CL's POV

"Oh, you came."

At that, his smile that held so much sadness gains traces of genuine humor. I'm not even sure what's so funny to him, but I don't have to ask either. He easily sees the confusion written on my face. He explains, "That's exactly what I said to you all those years ago when you walked in on me . Of course, you were still a trainee back then."

I, too, smile at the memory that is hard to forget. My shy teenage self had accidentally barged in on Seunghyun while he'd been in the process of changing into clothes. Both our eyes had gone as wide as saucers before he finally spoke, trying to play it off cooly. "I'll never understand why you were changing out in the open when you could've just used the bathroom."

"Me neither, if I'm being honest," he admits, a blush tainting his cheeks like they usually would when he's embarrassed. Then, as if he catches himself, he gestures to my long white gown with his hand in an up and down motion. "You look stunning, by the way."

I let out a light laugh. If he'd uttered those words to me just three years ago, I'd be the one that's red in the face and trying to avoid the subject. Now, circumstances have changed as have I. My feelings for Seunghyun have diminished into another type of love. "Every girl is supposed to look glamorous on her wedding night." 

"No, I mean it. You make me feel-"

"Seunghyun." My voice is soft but stern; a warning that now is neither the time nor place. From now on, the time will never come. This is something I've told myself constantly for I know this is the only way we can carry on. "Let's keep it light."

"I'm sorry, CL." His head bows slightly, whether it be in apology or shame, making his hair fall over his eyes. After trying to stay strong for so long, he's slowly breaking right before me. And I feel terrible about it all.

"Hey, don't worry about it, alright? It's okay," I assure him. Carefully, I lift his chin before replacing my hand at my side. It hurts to see him torn like this, even more so when I know he'll probably feel worse later. He'd overthink everything he's done tonight and beat himself up over it. I need to change the topic. "Let's dance."

His protests fall on deaf ears as I all but drag him by the hand over to the dance floor. I know better than to lead him to the centre, so I settle for the side where we'll be blocked from onlookers by the other dancing couples. The song that the band plays is unfamiliar to me, but it's nice and slow and filled with words of promises of everlasting love. 

I rest my right hand on Seunghyun's shoulder, now very aware of our height difference, while his left one goes around my waist. Our free hands link to the side as we sway along to the piano that's most prominent in the melody. I silently pray that neither of us steps on each other's foot due to our lack of experience in formal dance. 

"How have you been?" I question with real spikes of curiousity. He'd really been under the radar since his return from the army three months ago, only calling or texting once in a while. I'd been worried about him, but Jiyong had promised me that he was safe. Never that he was happy, but simply that he wasn't in harm's way. I suppose that with a guy like Seunghyun, that was the best you could ask for. 

"Fine."

I sigh, "Be honest."  

"How was I supposed to be? So ecstatic that I was riding on a unicorn through a field of flowers?" he retorts, anger seeping into his voice that begins to get loud. I soothe the adjacent couple's worried look with reassuring smile. "I was just fine."

"You were not fine," I say, halting my motions. He's most obviously angry with me, as I suspected he would be, but there's some underlying emotion present as well. "You need to stop holding things in, Seunghyun. It won't be good for your mental health and you'll start pushing more people away like you've already done to me."

"I didn't push you away," he disagrees. "At least, it wasn't by choice. It was something that had to be done. How could I even entertain the idea of hiding what I really felt for you because you were with someone else? I have no control over what I feel and pretending to feel a certain way is not me."

"It's not a secret," I point out. Anyone can see the way he looks at me now and be led to believe that he's my groom tonight. They'd think that he was the one who'd gotten down on one knee and asked my hand in marriage just months prior. They'd think these things until they'd look at me and see that it's not the same. 

"I've been drinking it all away," he confesses after a while. Our hands fall to our sides as we look each other straight in the eyes. He doesn't smell of alcohol now, but I know he's telling the truth. He'd always be the one to bury his problems with liquor. Never had his home been without a bottle. "I lost you. I knew it from the time my letter got no response. Tonight's just confirmation of that fact."

"I loved you first."

"I know."

And I'm glad he does because maybe he'll be able to find comfort in that. That, however, isn't for certain. He could very well take fault for not reciprocating my feelings earlier on, leaving a wide margin to be filled. His enlistment only increased that gap between us and I'd inevitably begun to get over waiting. I didn't like the feeling of being left to ponder whether I'd been wrong or made some kind of mistake. Ironically enough, I'd left him waiting, too. 

Exactly one year without him, a letter had come. I had recognized his scribbly handwriting immediately, there's no other like it, and opened it. It'd been filled with confessions of love and loyalty. Apology after apology had been written until the page was filled. I'd read through the entire thing, tears freely falling as I went until I decided against it. I didn't want someone who couldn't say something at the right time. So I'd gathered myself and dried my tears. And, just like that, I carried on with my day. I never looked at that letter again.

Mere days had passed before I'd been greeted with a kind smile while entering a coffee shop. We recognized each other right away. He was delighted to see me and we'd gotten talking for hours about any and everything. Whatever came to my mind was let out to the man before me who listened without judgement. I'd never recalled myself to be one who would even think of sharing so much of myself to anyone, but it had been as natural as breathing. 

Falling in love with him had been easy; a free fall through the air with no worries of where or how I'd land. I knew he'd be there. That was the key to my acceptance of his proposal that rainy Sunday night at his house when we were both clad in pyjamas. Thoughts of no one else crossed my mind, it was just him. 

I turn back to Seunghyun with a small smile as the song comes to an end and take a step back, "You're a great guy and I'll never want to lose you because you've been a good friend. But if it's not too much to ask...I want you to find a nice girl and tell her how you feel while you feel it. Forget about me and only think of her, you'll at least owe her that much."

He mouth opens and closes continuously as he tries to find words. Eventually he shakes his head slightly, dubiously, "I don't know if I can do that."

"You can," I encourage, taking his hand in my own once more and giving it a light squeeze. I offer what little comfort I can. "Don't blame yourself for anything, either. Like you said, we can't control what we feel."

"I really can't-"

"Please try, for me." 

And he agrees only because I asked. I wish he'd stop doing things because I wish it, but I figure he'll work on that with time. Only time will change him for the better and allow him to move on as I have. "I will."

"Thank you," I bow my head slightly. And to make him rest easy, I say, "He's a good guy. He'll take care of me."

"I know," he nods. "After all, he was my friend first."

And, as if on cue, my husband steps up beside me. Unconsciously, he gathers my hand in his and interlock our fingers as he greets Seunghyun who replies politely before excusing himself with a promise of meeting us again later. I don't know when that 'later' will be, but I do know that he'll keep his word. 

"Everything alright?" Jaejoong inquires curiously. 

"Why wouldn't it be?" I reply softly, lacing my arms around his neck as he hugs me. He bends to kiss my lips tenderly and my heart flutters because he's mine. Mine to love, understand and learn with every day. I giggle when I recall him saying that he had been called to dance with his sisters, but that was almost a half hour ago. "Did you dance with all the women in South Korea while you were gone?"

"No, just all eight of my sisters who couldn't stop giving me advice during the dances," he tells me with slight annoyance in his voice. I know he adores them, but they can sometimes be a bit overprotective of their younger brother. "They all told me to be good to you as if there is any other way to treat my absolutely breathtaking wife."

"And here I thought they were going to threaten me," I joke, feeling the effects of the way he addressed me as his wife even as I speak. It brings an unimaginable amount of joy to my heart. Again, I raise my head to kiss him passionately for the nth time tonight. 

"Aren't we supposed to wait for the honeymoon, Chae?" he grins cheekily after pulling back sooner than I wanted. I swear that I heard someone wonder if babies were going to be made on the dance floor; I'd bet all my money that Seungri is guilty of those words.

"I love you, Jaejoong," I declare. We begin swaying to the music together, holding on to each other closely, while I rest my head on his shoulder. "More than everything in this world combined."

"I love you, too, Chaerin-ah," his lips pull up at the corners contentedly. His good looks are at an ethereal level tonight due to the sheer happiness that's radiating off him. His black eyes practically shine with ecstasy and I'm completely sure that it's the same for me. I adore him. "But you already knew that didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Good, so let's dance a bit more before we take our leave."

As we continue dancing, my eyes catch Seunghyun leaving through the side doors and I silently wish nothing but the best for him. It's what he deserves. 

Thank you for reading ^_^