Liked this guy in my tuition class for a long while before finding out that he’s in a neighbouring school and also one of the hottest kids there. Popular athlete, really cute, why did I even bother omg??? It’s like staring up at the sun who won’t give me even a glance or two???

So literally everyone already knew him before I did, ‘cause he’s that hot, which makes me feel. . . meh. Discovering that he was hot made me feel so hopeless, but discovering that he was even a serial monogomist made me feel even worse. Apparently he’s got a girlfriend now too. He’s that popular and desirable; I am one of those awkward ones sitting in the sidelines, just watching the world go by, and frankly Idk why I feel so meh about it but whatever. Randomly stopped liking him anyway.

But my main concern is if people who aren’t my bestest friends find out that I liked someone who’s way way out of my league. A friend of mine, not even knowing that I had a thing for him, warned me about him so. . . I just told her that I discovered him on Instagram, which isn’t a lie because I really did find him on Instagram. In real life he seems to be a different person.

Honestly, I’d feel so humiliated and meh-ish if someone found out since I’m shy and really self-conscious, so I’m really worried since some of my close schoolmates go to the same tuition. And I’m worried that what if somehow someway one of those schoolmates would be like “Oh, this guy goes to tuition with us” and maybe another friend would be like “Don’t you guys go to tuition with Lin (me)?” and they’d be like yeah and the other friends would conclude that it was him that I liked and would maybe think of me as an absolute loser. Maybe the certain friend I mentioned in the previous paragraph would say, “She said she knew him from Instagram! Ooooh, it’s definitely him, she lied because she’s embarrassed!”

Oh God, the horror.

So the mentioned friend of mine, I told her that “he’s not here anymore”. I mean it figuratively, in a sense that he’s not here in this small part of my brain where I pay attention to the opposite , but obviously she’ll take it literally. I’m pretty sure she did. I’m an honest person and I hate lying so Idk what I should do??? Should I come forward and say “No, actually he’s still here but he doesn’t get my attention anymore ya feel” or should I just let the topic die down????

Gad, I’m so worried someone else would find out. I mean I trust my best friends with my life so I know they wouldn’t tell anyone without my consent, but I’m just worried if other people unintentionally put the puzzle pieces together, y’know.

. People might say I’m overthinking this (I think I am) but GAAAAAAAH. I’m as much of a loser as I already put myself out to be, I don’t want anyone to find out about my stupid hopeless crush which will make things worse. It’s not that I care extremely about what other people think of me but I go to a girls’ school and among us girls, I know a few of my own friends who can’t keep their trap shut so word gets around really quickly and stuff like this (boys, who dated who, even who liked who, etc.) stick around for a loooong time. I desparately do not want that.

AAAAAAAAAAA WHAT DO I DO TO GET THIS TOPIC TO DIE DOWN AAAAAAAA IM SO STUPID AAAAA

I need a back-up plan for every possible attack. My pride’s on the line.

God, I can’t wait to get the year over with. Why why why???!????

Oh oh, what if she asks “Is your crush —that guy—?” and I answer, “No....” and if she asks, “But he goes to your tuition, right? And he fits your crush’s description,” and I just say, “Really? Meh idk, maybe that’s why he looks so familiar lol. I don’t even actually look at my crush properly so it’s probably him but whatever, I only think he’s cute.”

^ this part is true. So. Um. Would this be good???

Or should I just be completely honest “Yes I did like him but not anymore.”??????

Would anybody even read this oMG HAAAAAALP MEEEEEEEEE. I need someone else’s opinion. Sob sob. T___T