"I'm nuts! Baby, I'm mad!
The craziest friend that you've ever had.
You think I'm psycho, you think I'm gone
Tell the psychiatrist, something is wrong!

Over the bend, entirely bonkers!
You like me best when I'm off my rocker!
Tell you a secret, I'm not alarmed.
So what if I'm crazy? The best people are!"

-Melanie Martinez, "Mad Hatter"

+++
Alice Syndrome: A hallucinatory psychosis in which the subject believes to be “Alice” in their own Wonderland. The delusions held by one with Alice Syndrome can be very vivid, in extreme cases, making it hard to distinguish the delusion from reality. They may also have vivid recurring nightmares and dissociate from peers due to daydreaming, panic attacks, or talking to imaginary friends. They will also develop somewhat of a split personality, even referring to themselves as “Alice”.

Any individual who shows signs of Alice Syndrome is advised to seek immediate psychiatric therapy and are to be prescribed with regular doses of medication for any and all auditory/visual hallucinations and/or insomnia due to nightmares.
+++

“3… 2… 1.”

Snap!

Jurina felt her mind spring awake, finding herself laying on a couch in her therapist’s office. She had just finished her hypnotherapy session, her mind waking up from the trance she was in. She slowly sat up, her eyes blinking furiously as she faced the woman.

“How do you feel, Jurina?” the woman said in a soft, calm tone.

“I feel… fine. Better than the last time, actually.”

“That’s good,” the therapist wrote down her notes, with a pen that had a red rose on the top of its lid. “The visions have calmed down greatly. We’re making progress.”

Jurina smiled a bit, adjusting her hair as she watched the woman write.

“You’re still taking regular medication?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. And I’ve noticed your journal entries have become much better. Things have calmed down up there, that’s a good sign. Maybe you can finally go back to writing.”

“I plan to, actually,” she said, receiving a smile from the woman.

“I can’t wait to see your official comeback work.”

“Thanks, Rena-san.”

---------------------

A writer with Alice Syndrome. Matsui Jurina, 20 years old. College student. A girl who’s life would otherwise be peaceful and normal, if it weren’t for her condition.

She was diagnosed at age 11, when her parents noticed her vivid imagination. How she would play with creatures visible only in her mind, and how she would often refuse to play with kids in school and retreat to her “Wonderland”.

Middle school is when the situation grew drastic. Her nightmares and panic attacks were more violent. She developed mood swings and her grades were flunking. By the time she was 14, Jurina shut herself away from school, only wanting to stay with her White Rabbit, Cheshire Cat, and beloved Mad Hatter.

Treatments began a year after. Regular appointments with Rena, and three regular doses of medication a day. Morning before breakfast, afternoon or after lunch hours, and just before bed. Journal entries chronicled her progress. Visions of cats smiling grimacingly, animals in suits and dresses, flying pigs... And a wretched Queen of Hearts after Jurina’s head.

Almost 5 years now, and she found through her high school creative writing class that she enjoyed writing. No matter how vivid her hallucinations, she found comfort in sculpting worlds of stories on pen and paper.

At 17, she won the high school state championship for young writers. At 18, she published her first novel. She had an otherwise well career, if it weren’t for the delusions that held her back.

She had to take a break from writing. It seemed even when she was doing something she loved, Wonderland found a way to haunt her. No matter how hard she tried, she could hear the Mad Hatter’s singing, and the loud ticking of the White Rabbit’s clock…

------------------------

“That’s great, Jurina-san!” Sakura, a high school student and fond comrade of Jurina’s spoke as they sat in the cafe.

Sakura was a long time fan of Jurina’s work. She had the three novels she published before her hiatus, the second of which actually signed by Jurina herself. That was how they met, and they frequently rendezvoused in this coffee and fresh baked bread scented sanctuary ever since.

“I can’t wait to read your next novel! Kyaa, thinking about it already has me fangirling!”

“Hey, not so loud,” Jurina said, receiving a shy giggle from the girl.

“Sorry.”

“I’m glad you’re so patient, though. Social media’s constantly bombarding me with ‘When the hell are you going off hiatus?!’, so I decided to break away from that as well.”

“I must. I mean, your situation is very difficult. I don’t have AS myself, but… it must be hard to write when all you can think about is talking animals and mad people.”

Jurina looked around, before giving a smirk.

“Actually, can I tell you a secret?”

Sakura nodded silently.

“Before I went on hiatus, sometimes… I skipped my afternoon dose.”

“Y-you would?!”

“It helped me to… think. I always had an active imagination as a child. So, I just, every now and then, let myself give into the madness.”

“Now that I think about it, your third novel was a lot more surreal and strange compared to your others,” Sakura pointed out. “So… it was really because you gave yourself over to your delusions? You let yourself become.. ‘Alice’?”

“I just needed to control it, that was all. But as I was transitioning into college and into the responsibility of adulthood, I found the stress was making my hallucinations worse. So I had to take a break from writing and strengthened my prescription.”

“That sounds bad.”

Jurina gave her a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry about it. My mom helps me through it all, my teachers understand my situation, and Rena-san is extremely nice.”

“And you have me!” Sakura said with a wide smile, making the writer chuckle as she took a sip of her coffee.

“Right. And I have you.”

Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock…

Jurina’s ear twitched. She looked over and saw a cuckoo clock hanging on the wall just across the room. “Did they always have that? No, it’s new… How come I didn’t hear it till now?”

Tick… Tock… Tick… Tock…

The gentle swaying of the pendulum under the clock was mesmerizing. It was strangely reminiscent of the pendant Rena would use in her sessions. A metronomic swaying that was captivating her attention…

“Alice~”

Jurina shot her head back to Sakura. The high school girl was now dressed as the Mad Hatter, staring at her with wild eyes and a mad smile. An eccentric giggle escape her lips as she lifted up a teapot, pouring blood red tea into a porcelain cup which soon started to overflow.

“..rina-san?”

“Jurina-san,” Sakura nudged the girl, making her blink as the hallucination faded. The high schooler looked at Jurina worriedly. “Is everything alright?”

“Ah, yeah. I’m fine,” she said briefly as she took out her prescription bottle to take her medication.

-----------------------

“Where are you, Jurina?”

“I’m… in the street. Faces are blurred.. There’s no color…”

Meow~

“There’s a cat. I want to follow it…”

“Don’t follow it.”

But I want to know where it’s going..!

“Alice~”

“Someone’s calling me… Alice…”

“Don’t listen to them, Jurina. Say it with me. You’re not ‘Alice’.”

“I’m… not Alice.”

“Say it with certainty.”

“Alice, weren’t you told never to take orders from the Red Queen?”

“Hatter..?”

“Jurina, she’s not real. Say it. Say she isn’t real.”

“Alice~ Come, it’s time for tea.”

“You’re.. not.. real...”

--------------------

Jurina retreated to her room straight after dinner. The first thing she did was move to her desk and started brainstorming what she would write about. A full year without writing seemed to have dulled her creative gears in her head.

She sat, and thought, and waited for an idea to come…

Then thought, and thought, and thought some more. But no use.

She let out a small groan, tapping her pen against the wooden desk. She leaned back in her chair, looking out her window, and seeing a butterfly perched.

Butterfly… Caterpillar…

As she was staring, she saw how vibrantly blue the butterfly was, while the city was a monochromic grey.

Now that she thought about it, things around her were so boring. Lacking of any true excitement. No matter how peaceful and calm, it just didn’t feel right.

Only in her mind, in her dreams filled with delusions, was where the fun was. She didn’t really care how neurotic the White Rabbit was, how troublesome and tricky the Cheshire Cat acted, or any of the Red Queen’s temper tantrums.

So… why? Why was she letting herself give up Wonderland? Why did she let herself say the Mad Hatter was just a figment of her imagination?

“Because that’s what they want. Rena-san, mom… They want me to be normal.”

She decided to write about the world she had always envisioned in her mind. Her Wonderland… She wrote about the talking cats and rabbits, about the flowers that would sing and talk for hours. She wrote of a girl with butterfly wings having tea and discussing riddles with a mad man. And of other crazy visions like eyeballs with wings and giant mushrooms.

Why is a raven like a writing desk? Can you riddle me that?

“I haven’t the slightest idea.”

Without even realizing, words were trailing down the page. Images of her crazy and eccentric world were brought to life on the page. She could practically see the world around her changing as she let her delusional mind whirr in whimsy. And she completely forgot about her pills.

----------------------

“Alice… Why did you say such hurtful things?”

“I’m sorry, Hatter. It wasn’t me.”

“I know. Jurina wants to be normal. Because she knows that’s what everyone wants her to be.”

“It’s boring… I can’t be me. They’re going to erase you and make me ‘proper’. I’m not going to be able to see you or Rabbit anymore.”

“You know what I think we should do?”

“What’s that?”

“...Juri...re you awa…?”

“Why don’t we take her head before she takes ours?”

Cuckoo!

Jurina’s eyes snapped open. She found herself on the floor, hearing her mother’s voice.

“Jurina! Are you up, sweetie?”

“Y-yeah, I’m up!”

Jurina sat up, seeing her room was a mess. Her pills were scattered across the floor, and on her desk, she saw the same phrase over and over on the white pages.

“Let us be mad!”

“Oh no…”

--------------------

Jurina bolted to Rena’s office, pounding the door in a panic. Once her therapist opened the door and saw her, she immediately became worried.

“Jurina, what’s wrong?”

“I-I don’t know what’s happening… Last night, I.. I was just writing and.. Suddenly, the hallucinations..! The visions..!”

“They came back? But you’ve been taking your prescriptions, haven’t you?”

“Yes, but, I don’t understand. I-I shouldn’t be having relapses! The pills should be working!”

“Calm down,” Rena said, holding the tense girl. “We’ll figure this out. Just relax. I’ll make tea, if you want.”

Tea.. Hatter..!

“N-no thank you…” Jurina declined, sitting down in her seat.

It was then that the phone rang.

“Sorry, I gotta take this,” the woman apologized before answering the call. “Hello?”

Rena’s voice drowned out as Jurina tried to calm herself, closing her eyes momentarily. She tried to focus on the ticking of the clock in her office. Maybe that would…

“Wait… since when was Rena’s clock so loud?”

Jurina opened her eyes and looked around. She couldn’t find a clock that could’ve been making the loud sound she was hearing. So where..?

Buzz buzz!

She then felt her phone vibrate. She looked and saw it was from Sakura. She quickly answered, seeing Rena still on the phone.

“Sakura?” she whispered. “I can’t talk right now. I’m with Rena-san, and--”

“Jurina?”

“What?”

“Off with her head.”

Jurina out for a moment. But when she came to, she saw a horrifying sight. Her psychiatrist, Rena, collapsed on the ground. Her eyes wide and lifeless, and a pool of blood under her.

Her hands shook, until she saw the woman’s very blood on her hands. She breathed in sharply, her heart pounding in her ears.

“I… I killed.. Rena-san..!”

Blood, red as roses, took over her vision. Her mind overloaded.

“NOOOOO!!!!”

….

Someone kicked the door open. They waltzed in with a satisfied grin, their eyes laying upon the dead woman.

“The Red Queen has finally been dethroned,” the girl said as she picked up the rose pen, breaking it in half.

She then approached Jurina, who had fainted on the carpet. She smiled, caressing her face.

“Well done… Alice.”

Jurina’s eyes opened. She saw the face of Miyawaki Sakura, smiling down upon her. However, her mind was calm and clear. She smiled back at her.

“Hatter.”

-------------------------------

+++
Mad Hatter’s Disease: A mental condition in which the subject experiences psychosis and psychopathic tendencies. They will act violently if their emotions are triggered, often have mood swings of manic happiness and anger, and are shown to be very smart and cunning, but unable to feel empathy or attachment to most people (or sometimes an unhealthy obsession toward one person).

You could say, it’s a variation of Alice Syndrome.
+++

One and a half years since they met. One and a half years ago, Sakura fell in love with Jurina…

No, she fell for the madness within.

She loved the Alice inside her. So of course, she couldn’t accept anyone trying to take away Alice. To take away the crazy would be taking away fun. And the Queen of Hearts was a killer of dreams. If she didn’t do something, she’d become just like everyone else, unable to think for herself and drained of all her individuality.

So, she did the one thing she knew she could do to save Alice; neutralize Jurina’s treatments.

It was all very simple. Sakura wasn’t just going to let the world turn her dear Alice into a mindless puppet obeying the Queen’s law. She needed to free her; she needed Alice to give into her madness. The Queen’s propaganda brainwashing needed to be broken. She needed to condition her. Reverse hypnosis.

Make sure the delusions are still present. A few triggers should do the trick.

“Poison mushroom” Don’t take the pills.

“Tick tock tick tock” Always be alert and aware.

“Off with her head” Kill the Red Queen and any of her subjects.

Make her accept who she is.

“Say it with me, Jurina. You are Alice.”

“I am Alice…”

“You can trust the Cheshire Cat.”

“How could I say no to that smile?”

“Would you like some tea?”

“I’d love some.”

Sugar pills to keep her from sleeping. Subliminal messages hidden in music.

And art. Sakura loved drawing and painting. She drew the world she envisioned, her paradise. A utopia for her and her Alice, Wonderland. And she made sure those images were engraved in Jurina’s mind.

“This is home, Alice. Wonderland is the only place we can truly call home.”

“Home…”

“Red Queen bad~, mad tea parties good~.”

“Down with the Red Queen! Off with her head!”

“That’s right. Off with her head! Hahaha!”

“Hehehe… Hahahahaha!”

Yes, all to protect Alice. Jurina was the Alice to Sakura’s Mad Hatter. And this boring world would soon be their Wonderland…

….

Purrr…

“Good cat…” Jurina smiled, a small giggle escaping her lips as she petted the dirty stray. “Let’s go home, Cheshire.”

She picked up the cat, unaware of the dirty looks being given to her and Sakura.

“Come, Alice, with the Queen of Hearts gone, someone has to tend to Wonderland,” Sakura said with a mad grin. “I think we’re the perfect ones in doing so.”

She held out her hand, which Jurina took with an affectionate smile.

“Let’s not be late.”