I woke up to the sound of the metal door’s whiny greeting. I resisted the urge to squirm, as I heard the muffled sound of voices. “Ah she’s still asleep,” Namjoon’s voice hushed to a whisper, but in the oppressive silence of the concrete brick I was living in, it was still easy to hear their voices. However, once they were whispering I lost track of who was who, since I wasn’t familiar with any of them enough to distinguish voices, especially at such a low volume.

“Of course she’s still asleep, poor thing must be exhausted.”

“Don’t feel sorry for her, Hobie.”

I did my best to stay still and quiet as they shuffled into the room, the steel door slamming shut to indicate their final arrival. It was hard to pick up on some of their voices, but they seemed to continue their debate on what exactly to do with me. There was something oddly comforting that they were just as lost as I was.

“The last two were happy to be here.”

“They knew who we were.”

“Would it be better if we told her?”

“It doesn’t mean anything anymore, anyway. Let’s not.”

“Namjoon, don’t get attached, she’s not here forever.”

“At least this one’s smart, unlike the last ones. She can actually hold a conversation.”

“That doesn’t change the reason she’s here.”

“I should wake her up.”

There was an oppressive silence that filled the room then, and my heart sank. I had fully comprehended my role in this house, but now it was finally sinking in. I was just nineteen years old, and I had been pulled from my home in order to be a potential glorified egg donor for Kim Jon Un’s new world order. It was too much, and I instinctively tucked my legs up closer to my chest.

“Yah,” a deep voice raised to a normal volume, “You kids are too noisy, as always. Looks like you woke her up.”

I groaned slightly as I began to sit up, my cover blown. As I was planning to give them a proper greeting, my still blurred vision was obscured, a shadow cast over me in the low yellow light. I looked up and saw the blank face of Jungkook. “Come on, get up,” he spoke flatly, reaching out to roughly grab me by the elbow.

I frantically looked around, but only one pair of eyes dared meet mine. It was Taehyung, the silent one, who watched me in a mixture of pity and curiosity. Hobie’s face finally turned to look at me once I had stumbled to my feet, “Can’t you give her a minute, Kookie?” he asked weakly.

“It’s better this way,” Jungkook spoke quietly, not even bothering to stop as he dragged me back to the rear room that I had yet to see. The door shut with an ominous thud, casting the smaller room in temporary darkness as my eyes adjusted to the lower light. Jungkook had let me go, crossing the room to rifle through a drawer on the other side of the room next to a proper bed, very different from the military style cots in the main space.

“Uh,” I finally found my voice, however lame it sounded.

He seemed to find what he was looking for, swallowing what looked like a pair of pills before glancing at me for a brief moment. It was a strange thing, really. His facial features were so soft, perhaps because he was just as young as me. The hard look in his eyes didn’t belong there and I would have bet money that his smile was brilliant. I wondered if I would ever see it. In this state, I doubted it. “Take off your shorts,” he spoke curtly again, and my mood took a rather abrupt turn for the worse.

“I…” I stammered, all semblance of confidence and bravado shattered at the reality facing me. My back hit the cold metal door as I attempted to take a slow step backward.

Jungkook sighed heavily, looking away from me, “Just be quiet and let’s get this over with,” I could hear the agitation rise in his voice. I saw the corner of his upper lip twitch upward as he watched me impatiently, a frightening deadness in his eyes.

In the end, there was no talking my way out of it. There was no escape. In retrospect, it was rather considerate for him to make it quick, but in that moment I felt nothing but fear, shame, and disbelief. I kept my eyes shut throughout the entire ordeal. There was no pleasure or love involved. It’s not like I expected any of these things, but it was the loss of my ity- something that had been advertised to me as some great and significant moment in my life. And yet, there I was, curled up on a strange bed all alone. Jungkook had escaped the room instantly when he was done with me. from the waist down, I felt myself shaking slightly. I honestly had no idea whether I was cold, or if it was just my body’s reaction to the ordeal. Time passed, but I couldn’t bring myself to move. I could hear voices through the crack in the door, but I couldn’t understand a word. I could hear sobbing, and I at least was confident they weren’t mine. My tears were silent, streaming from my eyes to the plain sheets of the bed. No matter how hard I tried to rationalize what had