Days went faster. Sunggyu didn’t know that the days had gone this fast. He didn’t even realise when the day turned to night as he made himself busy working in the print shop. You knew why he made himself busy, right?

That was because his complicated feelings, towards a girl who would be his best friend’s wife.

He hated the fact, that just in the short time, he had fallen for the girl. He hated to say this that he liked the girl. He hated that fact. He hated it, because those feelings made him hard to fall asleep, he lost appetite to eat, he felt he was going crazy. Yes, he was already crazy. Why had he fell in love with that girl who was somebody else’s soon to be wife? Well, it was not somebody, it was his best friend’s. He felt so stupid. He really was.

All he wanted to do was just keeping himself busy, so he didn’t want to remember anything about her.

But it was just his wish, since everything was like screaming her name in front of him.

He hoped she was there, among the customers of his print shop, the one who came like usual. But she was not. She was not there. It was obvious.
The wedding would be held the day after tomorrow.

Why should she come here? She had no business in here. She must be busy preparing for the wedding. Why did Sunggyu want her to come? Was it because he missed her?

Stop it, Kim Sunggyu. He slapped himself. He should not think of her again, he had to stop.

He must stop thinking about her, and yes, he should stop loving her.

Unexpectedly rain fell hard two hours before he closed his shop. Almost all of his staff went home. Sunggyu was left with one of them who said would leave in 10 minutes. That staff, a high-schooler boy who did a part-time job in Sunggyu’s shop, looked at Sunggyu intently. Getting irritated, Sunggyu asked him.

“What’s your problem, kiddo?”

The boy shook his head, but then he asked. “Boss, I always want to ask this, but where is that female customer who always comes everyday? That one, who always looked for you.”

Sunggyu froze at that question. It was obvious that boy was talking about her. At some seconds it was hard for Sunggyu to breathe. “She has printed all photos she wanted. Why should she come back?” Sunggyu replied with hoarse voice.

That little boy looked puzzled. “So, she won’t come back here?”

“She won’t.” Sunggyu answered simply, but of course it was not as simple as that.

“But, why? I thought she still had reasons to come here.” That boy said. He sounded disappointed. It was strange though.

Sunggyu looked at him. “Why do you think she still has reasons to come here?”

“Because I think she’s your girlfriend. She should come back here to see you, shouldn’t she?”

Sunggyu let out a heavy sigh. How could he think of that?  “She’s not my girlfriend.” He stated.

The boy looked puzzled once again. “You broke up with her?”

“She’s not my girlfriend!” Sunggyu started to get fueled with anger. Why did he have to get angry over this?

“Really?”     

This boy is really annoying.

“But why did I get the feeling that you like her, boss?”

Is that really obvious?

“Stop asking, you little kid.” Sunggyu grumbled. That boy looked scared with Sunggyu’s death glare and decided to leave the shop as soon as possible, even though it was still raining outside. Sunggyu sighed hard.

Why does everything and everyone one remind me about you?

Sunggyu covered his face with his palms.

Rain was not going to stop, most likely. Sunggyu was walking in the rain with an umbrella from his shop. It was not really late night, but he hadn’t had dinner and he had planned to not have any. It was really like he was trying to torture himself, as he was sad over someone who would never be his. And today, at this time, he felt like the sky really knew how he felt. The rain was not going to stop.

Sunggyu had his eyes on some people on the street. He saw some boys who were running in rain, some other were waiting the rain to stop in front of mini markets. Ah, he also saw couple who shared umbrellas. Once again Sunggyu was with that lonely feeling. He was alone here under his umbrella, he just looked at the couples with the pain inside him. He sighed hard once again as there was a man who helping a girl wearing a raincoat. The view looked sweet. The man patiently helped the girl even though he was hit by the rain. The girl just looked at the man without saying anything, but she slightly smiled.

Sunggyu wondered why the guy looked so familiar, and later he slapped himself as he recognised his own best friend Nam Woohyun.

And oh, he was with his fiancée? With her?

Sunggyu felt his heart hurt.

He didn’t know why he felt so jealous, instead of feeling happy.

Why did he think he would feel happy? He had seen her, right? Was that all he wanted?

No, it wasn’t.

He wanted her here with him, not with other guy.

He must be out of his mind.

He let out a heavy sigh before he turned around, looking for a restaurant. He thought he needed to eat. Suddenly he felt hungry.

Sunggyu was still walking in the rain before then he found a tent which sold Soju and fried octopus. Thinking that that was what he needed, he decided to come by. He was surprised to see familiar person there. He saw Lee Sungyeol sitting alone, drinking alone, and talking alone. Why is he here?

Sunggyu pulled a chair in front of Sungyeol. “Yah, Lee Sungyeol, why are you here?”

It needed 15 seconds for Sungyeol to recognise Sunggyu. “GYU HYUUNGG.” That was all he said, trying to have Sunggyu in his arms. Sunggyu quickly pulled away. 

“Why are you here?” Sunggyu repeated his question. “Are you alone?” he looked around, looking at some other customers who were probably Sungyeol’s friends.

Sungyeol, with his half closed eyes, chuckled. “I’m not…not alone. I’m, I’m with my...my colleagues. Right, guys?” he laughed.

Where are they? Sunggyu rolled his eyes. Sungyeol was really drunk.

“Where is your phone? Let me call your wife. You’re really drunk,” Sunggyu asked him.

“DON’T CALL HER. DON’T TELL HER I’M HERE. DON’T CALL HER, PLEASE.” Sungyeol suddenly shouted. Sunggyu was shocked to death. Later Sungyeol giggled. It was really scary though.

“Then, I should bring you home.” Sunggyu said, rose from his chair.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Sungyeol squalled. “I want to be hereeee.”

Drunken Sungyeol is always like this.

“Why don’t you have a drink, hyung?” Sungyeol offered. “I think it’s not a bad idea.” he giggled like a little boy.

Sunggyu froze.

Well, it’s not a bad idea, Lee Sungyeol.

Sungyeol told Sunggyu, with that drunkenly voice of his, that he did a mistake at work, which would make him losing his job. Listening to his story, Sunggyu could conclude that it was not entirely Sungyeol’s fault, but it was also his senior’s fault. So, their boss couldn’t make decision to fire only Sungyeol.

“It’s end for me if the CEO knows about it.” Sungyeol said drunkenly, sipping his Soju. “What can I tell my wife? How can we make a living if I get fired? And we’re now expecting a baby. I can’t be jobless.”

Sungyeol is having a hard time.

All Sunggyu could do at this time was just comforting this friend of his. He told Sungyeol that he wouldn’t get fired and he must think positively. Sungyeol, still being that drunk man, just nodded and kept drinking Soju. Without Sunggyu knew, he also drank Soju together with Sungyeol. Now at this time, Sunggyu felt his head hurt and his vision became blurry. O-oh. This was not good.

Seconds later he found himself talking with drunkenly voice, same as Sungyeol.

“You know, hyung,” Sungyeol started the conversation again after they ordered some bottles of Soju,”I never see you drink Soju so much like this. Do you have any problem?”

Sunggyu looked up at his friend. He couldn’t even see Sungyeol’s face clearly. His eyes were so heavy, and he didn’t know why.

“Problem? Do I look like a person who has any problem?” he asked back drunkenly.

Sungyeol nodded many times. “You sure do, today. Not today, but yesterday. Ah, not yesterday, but some days ago.” He surely didn’t get what himself said.

“You’re right, Yeollie, I have a problem.” Sunggyu replied after he drank a glass of Soju. He hissed to feel the liquid come down through his throat.

“You sure do?” Sungyeol sounded so excited drunkenly. Sunggyu just nodded. “What’s your problem about?”

“It’s so complicated.” Sunggyu answered, shaking his hand. He laughed after that.

“In what way?” Sungyeol asked back. “What is it about?”

Sunggyu started to feel nauseated, but he answered Sungyeol’s question anyways. “A girl.”

“A girl?” Sungyeol smiled widely. He laughed, sounded so happy. “Your girlfriend?”

“No.” Sunggyu shook his head and his hands. “She’s not my girlfriend. She’s not mine. She’s somebody else’s girlfriend.” It was sad to say this, but that was the reality. It was the reality, which would never be forgotten by him, even when he was drunk. Sure, it hurt, it hurt him so much.

“But, why are you having a problem about a girl who is not even yours?” Sungyeol asked innocently. He was too drunk and Sunggyu almost couldn’t catch what he said.

“I love her, that’s the problem.” Sunggyu tried to take another bottle of Soju as he realised the closer bottle next to his glass was already empty.

“And why do you love her? Is she really that attractive?” Sungyeol nudged Sunggyu. Sunggyu just smiled slightly.

“She’s funny.” He honestly answered. He imagined her face. “When she smiles, I can’t help but smile. Her eyes are sparkling, hypnotysing. Talking to her is what I always want. She has a nice voice that everyone will be attracted to.”

“Wow, she sounds very attractive.” Sungyeol commented.

“She really is.” Sunggyu nodded, smiling like an idiot.

“But, what is it again? She has a boyfriend already? And she doesn’t choose you, hyung?” Sungyeol sounded puzzled.

Sunggyu shook his hand. “It’s not like she doesn’t choose me. I didn’t know that she has a boyfriend.”

“So, she lied to you?” Sungyeol guessed.

“Lying is not the right word.” Sunggyu answered. “It just happened that way. I don’t know.”

“And, what’s your plan?” Sungyeol asked Sunggyu.

Sunggyu raised an eyebrow. “I don’t plan anything.”

Sungyeol chuckled. He patted Sunggyu’s arm. “You know, hyung, as a man you can do something. You can steal the girl.”

“Hah? Are you crazy? Why should I do that?” Sunggyu protested.

Sungyeol hissed. “Eyyy, you said you loved her. You can do anything to have her. You can steal her from her boyfriend and make her yours.” He giggled. 

“Lee Sungyeol, you’re really drunk.” Sunggyu said.

“No, no, no, hyung! That’s an advice for you. You must fight for her, fight for your love.” Sungyeol took a sip of Soju again.

“Lee Sungyeol, you’re crazy.” Sunggyu said, rose from his chair. Sungyeol looked confused.

“Where are you going, hyung? Don’t leave me alone.” He cried like a little boy.

Sunggyu smirked after paid for the drinks. “I’m leaving.”

The night was colder, the rain was still pouring. Sunggyu drunkenly walked under his umbrella. It was a horrible choice to go home in drunk. But Sunggyu really needed to go home. All in his head was to sleep on his bed, because his head started to ache. He even couldn’t walk properly, but he just wanted to go home. Everything started to be blurry, he couldn’t see the road clearly. He didn’t even know if he was in the right way or not. He tried to gain consciousness. He slapped himself.

“Get yourself together, Kim Sunggyu!” he talked to himself. Then, he started to walk again, but this time, was no different than some minutes ago. He was still wobbling.

He had bumped into some people many times, and he just bowed without even saying his sorry. After bumping into someone again, he felt like he was going to vomit. He stopped walking, dropping his umbrella and throwing up. It got his knees weaker. He almost fainted if someone was not holding him.

“Sunbae?”

He thought he heard that voice. He thought he heard her voice. He thought she was here.

She was standing in front of him, in raincoat and she was bringing an umbrella. She was looking at him worriedly. His heart ached. 

He was too drunk, he was now fantasying.

“Sunbae, are you okay?” that nice voice owner tried to talk to him again, but Sunggyu couldn’t see her face. It was all blurry. Rain also made his vision even blurry.

That girl helped him to straighten up his body. Even if he was already standing up and looking at her, she still looked blurry. She tried to make him standing under the umbrella she was bringing.

“Sunbae,” she called him again,”Look, you all drenched.” She commented, she sounded a bit worried. Then she said again,”sunbae, you drank?”

Sunggyu didn’t reply all the questions, but instead he said,”you sound like her. I like it.”

She looked puzzled. “Her?”

Sunggyu just nodded and mentioned her name. The girl looked shocked, but Sunggyu didn’t notice it.

“S-sunbae, w-what are you t-talking a-about?”

“I like her, Woohyun’s fiancée. I like her.” Sunggyu replied with closed eyes. He took a deep breath. “It’s frustrating, really frustrating, she’s going to marry Woohyun. She didn’t tell me that she’s dating Woohyun. I was really like a fool.” He added and closed his eyes. “I’m really stupid.”

After long silence, she said. “S-sunbae, you’re drunk. I’ll t-take y-you home.” She was about to drag Sunggyu away but he stopped her. It was so sudden that she was surprised and dropped her umbrella.

“Yah, you sound really like her.” he said, gazing at her intently. “Am I dreaming?”

“S-sunbae, you should go ho—“

“Wait!” he cut her off. He leaned in and blinked his eyes many times. Everything was still blurry. “You…you perhaps look like her, too?” he started to cup her face with one of his hands. He intently looked at her face, leaning in. their faces were just an inch away, their noses almost touched. Sunggyu couldn’t help but kiss her.

She tried to push him away, he could feel it. But he just deepened the kiss and pulled her closer by the waist. The kiss lasted longer than he had expected. He pulled away, smiling to himself, and then everything turned black.

“Honey, don’t you wake him up? It’s already afternoon.”

“Let him sleep, honey. The alcohol must affect him so much. He just needs to sleep.”

“This is not right. You know he has to sing tomorrow, don’t you? Why should you take him to drink with you?”

“Honey, it’s him who came joining me drinking, not that I invited him.”

“Now he gets cold. I wonder if he’s alright.”

“Honey, why don’t you worry about your own husband?”

That noisy conversation woke Sunggyu up. He felt his head spinning, which hurt him when he was about to get up from the bed. Sungyeol noticed this and hurriedly approached Sunggyu. His wife followed behind him.

“Hyung, you’re awake.” Sungyeol commented. He sat on the edge of the bed, looking at Sunggyu and grinning. Sunggyu let out a sigh as he realised that he was at Sungyeol’s house. Why am I here?

Sunggyu got very bad headache that made him could not think properly. He massaged his temple. Sungyeol’s wife saw this, and hurriedly said,”I’ll be back with medicine.”

“Ah, thank you so much, honey,” Sungyeol said,”will you bring one for me?” but his wife was already out the room without hearing his request. Sungyeol frowned for that. “Why is she so concerned with Gyu hyung?” he murmured in jealousy.

“How…why am I here?” Sunggyu didn’t hear Sungyeol’s murmur. Sungyeol looked back at Sunggyu and grinned.

“My little brother brought you here, hyung.” He said.

“Daeyeol?” Sunggyu furrowed eyebrow. “How?”

Sungyeol looked puzzled to explain this. He starched the back of his head. “I don’t really understand how it turned out like this, but I, at last, I called my wife, telling her where I was. It looked like I also mentioned your name, hyung,” hearing this, Sunggyu raised an eyebrow,”so, my wife came with Daeyeol. My wife couldn’t take two of us home, right?”

Sunggyu got more confused. It was different from what he remembered. “I remembered I left you and walked outside the tent. I remembered I vomited on the street on my way home.”

Sungyeol nodded. “My wife said you vomited outside the tent. You didn’t go anywhere though. Actually you didn’t leave me like you said.” He chuckled, Sunggyu didn’t get it what Sungyeol chuckled about.

Wait, it’s different. Sunggyu massaged his temple. What he could remember was that he was walking on his way home, vomiting, and then there was someone coming for him.

Wait, someone coming?

He couldn’t remember it clearly, he felt like he had some talk with this someone.

Did he do something embarrassing?

Wait, he couldn’t remember anything! He didn’t do something embarrassing, did he?

“Hyung, you should prepare yourself.” Sungyeol said as his wife came with medicine. “You should sing tomorrow.”

Sunggyu blinked. Sing?

Oh, that wedding. He should sing at Woohyun’s wedding.

He hoped he could turn back the time and cancel what he had promised to Woohyun at that time. If he ever got the chance to do so, if the girl Woohyun would marry was not his junior, it was not her, would he do the same? Would he regret it like this?

Sunggyu himself couldn’t answer that question.

She was really beautiful.

Sunggyu couldn’t take off his eyes of her at the time she came to the room. She looked so beautiful in white wedding dress. She looked shining, she couldn’t stop smiling. Sunggyu wondered if she ever smiled happily like that before this day, if she ever smiled at him like that. He couldn’t remember, he was just mesmerised by her today.

She and Woohyun exchanged vows, and they kissed. And Sunggyu felt his heart hurt.

His brain couldn’t work properly for some seconds, and he just remembered that he needed to sing. He wanted to finish it quickly and leave the hall. He didn’t know that it would really hurt him to see her on her wedding day. Thank God that he didn’t forget the lyric, even he had his voice cracked on some parts of the song.

He was trying to enjoy his drink before he left the hall when Sungjong and his wife approached him.

“You did good job, hyung!” Sungjong praised him. Sunggyu just smiled simply, bitterly behind his glass.

Sunggyu was about to excuse himself to restroom as Sungjong’s wife squalled, “The groom and bride are here!”

Woohyun and she were walking towards them. Sunggyu was silent, his eyes were focused on her hand in Woohyun’s.

Everyone was congratulating the couple, only Sunggyu left with his own thoughts.

“Hyung?” he heard Sungjong calling his name. Sunggyu looked up and saw everybody looking at him.

“I’m sorry.” He smiled apologetically. “Congratulations, Woohyun.” He said sincerely shaking Woohyun’s hand and gave him a hug, smashing hard his back. “That’s for getting married first.” he said jokingly, laughing.

Woohyun laughed even though his back hurt a bit. “You better get yourself a girlfriend and get married before I get too old. You know I will be the one singing at your wedding.”

“I know, I know.” Sunggyu replied quickly, he laughed. His eyes then landed on her. She was smiling at him. “Congratulations.” He said.

“Thank you, sunbae.”

They shook hands, and just like that. He felt her hand warm, was it because of his hand cold? He didn’t understand, but he felt his head empty for some seconds when he had her hand in his. As he let go of her hands, he thought to let go his feelings for her as well. Those stupid feelings, of course he had to get rid of them. She had become somebody else’s wife now in front of his eyes. It was no use if he wanted to refuse the fact, he saw the ceremony right before his eyes.

How cruel life became sometimes, should he regret about that one, too?

Woohyun and she then left Sunggyu and Sungjong to greet other guests.

“Sister in law looks very stunning,” Sunggyu heard Sungjong’s wife commented. He knew it was referred to her. Sunggyu must admit that it was really true. He still had his eyes glued to her. He saw her greeting some of the guests, smiling widely. 

“But, I heard from Sungyeol brother-in-law’s wife that Woohyun brother in-law’s wife got high fever because she walked in the rain two days ago.”

Sunggyu turned around to look at Sungjong’s wife. “What?”

Sungjong’s wife nodded. “That’s all I heard. She looks all fine now, that’s maybe because of the make-up.”

“Wait, yeobo, so actually she is still sick?” Sungjong asked his wife.

“It’s true. But she couldn’t ruin the wedding and everything, right? She had been looking forward to this wedding day, though.”

“But, why was she in the rain at that time?”

“Oh, she wanted to pick up her family on the bus shelter near her neighbourhood. But wind came and blew her umbrella. She walked in the rain for some 30 minutes.”

It was all like puzzle pieces, and Sunggyu tried to fit them one another. It was like a piece of movie in his head, it was like movie’s roll rolling in his head, he saw everything happened at that night he was drunk, two days before today.

“Sunbae?” 

“Sunbae, are you okay?” 

“Sunbae,” 

”Sunbae, you drank?”

She called him so many times. 

But then…

“I like her, Woohyun’s fiancée. I like her.” “It’s frustrating, really frustrating, she’s going to marry Woohyun. She didn’t tell me that she’s dating Woohyun. I was really like a fool.” “I’m really stupid.”

“S-sunbae, you’re drunk. I’ll t-take y-you home.”

“Yah, you sound really like her.” “Am I dreaming?”

“S-sunbae, you should go ho—“

“Wait!” “You…you perhaps look like her, too?”

The last puzzle fit. He remembered the last piece.

He touched his lips. He quickly looked up at her.

She was talking with Woohyun, and now she glanced at Sunggyu.

Sunggyu ached with sadness toward his stupid feelings.

He had to say goodbye to his feelings, like she had said goodbye to hers.

Fin
October 8th 2015