i'm quite active these days, am i not? haha~

idek why. it's just that i get creative at times i should be sleeping and then i update immediately, so that's why they're not that perfect because before i always checked and had time but now i don't. i write, post and hope people comment that it's okay. lol.

another thing.

my sister and me are okay. we've always had this hate-love relationship and right now it's more love. we talk about a lot of things and i'm happy she tells me things my parents don't know. i'm happy she trusts me because i really felt betrayed when it came out she smokes and i always kind of knew it and she didn't tell me.

now i know she's not a anymore and that she did many things i'd never do. it's kind of embarrassing when she says that she got laid before me (because i'm still a ). she laughs always at that but that's me. i get kind of scared and freaked out whenever people want to hug me or hold my hand. (just saying, she looked at me like i was an alien when i told her that.)

now she wants me to meet her friends so i'll get people i can talk to (because i always keep everything to myself) but they're younger and my sister's friends and i don't feel good with them. (i'm shy and all that and they won't be happy when i tell them i love kpop.)

the thing with my parents tuned down. sometimes i still feel pressured and then i get a bad headache but it's okay. we don't argue that much often anymore and i feel okay.

what helps me with this a lot is sunggyu's voice. whenever i listen to his songs or just hear him talking i feel good. his voice has this thing in it that makes me feel at ease right away. i always admired him (he's my secret bias since some time now) and i feel really good as a fan being able to love his voice to the extend that just alone hearing him speaking makes me go high up and feel free.

this sounds cheesy (namtree rubs off on me okay?) but it's true. sunggyu's voice is special just like jongwan's voice (nell). both their voices give me goosebumps and make me smile and cry without feeling sad or happy.

(i'm sorry for talking so much about myself but i feel like sharing this. lol. i'm weird. i'm sorry.)

btw, NELL'S RELEASING A WINTER SINGLE AND OMFG DID YOU SEE THE TEASER I WAS GRINNING AND ALMOST CRYING BECAUSE IT' SOUNDS SO ING BEAUTIFUL WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS TO ME JONGWAN YOUR VOICE UGH AND THE SOUND OF THE GUITAR (it was a guitar wasn't it) SOUNDED SO PERF AND OMFG I'M NOT READY OTL