girlfriend decided to revealed their relationship. Didn’t she know how bad the affect would be for Myungsoo? Didn’t she care? We went and performed despite the rumors going on. Our world tour still going on and it couldn’t affect us as it really was.

I could see how broken Myungsoo was that time. With our world tour going on, our condition had reached the bottom as it was, but Myungsoo had to deal with his rumor too. I am so conflicted, I wanted to hold him, I want to told him that I believe in him, I want to told him that I didn’t care anymore that he had a girlfriend, that he never told me, but I couldn’t because I loved him. Whatever I told him would be based on the fact that I wanted to be beside him because I loved him, not merely because I want to be, being his best friend and all. So I couldn’t approach him because it would be unfair for him, I would use the opportunity when he was vulnerable to satisfy my feeling and I couldn’t. Maybe he was still in relationship with his girlfriend. It was such a hell for all of us in different way, but we kept walking together as Infinite.

But then time to talk about it came to us. And talked he did. And he revealed that they had broken up. We were shocked and confused. So his girlfriend decided to reveal their relationship because they were broken up. And I couldn’t hate someone more than I hate her that time. I couldn’t think about how maybe she had suffered from the first time the rumor broke. I couldn’t think about how maybe she revealed their relationship because her heart broken. I couldn’t think about whatever the reason she decided to let the hell loose. I just could hate her for made Myungsoo so broken, for made their relationship so obvious the rumor started, for took Myungsoo away but broke him in the process.

I am so angry and confused I didn’t say anything at all. Until our conversation ended and I still in my spot, processing everything. I felt someone sit beside me, and that someone hold my hand. I looked at that someone and realize it was Sungjong. He smiled at me and talked softly.

“You know hyung, I thought it was about time you talked again with Myungsoo hyung. He needed you, much more than you believe”

And I knew he was right. It was about time I stop avoiding him. I nodded and start to walk to his bedroom.

“Hyung” Sungjong called me.

“Yes?”

“Remember what I have told you. I never wrong before and I believe I was right too this time. Myungsoo hyung loved you. He always did”

I stared at him and I understand what he tried to tell me.  I wanted it that way too, but I didn’t want to hope like last time. At the very least I want to befriend with Myungsoo again. I just want to be able to tell him about my feeling. But I didn’t dare to hope again. We talked and I am so happy I could talk with him again. I told him that I and Dongwoo hyung had broken up. I decided not to keep anything from Myungsoo because that was what exactly made us distant beside the fact that I loved him. But I still couldn’t tell him why exactly we had broken up. And then I went and asked him why he has broken up, he never say why in our conversation with the member.

“…Because I never loved her” now we stared at each other and everything Sungjong said began to replay in my head.

“Remember what I have told you. I never wrong before and I believe I was right too this time. Myungsoo hyung loved you. He always did”

“I never loved her, but she has power, you know who his father was right? She kept bugging me and threatening me with all sort of way to be my girlfriend”

“Ohh Myungsoo I am so sorry”

“But it was my fault too. I should reject her no matter what, that way maybe the problem won’t be this big. And honestly, when I accepted her, I am not in my right state” we kept our eye contact and he stared at me like he always did, and I realized how bad I missed his eyes.

“What do you mean you are not in your right state?”

“I can’t tell you yet” we stared at each other, and I understand that actually we both knew what the answer to our unanswered question were. I felt my heart getting warmer and I just want to keep our moment this way. We talked and talked and I hope I could just listen to his voice forever until we both fall asleep.