Seunghyun has always had a domineering presence, sometimes to the point of being scary. He knows it but doesn’t really care. He doesn’t try too hard at being manly; knowing full well that he already is even when he’s pulling out the ‘binggu T.O.P’ card. He could act silly whenever the hell he wants yet his strong masculine image remains unscathed. He was aware he could use it to his advantage, have women lining up for him if he so wishes. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t find it too interesting.

In fact, he was used to how people react to him, how they act in his presence. They were all the same. People are always going out of their way to be on his good side; going an extra mile just so they could elicit a good reaction from his normally stoic stance. He remembers an instant when he caught the maknae on the phone. Their youngest noticeably changed his tone the very moment he realized Seunghyun was in hearing range. He’s used to it all, really.

However, there’s always that one person he could never get used to. Jiyong. While everyone who caught his stare tends to look away or at least blink as if caught off guard, Jiyong would only stare back at him, sometimes innocently, some other times flash him a quick smile, before turning away nonchalantly. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get Jiyong at all despite practically growing up together. Other than their passion for music, they were never in the same page. Heck, Jiyong was always at least two pages beyond everyone. As if there’s something only the leader knows beyond every smile.

And while everyone else would take a second or two to think before they react to something Seunghyun has done, Jiyong would always, always, just laugh. Jiyong laughs at the smallest things that even he himself doesn’t find too funny. Does it make him special? He thinks not. In fact, he believes he doesn’t get much of Jiyong’s attention; especially during practice. Everyone else gets their own share of constructive criticism during recording and dance practice. He carefully points out what needs to be worked on and gives specific instructions to each member. Except Seunghyun.

He’s been wondering if he should feel offended by it, especially when Jiyong would laugh to himself whenever he catches the eldest trying too hard at dancing. He often finds himself not knowing what to do. If he doesn’t put extra effort in the dance routine, he’d look out of place. If he works too hard, he simply looks awkward. Simply put, Seunghyun can’t find his middle ground not only at dancing but also at making Jiyong happy enough with his performance.

Hence, that was probably why Jiyong is never fazed by his presence. The leader just doesn’t find him good enough to be overwhelming. And Seunghyun is forever torn whether to keep trying or just give up because Jiyong is Jiyong and he’s always beyond everyone else.

His resolve to give up, which isn’t even solid, went straight down the drain the moment his phone buzzed. Freshly showered, he was lazing around at home after sleeping almost the entire day when he received Jiyong’s message over Kakao.

“Hyung,” it reads, followed by “Can you come over? I’m at the studio.”

It was close to midnight but he finds himself replying, “Yeah. Be there in a few.”

He notes how he is the only one in the group that Jiyong calls ‘hyung’. He likes it. It’s like he finally has something of Jiyong for his own. He feels special every single time he hears it from the younger’s lips. It feels as if he would say yes to anything Jiyong says as long as he adds a ‘hyung’ in his sentence.

It’s funny. Since when had he become so shallow? Seunghyun scoffs to himself as he walks over to his closet. He often dressed in a sloppy fashion even when going overseas so he doesn’t know why he suddenly feels the need to dress up. He even sprays his favourite perfume on.

Minutes after giving his driver, Jaebum-hyung, a quick call, Seunghyun is ready to go. He fishes out his phone from his jeans’ pocket and types a few words before setting it down on his lap as they drive away.

“I’m on my way. Do you need anything?” He asks.

“Beer? If you’re up for it. Or coffee. Your call,” Jiyong replies. “Thanks, hyung ♥”

 He stares at the heart a second longer than he probably should before he speaks up. “Let’s get beer before we head to the studio.”

The door squeaks open as he makes his entrance, making Jiyong turn his chair around. The younger gets on his feet to greet him with a stretched hand that Seunghyun immediately takes, followed by a shoulder bump. It was so natural as they’ve greeted each other in such fashion for years. But he wonders, since when did the milliseconds turn into seconds and tens of seconds before they let go of each other’s hand? He wasn’t quite sure.

“Were you sleeping?” Jiyong asks as he sits back down and turns his chair to face the workstation.

“No, I slept during the day,” Seunhyun answers as he sets the beer cans on the clutter-free area of the desk before pulling a chair to seat on. “Filming was wrapped up yesterday then the entire cast and crew had dinner last night.” He gives the floor a slight kick to roll his chair closer to where Jiyong was working, stopping only when his chair is a few inches away from the leader’s.

Jiyong turns to him. He could trace a crease on the other’s red hair-covered eyebrows. “Are you still tired? Gwenchanayo?”

“I’m fine.”

Jiyong reaches out to rub Seunghyun’s clothed arm in response, turning his head away a few seconds before he retracts his hand to go back to work. “I’m almost done with this one. But something feels lacking,” Jiyong says, worry and uncertainty thick in his tone.

“Let’s hear it.”

It took three hours and six cans of beers before they called it a day. Jiyong’s mood is up again and Seunghyun can’t be happier having a hand at it. Even for a bit, he knows he is part of the reason why the worried Jiyong is now and all smiles and giggles Jiyong. Although, the beer most likely did more work, the older is just happy to be there. For some reasons Seunghyun can’t clearly remember how and when they have migrated to the couch, slumped together side by side, their shoulders pressed together.

“Hyung,” Jiyong murmurs, moving closer so that his right shoulder lays against Seunghyun’s left one.

“Hmm..?” the older responds, noting the sudden disappearance of personal space.

Jiyong turns his head, the bridge of his nose meeting the taller man’s jaw. “Thanks for coming. What would I do without you?” the red haired says in his tipsy state, nose rubbing against Seunghyun’s jaw. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down.

Seunghyun find his breath caught up in his throat with the sensations Jiyong is subjecting him to. He could feel the younger’s hot breath softly tickling his neck like feathers. Jiyong rubbing against him is something that never, ever, crossed his mind.

“Hyung?” the smaller man calls again at his companion’s lack of response. The nose rubbing stops, consequently putting Seunghyun back to his senses. But Jiyong doesn’t pull away.

“Ah…  Yeah. You should have called me earlier so you could rest sooner. Aren’t you tired?”

Jiyong nods in affirmation, rubbing his nose against Seunghyun’s jaw once again. The taller’s breath doesn’t hitch like it did before so he assumes he could get used to it. He could get used to having Jiyong so close, snuggled up to him like it’s completely normal. Yeah. He could get used to it. Maybe he could tell Jiyong that it’s okay to snuggle up to him whenever he wants if he gets the chance. But he doubts that kind of opportunity ever coming his way.

“I’ll call Jaebum-hyung. Let’s get you home.”

“Don’t wanna.” Jiyong whines and Seunghyun feels the other’s eyelashes brush against his cheek when he closed his eyes.

It’s cute, the taller one notes to himself. Although the leader would definitely prefer to be called handsome, Seunghyun can’t bring himself to it. Jiyong had moments when he’s being cute without knowing it himself. Those moments when he’d drop his ‘leader’ name tag are pretty rare and Seunghyun feels accomplished having Jiyong drop it in his presence. Or, Jiyong is simply too tired to care. That, or he had too much to drink. Seunghyun’s seen the leader drunk a few times before, but Jiyong never behaved like a puppy that needs cuddling, exactly like he’s behaving now.

“We’ll stay in for half an hour then we’ll head home.”

“Okay,” the smaller man mumbles in his half-asleep state.

Seunghyun pulls his arm that was trapped by Jiyong back minutes ago. It was starting to numb. He puts it around Jiyong and reached for the guy’s head as he pulls it to rest against his shoulder for a more comfortable position. Jiyong shifts on his seat and Seunghyun feels the other’s nose – the one previously rubbing against his jaw – settle at the crook of his neck.

It makes him conscious. Having Jiyong so close makes him more conscious than he already is and that is saying a lot. What if he doesn’t smell nice enough to Jiyong’s liking? Should he have sprayed more perfume than he did? Or should he have used a different brand. He wonders endlessly and worries just the same. It takes him minutes to still his thoughts. He highly regards the leader’s opinion of him. Since when – he doesn’t know. And he also isn’t sure if it’s because he is the leader or because of some other reason he could quite put his finger on. Well, he has a few more minutes to think things through. And think, he will.

He contemplates about the situation he’s in, or rather, they’re in. Seunghyun doesn’t feel wrong or awkward having Jiyong like this but he wonders if it’s normal. He imagines how it would feel if it was Seungri or Daesung snuggling up to him the way Jiyong is doing. He’s not even going to consider Youngbae. Just the thought of it is enough to give him shivers. He’d most likely push Seungri away because he snores and do the same to Daesung because he’s heavy. Unlike the two, Jiyong sleeps soundly, breathes sofly and he’s not heavy, just the perfect weight on his shoulder. Perfect.

Seunghyun looks down to glance at his sleeping companion only to realize that his own idle fingers has been playing with the other’s hair while he was lost in his thoughts. He decides it would be fine to stay that way for a while. He clears mind off and revels in the warmth that Jiyong is giving off. He’s never been this intimate with anyone else before. Sure, he’s filmed with different actresses before, but none of those scenes felt real to him.

He looks down and stares at the leader’s slightly parted lips. They are as plump as Seunghyun remembers them to be. He couldn’t help but wonder if it would feel just the same if he were to kiss Jiyong right now like he kissed him back then when they were filming a comedic parody. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t dare to take advantage of the situation just to satisfy his curiosity, and what for, he also doesn’t know. He realizes there are too many things he didn’t know about when the leader is concerned.

Before his thoughts could lead him to some foreign place he isn’t ready for – at least not yet – Seunghyun decides to wake the other up. “Jiyong-ah, time to go.”

“Nnghh… I don’t want to move.”

Me too, Jiyong. Me, too, Seunghyun wants to say but holds it in. “You’re tired and you need proper sleep. I’m taking you home.”

“Whose home? Yours?” Jiyong asks, mistakenly pointing a finger at his own chest.

“Mine?” Seunghyun is lost in the question.

“Mine?” Jiyong then directs his finger to the other’s chest as he looked up at the man.

When Seunghyun doesn’t reply, Jiyong points at his own chest again, “Yours” this time with a smile that reaches his still sleepy eyes.

Seunghyun catches Jiyong’s hand before it touches his chest again and this time, it was him who says, “Mine,” and he returns Jiyong’s smile.

Whatever the confusing exchange actually meant was beyond Seunghyun. He doesn’t feel the need to understand nor to dwell upon it. He only wants to indulge in the moment when Jiyong’s smile is directed at him. Amongst many other things he doesn’t know, Seunghyun also doesn’t know where they stand. But as long as Jiyong stands beside him, he’s good. They’re both good.

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Author's corner!!

Hello! A brief intro! I'm a lazy writer from YunJae fandom. They're the OTP that i trully believe exists or at least once existed. However, I stumbled upon GTOP and my interest is piqued. Sometimes i think, nah, how can T.O.P be gay? He's as straight as a rod! But then as i watch some videos, I can't help but feel something behind their chemistry. So, if any of you here believe GTOP is real, do enlighten me and share some proofs and/or cute GTOP interactions.

Thank you! I also hope you enjoyed reading this little piece.