so. i think it's nothing new but i'm going on hiatus. i've been on semi hiatus (if i recall it right) since the beginning of this year because i had things to do for school but now it's different.

i've played with the thought of quitting writing since i went on semi hiatus. it's not becaue of haters or not getting as much comments as i want or anything like this. i've just been asking myself if i'm happy doing this. and if i still have fun. and if this all helps me in some way.

while thinking this i got depressed. not to the extend to really fall into depression again but if i've kept it in any longer, then it might've happened. and this makes me sad.

i've never thought of writing as something bothersome. it's fun to think about stories, write them down and like/love the outcome. and then, maybe, receive the readers opinions to it. (i personally adore everyone that takes their time to write comments!)

but like i said. i started to question myself, i even thought about me not being good enough and posted things without even thinking about anything, not feeling anything. it's frustrating. i suffered writer's block because of that. i still managed to update tbly but my oneshot collcetion really suffers a lot. the story i wrote for that (that is almost done) is a rather sad one and it's just ... i dont know. i hate it. i don't like to write about sad things. even if i do write about them i already knew beforehand it had to be done, you know? but with that one i didn't know, i just tipped and the outcome isn't to my liking at all.

to add to me being fristrated as hell, i've major problems within the family.

so maybe you can probably imagine what i'm going through. and if not, it's okay, you don't have to imagine. (what am i even saying?? i don't make sense.)

however, even if i played with that thought, quitting writing forever, i just can't. because i have this wonderful unnie, who supported me since i was a rookie writer here and never stopped believing in me and cheering me on. and this isn't something to make up for "i can't write anymore". it's the real thing. she's the most precious person i've ever met through the internet. i'm only here with all of my stories because of her and even though she only reads my few yeoljong ones she's superrrrrrr supportive.

i talked to her about this, asked her what her opinion in this matter is and she's so sweet, telling me she cries because of me saying things like this to her, but she also said "it's okay if you quit. as long as you're happy i'm okay." like, hell, i love her. (man, i'm crying.)

many probably think "wtf" because this is such a big deal to me but seriously guys, there's always this one person in your life you don't want to disappoint, right? and that's what she is to me. someone i don't want disappoint, not now, not ever.

in the end her words made me make up my mind. before that i talked to another firend that helps me through a lot stuff, telling the reall deal, that she wanted to quit too but re-thoguth it. and that's why i've decided to take a break. i don't know how long this break will be or if i'll ever come back as a writer, but what i know is that my stories will stay with all the memories and great experiences i gained through aff. sure, i had my downs with some of my stories but in the end i had fun and that's what counts. they may not be good for some but i treasure them, i love them, they're my work and if i wouldn't love them who would, right?

and i won't disappear, i'll still log in once in a while and talk to you, so if you think i don't treasure the friends i gained here too then you're wrong. i'll chat with whoever who wants to chat and i'll still read stories and will leave comments. just writing.... that's the only thing i can't do for you.

for those who requested stories, like extended versions of one of those prompts i once did, if i won't come back and write them myself you can always write them for yourself. i'll make sure to check them out and leave feedback!

(i feel like a celebrity now. haha. i'm weird.)

so, yeah, that's it.

just wanted to tell you i'm on break from writing.

though, i'll finish tbly and i'll post that one sad oneshot for the yeoljong story collection. that's the least i can do.

/sighs

that's really it.

thanks to everyone who supported my fics up until now. i really won't ever be able to repay what you did for me but know that i'm thankful to every single one of you out there!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

I LOVE YOU!

AND I'M SORRY FOR THOSE WHO WAITED FOR NEW STORIES FROM ME. I'M REALLY SORRY. AND I REALLY WANT TO SAY THIS ISN'T A GOODBYE FROM ME AS AN AUTHOR BUT I CAN'T. I HOPE YOU WON'T HATE ME....

i'm really sorry..

- hanie