It's raining heavily...but still I am here with you, outside. Why again? I don't remember.

 

"I have loved you all along" as your words slip out of your mouth, I freeze. Reality fades, my insides scream "LIES"...though something tugs tightly at my heart, making it hard to breath.

"What?" I ask silently, barely audible over the sound of the heavy rain.

"You heard me. I won't repeat myself. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. I realised it too late..."

 

Too late?

Then you must be bluffing.

I can't believe it.

There's no way this is happening.

Lies.

I must be dreaming.

You're not real.

Wake up.

 

"And what do you think that telling me this now would change?" my voice comes out quite harsh, but this is how it's supposed to be. Right?

"I thought we could..." 

 

Just tell me that you want to run away and I'll do just that.

Go on.

Tell me.

 

"We could what?" my tone gets only a little softer, but I keep my posture steady. There's no way I'm falling over this.

"I thought we could make things up...I want another chance. A chance to make things right."

 

Wake up. God damn it.

This is too much already.

Do you believe all this?

 

I cannot lie. I don't know what to say. As I am trying to prevent myself from crying, I clench my eyes shut, enjoying the reassuring sound of the rain soaking us to the bone. Wait. The rain...

 

<< years ago >>

~flashback~

Oh, it's rainig today.

"Julia~"

Huh? That voice...

"Yes, come on in"

"Hey! How are you?"

"Fine. God, what are you doing on this rain?"

"I was bored at home, so I came to see you."

 ~end~

 

The rainy day on which you came to my place, only because you were feeling alone at home...I...

"I don't know what to say...our parents- " my voice is getting shaky and my cheeks are wet. Is it the rain? 

 

No.

They're tears.

Wake up.

Wait- you didn't deny anything.

 

"I don't care. They'll eventually accept this. Is not like they're gonna stop me from being with the one I love." as those words slipped out of I was defenetely crying, the not-so-well hidden confession making its way through my heart like a bullet. The scars are bleeding again. All opened up. Again. Like it hadn't been...

 

Years.

Yeah, right.

Reckless.

Stupid.

 

"All I'm asking for is a chance." now she was crying too. No. Stop.

I tried not to get closer, but eventually I was hugging her crying form, slightly taller but slimmer than mine. She looked defenceless and sincere. Could her words be true?

 

Silence.

 

"No matter how much I tried, how much I cried and waited, I still couldn't stop loving you" I was crying like hell now which made her cry harder too. I wonder how much longer can I handle it.

"Then why didn't you tell me? Maybe I would've realise my feelings for you faster."

Stop crying. Please.

I can't do this.

Not anymore.

 

"That's all in the past. All that matters now is the present. Us. Here. Together." 

 

My words only make her hold me tighter, which makes it harder for me to let go.

 

"Does that mean we can be together now?" the hope in her voice makes me shiver. It remembered me of my hope. Roles reversed, huh?

 

A part of me wanted to explain why we should bury those feelings deep down in the darkest corners of our hearts and never let them out ever again. But the other part of me...

 

"Here's your chance. Don't waste it. I won't be that understanding this time." As the last word slips out of my mouth I find myself kissing her- for real for the first time. My stomach tightens violently as she kisses me back as if her life depends on it. Is this real?

 

No.

It's only a dream.

Wake up.

 

We hardly break the kiss, only due to the lack of air, not that we'd want it to end. Not the first, and defenetely not the last. That was for sure.

 

"I won't waste it. Trust me. You suffered enough." then she kisses me again. My head is spinning full-speed right now, but I don't care. She's finally in my arms. Kissing me. Mine.

We'll care later about staying up all night and maybe for an up-coming cold. But after all this time, all we can do is talk (between kisses) about what we're going to do next...In eachother's arms we're here to stay...Forever...

 

"Julia"

I'm right here.

"Julia"

In your arms.

"Julia. Wake up."

No.

Yes.

Not yet. Let me stay just a little more in your arms.

"Julia"

No.

Yes.

"Huh? What happened?"

"You wouldn't wake up. You worried me."

Wait....what?!

That's my bed.

Indeed.

It was all a dream.

She's just sleeping over.

 

Reality came back to life it seems.

But it seemed so real.

My lips feel strange.

 

"Are you ok?"

No.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

 

 

"IF YOU
IF YOU
If it’s not too late
Can’t we get back together?
IF YOU
IF YOU
If you’re struggling like I am
Can’t we make things a little easier?
I should’ve treated you better when I had you."

 

 Well...that's just what you are...

    The most beautiful dream when I'm asleep...

  And the worst nightmare when I'm awake.

 

 

 

6th August...

 

 

 

 

6 years..

 

 

Do you remeber?

 

 

 

I'm sorry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I forgive you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But I've been saved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But tonight...just tonight...let me love you again.

 

I love you.