Don't be good to me.
Around this time of year last year, I met a guy who meant the world to me, a guy I experienced a lot of firsts with. Let's call him S, alright? He was just like me, broken by the world and was intoxicated by the idea of only love could heal a torn up soul. He fit me better than my favourite sweaters, he made me feel beautiful and happy, and more importantly, I loved someone for the first time and the feeling was mutual. Long story short, his life got ahead of him and to survive Junior College, he had to leave me behind.
These scars I have on my arms remind me to not fall in love again. I spent 5 months mending my own heart, forgetting S. He took a lot from me, like when someone leaves you, they actually take parts of your heart with them. Since day 1 he left, I hadn't been able to talk to people properly and get into any other relationships. Everyone felt the same, they weren't S. And that is, somebody who agrees on the 'thru thick and thin love' and not the typical 'hey you're cute love'. I pushed everyone away.
And today, history has a funny way of repeating itself. I was meant to cross paths with a guy named K. He seems like a good guy, funny, and tall. Surprisingly, I let my walls down though it's been less than 1 day since I know him. Isn't that crazy? Opening up and cracking up jokes with strangers are not the things that I do on regular basis. Why him, I thought. Am I finally meeting someone who means the world to me again?
Will my hollow heart be full again? I don't know. If I hadn't met S before, maybe I wouldn't be who I am around K. I'm scared, I can feel myself getting attached to K. Frankly, I don't want to fall into a bottomless pit called love again. I don't want to stand another round of pain, it hurts too much.
S, why did I have to meet you? It scares me to be in love now. I'm crying, my heart is aching. I long for you, I ing miss you. 10 months older yet I still love you like the way I loved you before.
K, please, don't make me fall for you unless you plan on catching me. Stop being good to me, don't be good to me anymore. I hope you'd be cold to me, so that I don't have to have my hopes so high in the sky and get hurt in the end. I don't have the confidence to kneel my knees and be hurt by love. I've had enough, now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it.
That's it for my ty love story. *sigh*
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