It was a beautiful afternoon. We made our way to a clearing in the forest, and I noticed the leaves beginning to turn shades of yellow, orange, and red. The impending season had mostly announced itself with dropping temperatures and biting winds, but I was glad to see the more pleasant side of autumn starting to really show. With blankets and food at the ready, a very modest picnic of pulled pork sandwiches, rice, and kimchi had been thrown together for our impromptu outing. Once we were all set up, it pretty much started out exactly like as if we were home, albeit a bit more chatting and laughing since the food was a bit lighter. Then again, the sunlight and gentle breeze was a nice change. The concrete box got a bit stuffy and suffocating at times, and just being able to sit out in the open for a while was refreshing. It made me understand Hobie’s habit of disappearing for a while for the express purpose of getting outside. I found myself seated on my wool blanket, nestled between Yoongi and Hobie, as I always was at dinner time. Unlike our usual orientation, however, we were all situated in a loose circle, allowing me to watch and observe the rest of our party. It was a nice, quiet serenity there, having the whole group together outside of the compound. Normally dinner was a rather quiet, tired affair- the last thing we had to do in the day before getting much needed sleep. But that day was something of a rare gift. Everyone was able to relax, take their time, and enjoy the environment and the company.

For the past month, or was it months? It was hard to tell, there was very little to keep track of the passage of time. Anyway, for my entire stay with these guys, I had sort of taken over as their center of attention. I was bright, interesting, new, and exciting. In a way that was kind of nice. It was comforting to have their concern and care at all points in time, but things had calmed down with time. And in a totally different way, that was way better than being the center of attention. Instead, I had just become a part of their little family, blending in with the crowd. They were free to go about their normal routines, just with me involved here or there. It was a subtle difference, but it was noticeable. It made me happy to feel like I belonged. With those thoughts in mind, I scanned the circle, my eyes first finding Namjoon and Jin, huddled close to one another, talking excitedly about something. I always loved seeing how Jin’s large almond eyes practically shone in their sockets whenever he was speaking to Namjoon, his small, normally restrained smile fighting to take over his entire narrow face. And Namjoon’s dimples were never quite so pronounced on his round cheeks as when he was sitting and laughing with Jin. It was rather heartwarming to see them happy together despite everything that had happened to them. As much as my relationship with Jin had improved drastically and I spent a lot of time with Namjoon, it wasn’t exactly something we talked about. Don’t get me wrong, I was insanely curious about the nature of their relationship, but it just didn’t seem appropriate to ask. Jin had wanted something of a romantic affair, but Namjoon had seemed unsure of his own feelings. Regardless of the agreement they had made consciously or instinctively, they looked happy, so the last thing I wanted to do was meddle.

Jungkook was seated on the other side of Jin, stuffing his face as if the food would disappear if he didn’t downright inhale it. It was a rather silly sight, his last third of his sandwich disappearing into his mouth in one go, stretching his cheeks to accommodate the food. He wasn’t even done swallowing it before he started plucking pieces of the fermented cabbage out of his bowl and shoving them into his mouth as well. I had to suppress audible laughter as I watched him, his eyes mostly obscured by his dark hair as he was hunched over his food. Eventually he must have felt my eyes on him, as he suddenly lifted his head to meet my eyes, his mouth still full. His pouty lips pulled downward for a moment before he hastily raised his wrist to his face to cover his mouth, his eyes squinting slightly along with his hidden smile. When he removed his hand, his face had returned to normal, his wide, even teeth visible in his grin. ‘Creep’ he mouthed to me while shaking his head. I couldn’t help but smile back, rolling my eyes at him dramatically. His attention returned to his food- or it would have if there were any left. He frowned momentarily before shrugging very slightly. And then, he flopped backwards onto the grass, no doubt enjoying the last of the evening sun. Taehyung, who was seated next to him gave him a quick jab in the side, sending both of them into a fit of giggles, Jungkook squirming under his friend’s relentless pestering.  He offered me a little wave when he caught me watching, his wide horizontal smile as cheerful as ever. It made a lot of sense why he and Hobie were close. They were both incredibly uplifting people. Taehyung had been incredibly sweet to me when he was mute, and I was just a touch saddened that he didn’t dote on me quite as much as he used to. On the other hand, it was nice to see him properly interacting with everyone else, even if he had the propensity to be noisy. Sometimes he would just randomly start making indiscriminate noises when the compound got too quiet. Even so, he was often rather insightful when we did talk. The guy was very observant, and he didn’t have much of a filter before speaking, which was often a blessing in disguise. He didn’t hold my gaze long as he felt the need to return to his task of bothering Jungkook. Taehyung wasn’t known for having the longest of attention spans, either.

Immediately to my left was Hobie, who actually looked uncharacteristically melancholy. I was used to seeing a bright smile on his long face, showing off his narrow teeth, his eyes curved into upward crescents. Instead, in that moment his face was slack, his eyes wearily looking down at his mostly untouched food. I couldn’t bring myself to break my silent observation, so I refrained from speaking in lieu of watching him, wondering what could bring the bright sunshine of Hobie down. His mouth hung open just slightly, his breathing slow and deliberate, as if each breath were a burden. He pushed around his rice with his chopsticks, clearly having no intention to eat anything more. At long last I wanted to speak, to ask him what was wrong, but there was something about his face that was just telling me to stay quiet, to leave him alone. It was agonizing to watch him like that. His eyes flicked for just a moment, catching me in the act of staring at him, widening as they met mine. A weak, forced smile pulled at his lips, his mouth clicking shut. I knew it was his way of telling me that he was fine, but there was no way I was going to believe him. But then I thought back to the last time he had comforted me. So instead of outright asking him what was on his mind, I simply offered him a bright smile of my own, reaching out to rest a hand on his knee. Quickly he looked down at my hand, visibly surprised by the gesture. I was rewarded when he looked up at me, a slightly more genuine smile finally reaching his eyes. It was nothing compared to his usual goofy grin, but I was at least confident that he would come to me if he wanted to talk. When I raised an eyebrow at his food, he humored me by taking an exaggerated bite out of his sandwic