AN: Completing this story here.  I really wasn't planning on coming back to this website.  But it's 7am and I haven't slept so I figured why not.  Maybe I'll come back to my other stories in the future and try some new things. Maybe I'll write a comedy or add m-rated scenes.  Who knows ;)

But for now, this one needs closure.

Enjoy ~

April 22nd, 2017

If anyone is still reading...

I'm writing this as I bid my perfect angel of a girlfriend goodnight.  I love her in every way I could think of and waking up with her bare skin brushing against mine is the best feeling I have ever had the pleasure to feel.  There's just something amazing about sleeping with the girl you love, , comfortable, exposed and completely tangled in a mess of bedsheets that smell like her.

And she's not you.

It's been a good ten years of friendship for us and I don't regret anything that has happened in between.  That day... When I told you that I loved you, I anticipated almost exactly what actually happened.

I knew my feelings weren't going to be returned but that you would try to avoid hurting me.  I knew I was going to go home that night and proceed into a year and a half of crying fits and unreasonable panicking.  Uncontrollable and unbearable disappointment in myself followed.  I put so much of my time and life into us, hoping for something good to come out of it and on that night, I wanted to undo all of it.

I thought I would never be okay again; that I would never be able to love properly and fully because I lost some of myself to you.  I was partially right.

I do remember moments between us from time to time and it's like being stabbed in the throat.  It's a particularly frequent event when I'm on the subway going home.  I still tear up when I smell certain scents because they remind me of you.  I still feel sick to my stomach when I see you for the first time in a day.  It was such a stupid teenage crush, full of confused feelings and first times but it felt so ing painful that I could barely function for a year after that.

In that year, we attended the same university and I hoped to avoid seeing you every day.  I took alternate paths to my classes, crossed the street to avoid interaction and sometimes I couldn't even get myself out of bed.  I wanted to die. But not nearly as bad as I had wanted it in highschool.

But other than that, the years spent torturing myself over my feelings for you taught me how to love someone.  It taught me how to take care of myself and how to accept the help and warmth of another person with every fibre in my being.  I learned how to appreciate the smallest things and how to get over the worst problems.

I'm permanently damaged in some ways, sure.  But I'm happy.  I'm the happiest that I have ever been.  I have all that I have ever asked for and that is someone to love and for that person to love me back equally.  The cracks in my heart haven't disappeared and they won't.  But I hold them there as artefacts of our past.

We don't talk much anymore but I think we've made peace with each other.  I still love you as the beautiful individual that you are and I give you my best wishes for whatever you face in the future.  My friendly shoulder is available to you and I would hope that you know I support you.

Thank you for showing me how to love and be patient.  Your lessons led me to someone I want to spend the rest of my life with and we would be happy to lend you our helping hands if you ever find yourself in need of a friend.