I’m in a dilemma right now and only have until Friday to figure this out and God, I almost had a breakdown because of it at school this afternoon. (Stress does... bad stuff to me)

So I’m one of the counsellor’s assistant and this year, for some reason, my school has been officialising all the posts that have never been acknowledged before. There used to only be the student council and librarians and now there are the textbook prefects, the “businesswomen” aka the girls who work at the school store and the counsellor’s assistants. I’ve been a counsellor assistant for a long time and I like what I do but now...

Before this, my classmates have already been planning out who’s eligible to be our class monitor for next year. Of course, they pointed fingers at me but my stupid modesty got me like “oh nooo, I don’t want, I won’t do a good job”, that kinda BS. So when my counsellor asked who wanted to continue their posts as her assistants, I said yes and even gave my measurements for the new uniform which was initially a vest.

But now, there’s a camp for the prefects and counsellor’s assistants which has me thinking that I don’t want to become an assistant anymore. I truly want to become the class monitor, I want to lead my friends and hopefully my visions, my plans of what I want to do to our class, can clean our class name that’s been tarnished for a while due to behavioural problems. What’s more is that if I continue becoming an assistant, I’ll be second to the counsellor’s favourite assistant, aka this girl I don’t like. I don’t like her, I don’t like being a follower, so, I can only imagine how grumpy I would be for the next year.

So yeah. I’m planning to ask my counsellor if I can continue my post up until the end of the year, because apparently they have a new idea for the uniforms which is a full-on outfit of a blouse and long skirt and probably black shoes. That’s gonna cost money and if I suddenly am able to become monitor next year, money will go to waste. Actually if I have my uniform on I wouldn’t even be able to be considered as the monitor because I already have a post.

Hence if my counsellor says yes, I can stop becoming an assistant next year, I’ll have the chance of becoming the monitor. However there’s the worry that I quit becoming assistant and I don’t end up being the monitor (maybe our class teacher next year would have someone else in mind and we wouldn’t be able to object). And I also don’t want to hurt my counsellor’s feelings or give them more work than they already have (in case they’ve already like, wrote my name down on an official list of assistants or something).

But if she says no, then I’ll have to accept my burdens and move on with life and try my best not to be so hateful towards my soon-to-be president (among the assistants).

I am capable of working under a person I don’t like, my friends can even go up to the counsellor and say that they’d prefer me as president. But the main issue is that I don’t want to be something while I really want to be something else. It’s such an emotional burden and next year is going to be a very hectic year and I do not want this small problem to make me go insane.

So I don’t know what’s the best thing to do. Should I ask my counsellor, or should I just shut up and deal with it?