C H A P T E R   T W O

I stand in one corner of the room, watching the scene play before me. White-clad nurses come inside the room one after the other in a hurried pace. Their voices and the sound of everything going on remain muffled as I take in what is happening. Wrapping my own arms around myself, I hope to comfort myself and hold on to the great deal of hope awakened inside me.

That flick of his finger did the magic. Now, I look at the man still lying on the bed but with eyes open. His creased eyebrows tell me of his confusion, but that's okay. Kai - I mean, Jongin - is awake, that's all that matters. 

My eyes dart to the door as it suddenly opened. Lay, or Dr. Zhang at this moment, enters the room and for a second, his eyes met mine. In the two months I had endured, Lay had been there for me - not just as Kim Jongin's doctor or as Aunt Yoosun's son, but as a dear friend. We have known each other since I was a kid. He frequently visited his mother when Aunt Yoosun still worked for my family. Like a brother I never had, he taught me how to ride a bike, made me realize that hide and seek was a fun game and treated my wounds when I stumbled on the playground and was afraid of my parents to see it. He always had that doctor vibe in him. Now, there he is, a real doctor to the most important man of my life and a genuine friend who somehow keeps me intact despite the happenings that slowly break me. He did not question why we had to run away and change our names. I thank him a lot for that.

The second his eyes met mine in this hospital room, I knew the message he wanted to tell me. Jongin is going to be fine.

When Jongin began to speak, however, I knew it was me who is not going to be fine. My blood drained out from my system and it feels like the hope I had been holding on to dropped to my feet.

"Where am I?" I can barely hear him as he whispered. Somehow, Lay answers him but his reply did not hear my senses. Then Jongin asked again, now to loud to crush me. "Why can't I remember anything?"

 Lay looked at me again, and I knew this was not good. 

I see the look of frustration in Jongin's eyes. From my spot, I can see how he is wrapped with sadness, confusion and pain all at the same time. He does not remember anything, I repeat to myself, not knowing how to deal with this. 

Watching Lay explain things to Jongin then give instruction to the nurse left behind, I give myself time to process this whole situation. I start thinking of what to do next, or how long would his memory be gone. I gained no answers.

"Soojung," Lay softly calls to catch my attention. "Soojung, perhaps I can talk to you outside."

But I can't leave Jongin!

"He will be fine. This won't take too long," Lay tells me, as if hearing my thoughts.

He leaves to the door, giving me time to glance at Jongin before walking out. Our eyes meet, and he looks at me with more sadness than lack of recognition. Somehow, I could hear him talking to me with his eyes but I could not really fathom the words.

He breaks the eye contact and stares at his fidgeting hands. "Who are you?" 

If it was possible, I may have heard my heart shatter. 

Who am I? How can that question come from the man to whom I gave all of myself? If there was someone who must know me the best, it must be him. 

I walk out of the room, not able to answer him. Lay approaches me as soon as I close the door, looking at me now as a friend and not as a doctor. Yes, I need a friend right now. This is too much to bear.

"How can he not remember me?" I ask, not really expecting for an answer because I know there is none.

I break down and let all the supressed tears fall as Lay wraps his arms around me. If we were back to fifteen years ago, perhaps this friendly gesture would be enough. But that is not the case. I cry harder because I know I could not run away from this anymore.