Dear netizens,  hi again

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything on AFF, but here I am with one of my bedtime stories, if you’re reading this at night, or at all…

So, there’s this guy, my cousin, we used to Skype constantly, we talk about everything and nothing, and I would always complain about how ty it is to live in my country (although with what’s going on around the globe I feel pretty content lol) blab la bla, and then he proposed something I didn’t foresee at all; he asked me for marriage.

Don’t freak out! In western countries marrying your cousin is considered awkward, if not wrong, but here in Arabic countries it’s pretty common.

So, what he meant was a fake marriage, just a way for me to go to Europe and have a better education and a way for him to get rid of his father’s nagging. I was hesitant because it’s kinda forbidden in our religion, and so I didn’t agree right away and we never brought it up again.

But, a few days later I got back into college world and I was so busy with exams that we didn’t have the chance to talk again, as he was busy with moving back to France as well. Right after the exams were done, I promised myself that I’d try and talk to him but my laptop was broken and I was already busy looking for a job (which I succeeded at, thank god).

One day, my mom calls me to her room and drops a bomb on me: he called our grandma and asked my hand from her in the most traditional way. I was shocked, confused… like how? When? I like the dude, we grew up together and I always had a mini crush on him, but honestly?

A few days later, he called me and he was kinda stammering, we avoided talking about it since I was kinda okay with it. Then he called again and I insisted that it would stay strictly between us, no bridges whatsoever. And I really thought about it, like why the hell not? He’s a great guy, smart, funny, handsome … but the thing is that I feel like I haven’t lived enough for myself, I’m 19 years old and I feel that this summer was a sort of a breakthrough for me. So I’ve been thinking that I’d say no, for the time being, until he called a few hours ago and confessed.

Here’s the thing; nobody had ever said the words “I love you” to me, never. I don’t feel loved and I don’t feel unloved either, I’m neutral that way and I enjoy small things in life, the only love I feel is the one expressed by characters, I feel what love is through books and movies, I believe it exists but I could never see myself in a love story.

He confessed his heart out and he was like “I’d love to be loved by you, but I’m not pressuring you, take your time, you are free to do whatever you want, I just want you to be happy whether it’s with me or somebody else” and I melted, a little bit, my sister was cringing next to me ( )

So I felt it was like a sign

What do you guys think of it? Tell me because I’m still hesitant…