Yongguk returns from the army on a cloudy Tuesday evening, a taxi dropping him off at a posh looking condominium that he was sure hadn’t been here the least time he’d been in the area. He enters the building, looking around at the high ceiling and sophisticated looking front desk area, thinking that the aura certainly suits the man he’s here to see.

He’s buzzed up without much fuss and is soon exiting the elevator on the 11^th floor, walking to the door carrying the number he’d written down on a scrap of paper in his pocket.  It swings open quickly.

“Himchannie.”

Himchan’s smile his wide; his arms warm as he tugs Yongguk in for a hug. He’d ordered from Yongguk’s favourite restaurant and the food sits on his pristine counter along with refreshments. It has been a long while and they have much to catch up on. He asks after everyone they know, one by one, before he speaks a name he hasn’t in ages.

“How’s Daehyun?”

Himchan sighs here, shrugs, “Still sulking after his latest break up. He can never seem to hold on to them. Or maybe he doesn’t want to, I don’t know. He must have told you?”

Yongguk shifts, focusing on the bubbles in his beer glass, “I haven’t spoken to Daehyun in a while.”

Himchan’s brow furrows at this, surprised, “Really, how long?”

Yongguk shifts in his seat, guilt worming its way through him before the other man repeats himself.

“Yongguk?”

“Two years.”

*             *             *

Two years ago had been Yongguk’s sending off party.

It was a good time for B.A.P to have a break, after their fourth successful full length album and Yongguk didn’t want to put off the enlistment for too much longer. The others had projects lined up for the next little while. It wouldn’t feel like two years, they’d reasoned, and soon they’d be together again.

He remembers the night vividly. Daehyun had laughed into his shoulder, comfortable at his side.  He remembers whispering into the younger’s ears, watching him laugh as they playfully badmouthed the others. He remembers Youngjae pointing a bottle of beer at them, asking them what was so funny.  He’d shared a glance with the elder vocalist and they’d dissolved into more giggles.

It was no secret Daehyun was perhaps the most sentimental of them. If he’d had his way they’d all have enlisted together but it would be a bad marketing strategy and the younger members were still in their entertainment prime, so off Yongguk went to be the first to enter service. Daehyun had been clingy the entire month, as clingy as he dared with Yongguk which mostly amounted to sitting quietly by his side as he wrote or accompanying him when he went out for food.

As the night winded down, they’d filed into cabs until they were the only two left. They lived in the same block, a relatively quiet street just off one of the larger intersections in the city. Their tastes turned out to not be not so different after all. They’d decided to split a cab, thighs pressed together in the back seat, still laughing over nonsense.  Daehyun had leant against him, pout on his face as he spoke.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving already. What will I do without hyung? You practically raised me,” he teases.

“You turned out fine,” Yongguk murmurs, Daehyun’s hair tickling his cheek, “No thanks to me. You won’t even notice I’m not here.”

“I will. I’ll notice every day.”

Somehow he’d found their hands linked together, hidden from the driver. When the car had pulled up to Daehyun’s place first, he’d handed over the fare and pulled the younger man out with him. Daehyun had questioned him but followed, he always did.

He’d had the younger pressed against the door as soon as it was unlocked, a kiss maybe years in the making. Daehyun was so warm and full in his arms, soft skin and affectionate touch. He’d breathed words of love into Yongguk’s ear, calling him hyung even as hands roamed his body like a lover.

He’d woken curled together with Daehyun, had felt something like fear settle in his veins like lead. Yongguk had left, walked down the street in the early morning, grabbed his already packed back from his home and took the first train out.

He remembers his phone ringing, and then buzzing, with a couple messages, all from the same number. He remembers shutting it off. And remembers trying to forget.

*             *             *

Himchan’s face is lined with disapproval and Yongguk doesn’t even have to question what part of his story it’s aimed at.

“So that’s what it was,” he says, “What he wouldn’t tell us.”

Yongguk bows his head, runs a hand down his face as he feels the self-hate manifest in him again.

“He cried when he heard you’d been assigned to the marines. Found him on the roof of the studio, holding his phone. I think he just wanted to hear your voice.”

He brushes at his eyes as Himchan sits in front of him.

“I’m not telling you this to make you feel like , you know.”

“I know.”

*             *             *

Daehyun has no reason to want to talk to him, not after what he’d done. But having their reunion in front of the eyes of the other members, staff, and the company isn’t something Yongguk is keen on.

It’s the same apartment, the same small building and quaint design. He wonders if he’ll find the same Daehyun inside, too. He rings the doorbell and waits, knowing his face is reflected on the security cam inside. The younger man answers the door cautiously at first, before pulling it open fully.

“Hyung,” he says simply, “What are you doing here?”

Yongguk shifts on his feet, hesitant to make eye contact but doing it anyway.

“I wanted to see you.”

The younger scoffs, turning and walking away. Yongguk slowly steps past the threshold, shutting the door behind him.

“If you wanted to see me,” he says wryly, “you could follow my Instagram like all the other strangers.”

He feels his heart clench, “I deserve that-”

“What do you want, hyung?”

Daehyun cuts him off and he looks tired. He barely looks older, the same full features and spark in his eyes that Yongguk had turned over in his head many a cold night.  When Yongguk reaches out to cup his face though, he doesn’t move.

Instead, his eyes fall shut and his own hand comes up to rest above one of Yongguk’s.

“Your hands are rough now.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

He presses his forehead to Daehyun’s; the younger’s eyes crossing slightly to look at him. When he kisses him again, it finally feels like he’s home.