Coming to terms with loss is one of those things that no matter how much time has passed, simply cannot come naturally to a person. Sehun had always known this but he had never known that he would one day become that person experiencing it first-hand.

There was once a time where every day, every moment and every laugh was spent with Luhan but then just as abruptly as he had met Luhan, he lost him. Every reason for Sehun to wake up in the morning was gone just like that and he knew that he would probably never move on.

But he had been close, oh-so very close. If Sehun had a thesaurus catered to his life and personal opinions, there was only one special person he would want to consider synonymous to the word ‘idiot’ and that was Huang Zitao. He had been a fellow patient that Sehun had met when he was checked into Guangjing Hospital for attempted suicide; after countless mishaps, several misunderstandings and an excruciating number of run-ins, Zitao became the first person to make Sehun smile since arriving at the hospital. And Sehun had always found a smile to be more beautiful when shared.

In that same mental thesaurus of his, not only nouns had synonyms but also adverbs. ‘Almost’ is an adverb and almost was his kind next-door-neighbour Jongin. He was a gentle soul with brown hair and odd habits that varied from watching reruns of Keeping Up With the Kardashians at midday and living on cookies which Sehun later learned was the only edible thing that Jongin had the ability to make. (Sehun wouldn’t judge; the only edible things that could be found in his own kitchen were vitamin water and instant ramen.) Then somewhere amidst the slamming of doors and childish bickering, the two overcame their initial dislike for one another and Jongin invited him to a Lana Del Rey concert.

Have an amazing night, Jongin.

The brunet stood waiting at the concert venue, his eyes focused on the ticket in his hand. He didn’t notice when the first snowflakes of winter began to fall from the sky.

I’m sorry.

The blond stood alone on the footbridge amidst the bright city lights. The wind blew through his hair as he closed his eyes, ignoring the sounds of the zooming cars below and the bustling crowd around him.

This was what Sehun liked – being one with nature. There was only one other person he would have enjoyed the company of at times like this but that person wasn’t there. He wasn’t even at a concert venue. Luhan had become a mystery that Sehun was yearning to solve.

His eyes snapped open when he heard his message ringtone play. After shaking the snowflakes out of his blond hair, he reached into his pocket and read the message he had just received.

From: Handsome Cool Bro

To: King Hun

Sehun? I’m still waiting for you to show up! T^T

In all honesty, Sehun had forgotten about Suho’s Christmas party. However, it was Christmas after all so if his dear friend wished for him to be present then there he would be. The pro gamer may not have been many things but he was certainly loyal. (At least if he could remember to be.)

By the time he showed up at Suho’s mansion, he discovered that it was already that time of the night where the guests had begun to proceed into the ballroom. He peeked in through the grand ballroom doors and sure enough, he saw many couples dancing to the musical sounds of the orchestra. Sehun didn’t bother to stifle his laughter when he saw Suho doing the waltz with his lilac-haired girlfriend and oh, goodness, was Suho seriously wearing a Christmas jumper? He looked completely out of place amongst everyone else who were dressed in formal wear although Sehun was one to talk in his overly casual dark winter coat and skinny jeans.

The blond decided not to get involved with any dancing that night so he headed for the champagne table instead. He was about to reach for one of the many glasses when a hand beat his and took it first. Frowning deeply, Sehun looked up at the owner of the hand; his scowl disappeared at once. “Luhan… It really is you.”

The named boy smiled good-naturedly and handed the champagne glass to Sehun. “Have we met?”

Of course we’ve met; we grew up together.

You showed me that your sanctuary was the bridge above the River Lei; you’re the reason I linger on every bridge I’m on.

My entire universe is you; I am and always have been in love with y—

“No,” Sehun said finally. “I don’t think that we have.”

—you… It was always about you.

It took all of Sehun’s courage not to break down the moment that he said it but what other choice was there? This couldn’t be the same Luhan he had known and loved. His fluffy hair was blond instead of the natural black colour that he had always sported during their childhood. His wrist had no bracelet matching the one Sehun wore every day. And above all, he didn’t recognise Sehun. He didn’t even know him. So no, Luhan hadn’t met him before. Had he?

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, um…”

“Sehun. My name is Sehun.”

Luhan nodded and picked up another champagne glass to clink against the one in Sehun’s hands. “Merry Christmas, Sehun!” He downed the contents of the glass in one shot before placing it down on the table again. “I’m going to dance now. Enjoy the rest of your night!”

And then Luhan left. Once again, he walked out of Sehun’s life without giving the boy a chance to stop him.

Sehun, still clutching onto the champagne glass, glanced over at the direction of the ballroom where he saw Luhan in the arms of another as the two slow-danced together. He looked so happy, so in love, so content.

“Merry Christmas, Luhan.”

He drank his champagne all at once and turned away from the ballroom without looking back. “Okay, Sehun,” he told himself. “That’s enough.”

And this time it wasn’t just Luhan walking away from Sehun. It was Sehun walking away from the past and headi