They dressed me in the bluest garments I’ve ever seen. A deep, royal blue with beautiful designs covering it from head to toe. They gave me a new, fresh cheopji with a dragon on the end, glittering when the bright gemstones caught the light. It was absolutely beautiful and I was so enthused to know that it was all for me, too.

Then when reality sunk back in I felt guilty more than anything. I was stealing another woman’s life. Whether she was dead or still alive, I had no clue, and I had no right being in her place. The guilt tugged on my insides, it was so strong. When it got to be that intense, I breathed deep a few times to relax my mind and tried not to think of the real queen.

Lady Choi helped me with dressing and my hair. Thankfully because I was queen, I wasn’t expected to do much on my own, they did it for me. And it surely was complicated. So many layers—I felt like I was drowning in fabric. And the hair piece was much heavier than I was used to; I had to pay extra attention to the way I lifted my head so it wouldn’t lean random ways.

After I was finished with my new wardrobe, Lady Choi announced that the king was entering my quarters. I nodded slowly (I couldn’t nod much faster because of the hair piece). The women servants standing outside opened the doors for the king and let him in.

His posture was completely straight, his shoulders back and his chest pushed out in confidence. He held his head high with authority, yet the gentleness of his face gave him a soft, modest look. It was refreshing.

He smiled sweetly and nodded his head in greeting, not saying anything until the servants and Lady Choi had left my room completely.

I stood from the cushioned seat I was sitting in to bow. “Hello, Your Majesty.”

“Hello,” he replied cheerfully. I guess now that he had a replacement for his wife, he could relax a little. “You look lovely.” His eyes looked me up and down like he was seeing me for the first time.

My cheeks became pink and I looked away from the slight discomfort I was feeling.

He clapped his hands together, grabbing my attention. His smile had spread and he held his hand out, extending his long fingers towards me.

I hesitantly reached out for him. When the tips of my fingers touched his, he slid his fingers under mine and captured my hand, gently pulling me towards him. I willingly went, though somewhat confused.

“Today we are scheduled to go to the temple and learn for a while before coming back. I have something planned.” His eyes glowed with something I couldn’t exactly recognize, but I assumed it was self-pride.  

“Temple? Learn?” I gradually became confused.

“Yes, temple. We will learn of Confucianism.” His expression seemed to change with mine, turning from joy to worry. “It will be a beautiful temple, there is nothing to worry about. It’s built for the royal family.”

“I . . . can’t go. That’s not really what I believe in. . . .” I averted my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see the look on his face.

“Are you . . . a Buddhist?” His tone became sour and I could hear the distaste in his voice.

“What’s wrong with Buddhists?”

“That’s not the state ideology. Political figures should believe in Neo-Confucianism.” His voice was hard and I could sense his disapproval.

“No, I’m not a Buddhist,” I snapped, a little more harshly than I had intended.

“Then?”

I glanced up at his anticipating face. “I’m a Christian.”

“Christian?” He said the word like it was foreign.

And that’s when I wanted to kick myself because I realized it was foreign. Christianity wasn’t brought to Korea yet.

“What’s a Christian?” He had pulled me away from him a bit more so he could look me straight in the face and search for an answer there.

“Uh . . . it’s some religion. Out west. Where I was. For a while.” I closed my eyes tightly, silently cursing myself.

“You’re from the western countries?”

“Um, sure.” I nodded and tried to look convincing but I’m sure I just looked foolish. “Way out there. Somewhere.”

He was confused. Very confused. It was plain as day—it might as well have been written all over his forehead. “Well, the queen was not a Christian.” The word came out weirdly, like he was twisting the pronunciation, which only further proved how new it was to him.

“But, I can’t simply learn another ideology—”

He sighed and his head fell forward, his chin touching his chest. Suddenly, he whipped his head back up and firmly looked me in my eyes. “For one day, please listen to the lesson. The real queen would never miss it.”

Now it was my turn to sigh. A deep, heavy, burdensome sigh. I looked everywhere but at him while I thought.

It’s not like it would kill me. As long as I don’t have to worship anything I should be okay. Right?

I looked back at the king and forced a smile that I hoped looked natural. “I’ll do it.”

He returned the grin and gripped my shoulders firmly. “Wonderful.”

“You know, you owe me a lot of favors,” I whispered as he escorted me out of the room.

I didn’t think he heard me until he glanced at me from the corner of his eye and chuckled to himself.

The lesson was boring. And my started hurting like only a few minutes in. It felt like it lasted a week, but since there wasn’t any clocks I couldn’t even check the time.

And they were so philosophical I could barely follow along. My mind was just a mess. It’s been a mess ever since I arrived.

When we got back to the palace it was already dark out and the stars were shining bright. I could pick out the big dipper and the little dipper constellations. It was amazing that even though I was 450 years in the past that the sky was the same.

King Park Chanyeol took notice of where I was staring and looked into the sky with me. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

I turned to see him gazing at the stars and I could hear the servants rustle around us, trying to figure out the proper following distance.

“It’s very beautiful,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

He was grinning again when his attention switched to me. “Come. I have something to show you.”

He grabbed my hand and began walking, taking me somewhere I’ve seen before. It was a beautiful pavilion. Hyangwonjeong Pavilion to be exact. It was built on an artificial island with a long bridge connecting it to the palace grounds. The bridge and pavilion’s names are oriented by their fragrance and it was absolutely breathtaking. The water was filled with lily pads and lotus flowers and the ground was covered in luscious green grass and flowers that added color to the ground.

The pavilion was a hexagon shape and was more than one story tall. This was the pavilion that was used for the king’s informal and private, leisure time, unlike Gyeonghoeru, which was used for formal banquets.

Although Gyeonghoeru is a beautiful pavilion—so beautiful it was once featured on the 10,000 won banknote—I did prefer the smaller, more private Hyangwonjeong Pavilion. Even if it didn’t have that amazing Korean architecture that got the other pavilion its fame, I still believed the relaxation Hyangwonjeong settled over me was much more valuable.

The king slowed his pace down a little once we crossed the bridge half way, his servants struggling to keep up.

We gradually walked across the bridge, admiring its views and everything else it had to offer. I made sure to touch the wooden railing and feel the planks beneath my feet and take in the scent of the flowers and fresh water. I tried to take notice of every single tree and every ripple that disrupted the still water. I tried my hardest to take it all in because I didn’t know when I’d be able to see it again.

Once we walked up the steps to the pavilion, the king turned around and smiled at me. He shot a warning glance towards his Eunuch, who took a few steps back, along with the rest of the servants.

“I’ve only came here by myself,” he began telling me with his voice low. The way he looked and sounded was oddly charming, which I guess would come natural when you’re a valued king across the nation. “You’re the first person to ever come with me.”

I tilted my head with confusion and made sure to keep my voice at a whisper. “You’ve never taken the queen here?”

He shook his head with confirmation and reached for both of my hands, taking them in his. “No, I have not.”

“Then why . . . ?”

“To show you that I trust you. And hopefully now you can to trust me, too.” The sincerity that was always written on his face made me happy, but also worried. I wondered if anyone took him lightly because of the honesty in every expression he made. But I could also imagine everyone loving him even more once they noticed the truth behind every word he’s spoken. There were two ways to think about it.

“I trust easily,” I said, looking up at him through my eyelashes.

He frowned. “That’s not good. You should make people earn your trust.”

I shook my head lightly. “If I live by that rule, no one would ever make the effort. I’m not that important to people back home.” My eyes wandered away from his as I thought of the my classmates. They didn’t really care about me anyways. It’s not like any one would go through the extra effort just for me to trust them.

“If they can’t do the work, they’re not worth getting to know.”

His words sunk into my mind as he stared at me. They bugged me, but not because they were untrue or because I was angry about him saying them. They bugged me because it was true and I felt like no one would ever do that for me.

But I was wrong. He was doing it for me.

I didn’t reply and only nodded once, then he smiled in understanding and pulled me under the pavilion. His hands were soft and warm as they wrapped around mine and I asked myself if I was ever going to get used to that feeling.

“Thank you for agreeing,” he whispered finally as we looked over the water and up at the moon and stars.

The moon’s rippling reflection in the water seemed just as bright as the actual moon glowing in the sky. The stars hugged the moon with happy, beautiful beams of light. It made me smile.

“You’re very welcome.”

We turned and looked at each other at the same time and my smile slowly faded.

His eyes were so deep and brown and warm and . . . and . . . so close. They were so close.

“So close,” I whispered unconsciously.

His eyebrows pulled together. “Huh?”

“They’re so close,” I answered a little louder.

“What is?”

I swallowed and moved my gaze from one of his eyes to the other, taking them in one at a time. “You.”

He took a deep breath and his lips parted slightly.

“You,” I said again.

Hi! So there's a few things I want to say:

(1) When I was talking about the Buddhists, I want to make it clear that I have nothing against that religion, however, during that time it was somewhat frowned upon by political figures because they had made Neo-Confucianism their state ideology, so that's what I was trying to put in there

(2) I'm going on vacation from August 22 to August 30 so I won't be able to update for those days. Just a heads up

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