Someone once said: There are things that can not be stopped. The passage of time, fate, big dreams, a strong will. Without them, there are no true freedom and you’ll lasting forever trapped in yourself and losing  your goals.

Fate- something that had always found it’s own definition. For everyone different. So why? Why had I such a fate - but should bring me to my goals, but making my life just incredibly difficult?

I stared at the little device in my trembling hands. It was as however someone had stopped the time, just about this moment of shock would ever leave. I stared at the smiling smiley, and the green circle, which shine on the small screen.

"Donghae ... Hey ... you okay?" Heechul slaps on the bathroom door. Heechul had given it to me, because she was the only one who I told what had happened. And now could take care of me.

I cursed this summer evening in my head. It had become a little cooler after all the miserable hot day before and we were celebrating our new album that would soon appear.

We laughed and drank a lot - too much. Because everything what I could remember after that were his lips were on mine. Greedy and hungry and yet at the same time so incredibly soft. And then they were everywhere on my body. I still knew exactly how it had felt - his kisses and his touch on my bare skin.

And the . I do not remember how we got into our hotel - where we knew the way, or if any of us, although we were more than drunk, drove there by car. Everything that happened in my head again were pieces of the night when I had .

With my best friend.

Eunhyuk.

No matter how many times we said 'Eunhae is real' or 'I love you' - just as often as we knew it was not true. It was all Fanservice, we did indeed happy, because it was funny and we were like an old married couple anyway, but there never had been feelings.

We both knew that, the others from Super Junior knew that, all knew that - even though they might not want to admit.
And now I was pregnant!

"Heechul ..." my own voice came softly. I slowly got up and unlocked the bathroom door. Heechul stood there and looked at me calmly.

She was the only one who had found out that I had slept with Eunhyuk. "And?" she asked.
"Super Junior will be sixteen." I said slowly and quietly, and tears ran down my cheeks. Not because I was happy. No, I was scared. Before all that, what would happen.

For me was already clear - abortion was out of any question! Such a person was not me. I had already decided to get this child and to keep it. After I had lost my father was now clear to me that I wouldn't give my child to anyone else. None children's home and none any other family.
And I guess Heechul knew it already.

"What do I do now?" I cried and hugged her. I was afraid to give up Super Junior. That they would do somethingto Eunhyuk or that we both had to give up Super Junior. That I didn’t wanted it in any case.

"First you have to say it to Hyukjae. It is also his child. And then you have to decide how you want to teach it to others." she said quietly. "Just like I know you, you've already decided to keep the baby and raise it?" she said and I knew she had a smile on his lips. I just nodded.

"You tell to Hyukjae and I'll teach Jungsoo gently. Then we will decide together okay?" I nod. I was so grateful to Heechul. She was my big sister, the one that always paying attention to me and was always standing with a council next to me.

Then I flushed down the pregnancy test in the toilet and I wiped the tears from his face. I just had little fear to say it to Eunhyuk. He loved children and I knew that he would never abort the child. But I also knew that he would never tell me because he was afraid to force me into something that I would not. After all I had to get the child. Moreover, this was definitely not the way he had imagined his perfect family with his wife and children. I sighed.
"I'm sorry Hyukkie." I said softly.

-

"So what?" he asked as he closed the door behind him. "You have been so strange all the time."
It was shortly before midnight. He had only just come home and when I told him that we urgently need to discuss something, what he was not enthusiastic about at, because he was tired and wanted a shower, but when he saw how serious I was, he followed me into my and Sungmin's room.

I sat on my bed and picked up the words with which I had to make it clear that he would get a child with his best friend.

"Is it because we had ?" he asked. "Donghae, that was weeks ago. I told you-"

"No." I interrupted him. "Well, yeah… - Somehow."

"Donghae, you’re confusing me only." He sighed and felt a hand on his forehead.

"Hyukjae?"

"Eh ... Ne?" he asked, surprised because I called his real name, but I usually just used some spontaneous nickname.

"I ..." I breathed deeply again. "I'm pregnant."

I could see how he slipped out any facial features, and as he stared at me with wide eyes and open mouth. I said nothing, but waited until he was caught again and sat next to me. We both stared at Sungmin's bed with the pink sheets.

"Donghae you .." I knew that he wanted to say that I do not need to keep the child just because he always wanted to have kids or something.

"I'll get it." I said firmly. "Because of me, and nobody else I mean ... it's your child too, but I'll keep it and raise it, because it is my family."
"I'm glad." he said, relieved. "I thought you were going to have an abortion."

"Who do youthink I am?"

"That's right. You would not do such a thing." He laughed easily. Then he became serious again.

"Donghae?"

"Hm?"

"Before you get the child, I have a favor to ask you." he said quietly, but still incredibly seriously.

"Of course. What?"

"Marry me." Now I lost my temper on my face and stared at him.

"We are… best friends, Hyukkie." Brought I out and wasn’t sure anymore as I said it out loud.

"Not for me." he said. As seriously as gentle. "For a long time any more." He took the chain he always wore, from under his shirt. It was a long, thin chain on which hung the wedding rings of his grandparents. "I've always wondered what it would be if. If you would reciprocate my feelings and I could ask you if you want to marry me." he said and turned the rings in his hands.

I stared at him. Then the rings. Then again him. I had never thought about it further, what Eunhyuk was for me, because it had been more then certain: He's my best friend.

"Molchi? Give me time to think about that okay?" I asked. He smiled at me, but looked confused.

"Give me some time to sort out my feelings, okay? So I can tell you 'yes, I want'. I would say it immediately, but then I would always ask me, if I hadn’t just played with your emotions." He nodded and took me in his arms. For me it was the most beautiful place in the world and the place where I felt safest.

"Okay. But do not wait to long. In eight, nine months, the child will be born. Otherwise, it will be born as a Lee." he joked.

"In either way it will be born as a Lee." I said. He sighed.

"Yes, that’s why I envy Sungminnie and Kyuhyun. Lee and Cho."

"Or Kim and Choi." I said, thinking of Heechul and Siwon. "Ryeowook and Yesung have pulled the bottom card as well. The are both called Kim." I laughed. He nodded.
-

"You're so stupid, Donghae. Seriously." Heechul let hit her fingers against my forehead. "Why didn't you immediately tell him that you want to marry him?" She wailed.

"Ouch ~" I rubbed my forehead. "Simply because I've never thought about it." I said.

"What is there to think about? You've slept together! I had thought that you both finally confessed your love." Leeteuk said, now with me and me sitting in Heechul's room. "Or do you not love him?"

I had also asked me that last night. So I made a list in my head. When you were in love with someone.

You had to always think of the other.

That's what I did. I always had to think of Eunhyuk, every time I saw strawberries or a monkey. Whenever I danced, or if I trained my rap. Or just like that.

You always wanted to be at the others side.

Yes, of course, I always wanted to be with Eunhyuk. With him I always had fun, with him I could always laugh, talk for hours about unimportant stuff or just do something with him.

If you were not together, you missed the other too much.

And how much. When I lay in my bed alone at night because we had different schedules and one of us could not come home and I had no one to cuddle with, I started crying because I wanted him with me. If we, if one of us overseas, talked by Cam on of us would begin a cry, because we missed each other.

What lovers do:
They kiss. We kiss.
You say 'I love you'. We say 'I love you'.
They have . We have .
Yes, damn it. I love him.

"I love him." I said softly. The first time I said it like I meant.

"There you go. Marry him! Damn it!" complained Heechul.

"And what will SM saying?" I asked.

"Leave this to me." Leeteuk smirked. "I'll just say that that is the result of their Fanservice."

"Woah ~ Jungsoo I knew not at all, that you also have a evil side." Heechul laughed.

-

At the end we decided to teach it to the others gently and one by one especially.
Siwon heard about it from Heechul, who wanted immediately that the child will baptized, while Heechul was strik against it. She had also managed to give this information to Hangeng, who was like a chinese Brother to me and her best friend. His reaction? I did not know, but I guess he's happy. Siwon gave it immediately to Henry and Zhou Mi, who would immediately come to Korea when her schedule permitted it.

Leeteuk had somehow managed it to tell Kangin and Kibum about it. Kibum, who was something like my ex-boyfriend doesn’t really liked the fact that Eunhyuk - his secret love-enemy - was the father and my future husband, but was pleased nonetheless. And Appa Kangin was really excited anyway.

Eunhyuk had told Shindong and his Nari, which were kind of depressed because now we would get children and would marry before them. But the two were of course thrilled.

Ryeowook, Yesung, Sungmin and Kyuhyun learned it from me. Ryeowook immediately began to plan the wedding and set up a nursery, where Sungmin helped naturally happy about everything - and I got scared that I would marry in the pink wonderland. Yesung with whom I understood me better and better each day, took it probably like every boy / man would do. With a 'Congratulations' and a broad smile.

When I told Kyuhyun I had not even finished speaking the four words 'I'm pregnant and-' before he jumped up, ran to Eunhyuk and yelled at him what in hell would come to his mind, to impregnate me just like this without ever having the courage to confess his love to me. It had been clear that Kyuhyun would react like this, because he and I were like brother and sister and liked us the most out of all Super Junior members – excluding Eunhyuk and Sungmin of course and even though he was the youngest, he fit it in on me and took me under his protection.

SM Entertainment was obviously not thrilled. But for an abortion, it was now too late and when Leeteuk gave his joker 'Ya, it is your fault if you let do Fanservice', they somehow excepted this fact. And then SME began to plan when they wanted to publish our engagement - I wasn’t wearing a ring but still wanted to marry - and my pregnancy. But I and Eunhyuk had something against that. We wanted to publishing it ourself when we felt like it - it was our life at least!

-

I quietly opened his door and looked into the dark room. One bed was empty because Shindong was at Nari and from the other, he smiled at me calmly.I closed the door behind me and crawled into bed with him. He slid to the side, so I had a comfortable seat next to him.

"It has been a long time since the last time you came." he said softly. Yes, the last time we were in bed together was when he impregnated me. After that I had stopped with this nightly routine.

"Donghae?" I lifted my head and looked at him. Only a second later, lay his lips on mine. I closed my eyes.

Perhaps it was ridiculous to say that, at least we were expecting a baby and would marry soon, but this kiss was like our first. We had already, before this night, a few times kissed on the mouth to test how it would feel, but only after his proposing we started kissing us repeatedly, regular - with a meaning.

But that kiss was so sweet, so gentle and yet so passionate, like never seen a kiss before. His lips were not rushed, were not greedy, like that night and not shy or cautious as the last time. They were safe, confident and gave me no choice but to moan softly from our kiss. Then I felt his tongue gently my lips. Without hesitation, I opened my mouth to let his tongue enter. It explored my whole mouth and was at all the sensitive points, keeping at our little tongue dance the lead. We part only, as it was almost impossible to breathe.

Eunhyuk was bending over me, his head resting on my forehead, he breathed heavily. I kept my eyes closed, and also tried to find my breath.

"Oh Shisus ... I love you so much." he said, almost as if it was a curse, which he gladly endured. And it was the first time that he said it.

"I love you too." I was back with a smile. Then I snuggled close to him, I pulled the blanket up to my ears and fell asleep. As much as I had not slept for a long time.

The next morning I woke up too early, but I was incredibly sick. Just as the last few mornings, too. I wanted to quickly run to the bathroom, but Eunhyuk had his arms wrapped tightly around me.

"Yah. Hyukkie." I tried to wake him up. "Monkey!" I shook him.

"Hmm ... Hae what is it?" he asked with his eyes closed wearily, but before I could say anything, I vomited on his shoulder, his chest and his bed. Instantly he was wide awake.

"I. .. I'm sorry." I apologized and hold me a hand over my mouth. He sat up and grimaced.

"It's okay." said he, at that moment I jumped up and ran to the bathroom to vomit the secound time above the toilet. Just two minutes later, Eunhyuk came with the terms full of puking in the bathroom and put them in the washing machine. Then he sat down beside me, who still hanging over the toilet bowl on the floor.

"Feeling better?" he asked, I nodded. Then he kissed my forehead.
"I'm sorry, because you need to go through all this." He sighed and looked almost helpless.

"I'm so happy I can do it." I smiled. "And now go shower. You stink of vomit." He laughed. So he quickly jumped under the shower while I brushed my teeth thoroughly to get the taste out of his mouth.

-

Yesterday we had officially announced that Hyukjae and I would marry the next month. That I was pregnant, we concealed. The media should find that out themselves, if my stomach was getting thicker and thicker and I could no longer hide it.

 to be continued...