Jongin's POV

As the bus hums along the familiar route, I stared out the window, lost in the rhythmic motion. The passing scenery brought back happy memories, and the melancholy notes of a song playing in the headphones seemed to echo the emotions I couldn't put into words. It has been so long since I've visited this place, so long since my heart had been beating so loudly that scared the hell out of me. It has been so long since I've been able to feel this feeling, this feeling of being next to the person I love so desperately.

The bus stopped at our designated station and we de-boarded in silence. I was strolling behind Kyungsoo as he led the way. As we crossed by the park and a few familiar shops, I realized that the area hadn't changed much except for better lighting at every corner. Finally, the municipality decided to be thoughtful of their civilians' safety after the tragic robbery and murder case that happened here a year before. I was dead worried about Kyungsoo when they reported it in the news and wanted to protect him with everything I had.

But as always, he pushed me away. 

Why can't you see me?

"You didn't have to drop me," Kyungsoo's cold voice dragged me out of my thoughts. 

"I am not a kid."

He wasn't even looking at me when he said it, simply kept walking with his hands in his pockets. That's the thing about Do Kyungsoo. Don't get carried away by that innocent face and big, beautiful eyes that scream kindness and compassion, nuh-uh! I am not saying he isn't a good person at heart, damn, everyone knows he is one of the sweetest souls out there. It's just that... I might be an exception, and maybe I deserve it somehow. However, the good thing is that I was now used to his hostility and coldness towards me. It did make my heart cry, but at least he was talking to me, which was enough to keep me functioning.

"And like I said earlier, it's no problem!"

"But-"

"Also, I happen to live on the same route so yeah, no trouble at all!"

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and fastened his pace. He was avoiding me again. 

Sometimes I wonder how I even fell in love with such a sassy, cold guy. He is too ignorant and stubborn. And he breaks my heart all the time. But then again, it's love we're talking about! Everything is illogical when it comes to love. Yes... I have feelings for him.. and I don't know since when it began. Maybe when he saved me from that furious dog when we first met in middle school? Yeah, I was a big scaredly cat back then but that's not what the point is!

The point is that I fell in love with him.

I love him more than anything and I want to be with him. Every day, I wish for a miracle to happen so that we can be together forever. I want to tell him that I love him, I want to show him how much my heart yearns for his love and touch. I want to make him see how beautiful I think he is, and how he is the only one for me.

 I want him to be mine and I to be his. 

I want our happy ending.

Ever since the time we got to know each other, I guess I have loved and adored him. He used to be so cheerful and warm to me. He was the type of kid who was good at everything, while I was the awkward, clumsy boy who knew nothing. I never talked much, I was too scared to say a thing and had a hard time making friends. Now that I remember, I was also not someone who would check the boxes of the Korean beauty standards! Even as a middle schooler, I was shorter than the other kids and carried a good amount of baby fat. Also, my dark skin didn't help either. My classmates laughed and mocked me almost every single day and surprisingly enough, I had accepted my fate.

That's when I met Kyungsoo, and my life changed.

He became the moon to my darkest nights, and the sun to my solar system.

He played with me, didn't tell me how ugly I looked, and never judged me for anything I did or said. He introduced me to the world of dancing, helped me with my studies, and boosted my self-esteem to a level where I could take a stand for myself, and for that, I will be always grateful to him. As we gradually became inseparable, rumors started to spread about Kyungsoo being a gold digger, but I knew they were just jealous of our friendship! They were jealous of his kindness, his beauty, and his courage to stand up for himself. Even though he was a scholarship student, but teachers respected him and trusted him more than the other elite students in our class. And when we finally confessed to each other, they became jealous of our once-in-a-lifetime love.

But we didn't care about any of it.

We had built our own little world where everything was perfect - until that awful, scary night happened.

A night that broke everything apart.  

I understand his hatred towards me. He had gone through a lot because of me, and I cannot justify any of it. For a long time, I was even ashamed of facing him. However, us not being together was killing me every day. He was my first friend, my best friend, my first crush, and my first love! He was the only thing that my brain and heart knew or thought about. A life without him was a waste and I was too weak to continue without him.

So now, I need to clear things up 'cause I cannot stand this coldness of him anymore.

I want the bond that we've shared back.

I want him back. 

Yo Jongin! You can do it!

"Umm if it's okay with you, then can we, take a stroll by the park?" Kyungsoo stopped in his tracks, turned around, and gave me a blank stare.

"Are you being serious?"

"Uh, yea-"

"Who the goes to the park this late?" His sudden scream almost made me go deaf. Wow, how can someone so short possess that sort of vocal pitch?

"Don't you have to go home?"

"I do, but I want to take a walk. With you." 

"Whatever!" Kyungsoo groaned and thanks to my luck, we both went to the park. It was a little chilly and my thin shirt wasn't able to provide me with enough warmth. Kyungsoo might have noticed me rubbing my palms together because now we were standing under a dimly lit lamp, which wasn't enough to help my shivering body but hey - look at the bright side!

He still cared about me!

"Be quick if you have to say something!" he said irritatingly.

Without a word, I reached out for his hands and intertwined our fingers. As his warm fingers laced up with my cold ones, I glanced up and was welcomed by Kyungsoo's eyes as wide as the clear, white sky. Other people call it scary whenever he does that, but to me, they were stunning!

"YA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" He tried to pull away but thankfully, I had grown stronger over the years and held even more tightly. His face grew grim and he was about to say something but I took the opportunity to cut him off. 

"You know what today is?" I asked as memories of our past flooded my head.

"NO! I DON'T! Now let me -"

"Do you really not?"

At that, Kyungsoo stood silent, his expressions unreadable.

Sometimes, I really want to be like Edward Cullen so that every time his no-talk mode is on, I can read his mind! 

How can I forget the night when a mad dog was chasing me and I was all crying and running to save myself but somehow ended up tripping and falling hard on the ground? I was damn sure that the monstrous being will eat me up alive, but that's when Kyungsoo entered the frame like a Superhero, gave me his hand, and helped me up on a tree. We didn't climb down until we saw the dog leaving the area.

"You're safe now! I'm Kyungsoo.!"

I looked at him with blurred eyes and replied in a sobbing voice. "J-Jongin." 

"Don't cry! I will always protect you from the dogs and the cats!"

"Promise?"

"Pinky promise!" 

"It is the day when we first met, Soo," I said with my gaze now fixed on him. "And you promised me..that you'll always protect me. You remember?" 

 I saw his body stiffening and his eyes shifted to the full moon instead. After a moment of silence, he looked straight into my eyes and said in a dry voice.

"What if I don't want to?" 

I knew he was lying. He just wanted to hurt me. He wanted to push me away by saying these hurting things to me. He wanted to show me how insignificant I, and our shared past was in his life. But I am not going to give up, not now, not ever!

"You're not a good liar, Soo." 

"Listen Jongin, I don't have time for your-"

"I know why you're always this cold to me!" Kyungsoo looked at me with confused eyes.

"I know everything about that night Kyungsoo! I heard every damn word my parents said to you that day. They wanted you to forget about me! They wanted you to stop being by my side, didn't they?"

Kyungsoo was now looking at me in disbelief and horror. He looked like he wanted to say something but again, I beat him to it! 

"My parents were wrong, I know, and I am extremely sorry for everything that they've said to you! But please, please stop hating me! I cannot take it!"

"Jongin ing liste-"

"I LOVE YOU DAMMIT! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS EVERY TIME YOU ARE NOT WITH ME!" I blurted out my feelings and held his hand stronger. "I love you so much it hurts every time I have to listen to some..some random dickhead come and ask you out! I feel like beating the hell out of people who try to hurt you in any way! I love you so much that I could do anything for you! And I know you love me too!"

"How can you be so delusional?" Kyungsoo taunted, his demeanor detached and eyes piercing through my soul. 

"Soo.." I tried to calm the tears that were forming in my eyes but what he said next hit me like a sudden gust of wind.

"Listen carefully because I am going to tell you this for the last time - I don't love you, Kim Jongin!" As soon as the words registered in my head, the world crumbled around me. Tears wouldn't stop tainting my cheeks, and as I knelt on the cold ground, sobs escaped my mouth. Why was this happening to me? Why did this happen to us? What did we do so wrong that the heavens were punishing us?

WHY?

"I... why... Soo.. I.." 

"I don't love you because I like Chanyeol!" 

And with that being said, Kyungsoo left while I stayed in the same position, crying for the shattered illusion of our shared love.