i just need to rant for a bit.

...

it's been one hell of a day.

it started off nice with a bunch of people wishing me 'happy birthday' and it made me cry because i felt loved you know. but my younger brother overslept today and when my parents came home they let their anger out on me and i honestly just feel hurt. my dad wanted to congratulate me but i just was pissed. I shrugged him off and apologize and went to my room. i didn't do anything today.

then my dad was pissed because we're in debt and we're doing nothing while he must work his of so he came into my room (i was barely awake) and grabbed my phone, turned it off and it was gone.

he did the same to my sister.

so i stayed awake, and got kinda ready because i had an appointment at the daycare to get my documents signed for school (you don't know how happy i am! i thought they wouldn't take me in too qwq). but it was just 11am so i had to wait till i could get all that ready because the appointment was at 2pm.

so i sat there in the kitchen and did nothing and waited. i didn't even eat anything. i think the only thing i drank was water. i still was pissed.

at 12:30 my mom came into my room (max was already asleep so i went to my room) and apologize and explained why my dad's been acting like this and told me happy birthday but i didn't accept it. i told her i didn't accept my dad's either.

when i was finished i apologised by my parents(i just felt i needed to be the one apologising) and gave them a kiss on the cheek and my dad drove me to the daycare. we took selfies with my youngest sister katharina and it was kinda fun.

but we came home again. and idk. i just felt that today isn't a good nor a special day. what was even the point of people greeting and congratulating me when i didn't even deserve it? i do treasure it but it's just.. idk.

well that's it. after that my parents drove away and left me with my three youngest siblings alone. laura went off to some prom too and so was really alone with the task to take good care of my siblings. you don't know how often i felt so ty and just wanted to cry but i couldn't in front of the kids. so i didn't and waited patiently for my parents. they came at 21pm or smth like this and i straight went to bed. i just didn't want to deal with anything. and then i fell asleep.

and i woke up almost half an hour before with my mother asking me if i wanted some cake. they bought cake, i saw it when they came back, but i declined. she was the only one awake why would i need a piece of cake. and she was tired so yeah.

then she asked me if i wanted a piece of pizza because they made pizza and i didn't want to because i'm still pissed that life's so ing ty.

i knew it'd be like this. i knew i didn't have to expect anything because that's just how things are for me but i saw all the mentions on twitter and they were so nice so i thought "why not?" and that's really the mistake. i should've stayed away from sns maybe i wouldn't be crying in the kitchen again then.... and i don't care about presents, i give a about that. but for my brother's girlfriend they made much more efforts and i'm my parents child not her. i just wanted them to celebrate me only this day of the year.....

i think this is my worst birthday ever. like no one even caring because i just am nothing special. at least the day's almost over like only 3 minutes and i'm off the hook and i can forget about this.

i seriously just want to fall asleep and don't wake up for a few days from now.