This is not particularly a problem, but just something I wanted to get off my chest. It has been bothering me for a while and from time to time I stress about it. I know I should not let it bother me, but one way or another it just slips inside my mind.

So, I have noticed that I am not the luckiest person when it comes to making friends in RL. Jut when I think I want to consider that person as a friend, something happens and instead of growing closer, we grow apart. They go their own way, I go mine. They make new friends and stick with them and I stay behind. I am not jealous that they have made new friends, but just disappointed they do not consider me enough of a friend.

I have been told to reflect on myself and ask the question why is it that I always end up not having friends at all. Sure, I did that and my conclusion: I may have been aloof en cold from time to time or most of the time to strangers, but after knowing me I slowly warm up to people.

So, I have decided to change my attitude abit and be a bit more talkative and friendlier, but... in the end it seems all fake to me, because it just was not me me. I keep on doing things that looked and sounded all fake, so I stopped altogether. People did say I changed in a positive way, but I do not see it yet.

Ok, so the real problem now is.... I was introduced to a new person and thought hey I would like to be your friend and did what I thought was ok to approach a new person: get to know the person little by little, Just when I thought we are ok with each other, I get the feeling she looks down on me, because she is married to someone rich and she herself is a rich person. Everything people told me about how she is an ok seemed to flush down the drains, because in my eyes I see she really does not want to be friends with me, because she is higher up in the rank than I am.

So, I have been thinking, I opened up to new people hoping to make new friends, creat a new friendship, but in the end, I get the same result... I end up friendless, because of whatever reason. I do not understand what I did wrong. How come when others make friends, they are easily attached to each other and they really do stay good friends, but when I try my best I still get the same result?

Is it really me who is the problem or the other party?

Sometimes when I see my idols are all good friends with each other and have a beautiful friendship, I really envy them and want to have such a good friend like they do.