Chasing Over Seohyun's Love

Title (5/5): The title was good. It tells me what's gonna be the story's all  about and it brought curiosity to me.

Description & Foreword (6/10pts): The foreword's is a good way to explain Seohyun and what she is in school. However, the grammar's really bad. I know English is not your first language so I'm not really going to be as strict. I know what you are trying to say but almost every sentence there has a word missing or wrong use of words. 

One example is "Seohyun is couple with Myungsoo, his ideal guy." That sentence is understandable but with bad organization and wrong use of words. It should be "Seouhyun is in a relationship with Myungsoo, his ideal guy."

There are other sentences with mistakes too. 

Characters (7/10): There are so many characters that I'm getting confused. Too many characters will make a reader lost especially if that reader do not know as many kpop idols as you do. So try to minimise in using TOO much characters. 

I'm just gonna talk about Seohyun. I like her. If someone is with that kind of personality , she would be the most liked girl in the school. I love her bravery and her cheerfulness. 

Plot (15/20): It's unique and interesting to read! The queenkas part is overused but the rest of your plot is making up for it so good job!

Mechanics [Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Syntax, etc] (13/20pts): Your punctuation is good and spelling is excellent. However, your grammar is something that kind of bothered me a lot when reading your story. There were many errors but I'll just point out a few from your first chapter.

"At the school, Seohyun's mother go to the office." = Yes, very understandable and splendid for the good use of punctuation. On the other hand, this sentence should be, "In the school, Seohyun's mother went to the office."

Since you are writing in past tense (i've noticed that you are since many words are in past tense), make sure everything that is supposed to be in past tense be in past tense. Get someone to check it for you if you can't spot those mistakes. 

"It was recess bell." = "It was the recess bell."

"She bought along her wallet." = "She brought along her wallet"

"She ran with Seohyun to cafe. Seohyun looked at the three guy. She waved toward them. Kris. Kyungsoo and Ilhoon smiled. They started to daydreaming." = "She ran with Seohyun to the cafe. She looked at the three guys and waved towards them. Kris, Kyungsoo and Ilhoon smiled and then they started to daydream."

Flow (6/10pts): Please take out scenes that aren't essential to be read to the readers. For example, how Seohyun woke up in the morning. You didn't need to describe every single thing she did. Like in the first chapter, you could have changed that one whole paragraph to :

"Seohyun woke up to get ready for school and once she was done with everything, she went to her kitchen downstairs to eat whatever her mother has prepared for her for breakfast."

So, please try not to describe too much of what's not really exciting. You can use your descrbing abilty for describing essential or exciting parts.

Descriptive words (9/10pts): Vocab's good for someone's who do not have English as their first language

Visual things (2/5pts): Font style and size are readable and but paragraphings are kind of a turn-off to read because the paragraphings are in the centre. Centre paragraphing is never used when writing a story. Left paragraphing should be used instead.

Ending (-/10pts): (not graded)

Extra Comments/Notes: I suggest you to read more English books and practice your English writing. If you can, have someone to edit or check your errors for your story. I hope you best for your story! Thanks for requesting!

Total: 63/90